On Saturday, I went to pick up my writing award. It was a nice presentation. Each of the awards is named after a famous author, and the contest organizers revealed what each author said about the winning entries. Rick Bragg said about my essay, “Strong, really strong. Made me choke up.”
Hopefully that validation will help motivate me to finish the book that I’ve been working on over the last few years.
Just before I left for the ceremony, Mom’s burial flag arrived in the mail. (Even though we had her cremated, she was entitled to a flag for her Navy service and I thought it would be nice to have in a memorial display for her.) I had to take that as a sign that she was watching the day’s events, ever the proud Mom.
And if Mom was watching from the other side, so was Dad, as she wouldn’t have given him a choice! It is a bit odd to celebrate a piece about my dad’s battle with Alzheimer’s, but I know Dad would have been proud of my award too, as he secretly wanted to be a writer, and loved to read. I think he would have forgiven me for making him the subject matter.
Monday marked the four-month anniversary of my mother’s death. While life has moved on and I with it, I still find myself hitting those potholes filled with “I should have done this” or I could have done xyz better” thoughts when it comes to my mom’s care.
I know the road will smooth out eventually. In the meantime, I’ll keep looking for signs and keep moving forward.
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The Memories Project 
Congratulations on your award! Like you, I continue to replay the “I should have done…” thoughts in my mind. But mostly I am glad that I was able to do as much as I did. I believe that my relationships with both mom and dad grew much closer because of the time I spent with them the last few years of their lives. Keep writing!
I totally agree, while certainly difficult at times, caregiving definitely strengthened my relationship with my parents.
I look at it as a celebration of a writer who wrote an article that moved people to bring something important into awareness. That’s certainly a reason to celebrate and to move you forward with the book. Your Mom’s flag arrival had perfect timing. The Universe/spirits do work to send signs. You deserve the recognition for your award, and your mom’s flag is confirmation that she knows you did the right things. Congratulations.