August 9, 2026 · 3:06 pm

4 things to say before a loved one dies

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What should one say to a loved one who is dying?

It’s something that many people struggle with. I know I did, and the matter is complicated with a loved one who has dementia. It’s also a very personal conversation. But according to Dr. Ira Byock, a palliative care physician and author of The Four Things That Matter Most, these four simple phrases can say a lot:

“Please forgive me. I forgive you. Thank you. I love you.”

I wrote about my struggles with final words for my mother and father in The Reluctant Caregiver. Shortly before his death, while my father was in an induced coma, I expressed my love to him daily and I hope he felt the love that was surrounding him. With my mother, it was a mix of missed opportunities and missing the mark, but love was still shared. Death is often messy and unpredictable and not the carefully choreographed deathbed scenes depicted in films.

Other tips included in the Time article: try to balance out what you need to say to be at peace after your loved one’s death without overwhelming the dying person in their waning moments. The best time to relay your feelings is now.

What not to say to someone who is dying? The experts agreed that “I know how you feel” is the top phrase to avoid. Not only is it factually untrue, it makes the discussion more about you and your feelings than the dying person. Another phrase to avoid is anything concerned with quitting. Frustrated loved ones may not understand a person’s decision to stop treatment, but that is not for them to decide, and to judge a dying person as a quitter creates an unfair burden.

If you are agonizing over the right words to say, you may be surprised to learn that experts in death and dying shared that sometimes, silence is golden. Just being present in the room, holding someone’s hand, and listening if they are able to speak is profoundly meaningful.

What works for end-of-life conversations can also work for those moving through stages of dementia. If there are things you want to tell your loved one with dementia, don’t hesitate to share while they are still able to comprehend. I wish I had shared more with my father during that precious time.

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August 2, 2026 · 9:00 am

How will AI impact cognitive functioning?

Your Phone is Your External Brain: Understanding “Digital Dementia”
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I was reading a blog post about how smartphones now serve as our external brains, which can lead to increased cognitive offloading. Some people refer to this as “digital dementia.” An example: how many phone numbers of relatives and close friends do you know by heart? Beyond my own phone number, I can’t remember a single one for a living relative. I can still remember my parents’ landline phone number, because I called it every week for years.

And that’s the point: As explained in the blog post linked above, the brain’s memory muscles needs to be worked out on a regular basis. If you haven’t bothered to learn a new friend’s phone number because it’s conveniently stored in your phone’s contacts list, your brain doesn’t have the chance to learn it, let alone memorize it.

And that made me think beyond smartphones to AI. Experts are also talking about what skills will be lost when we hand off routine personal and work tasks to an agent bot. I work a lot with data analysis at work and loathe math so I’m keen on offloading such tasks to ChatGPT. However, LLMs are notoriously bad at math, so I need to check its work, which means I still need to know how to do the calculations in order to ensure accuracy.

As AI technology improves, there will likely come a day when we trust the results like we do when we manually use a calculator. We know students are already using AI to help (or sometimes replace) their own reading and writing skills. (And sometimes the teacher catches them.) But at what cost? If a bot is reading, writing, doing math, and memorizing key information for us, will we continue to work our brains as much to maintain cognitive health?

It remains to be seen if AI and a potential increase in cognitive offloading will have an impact on Alzheimer’s risk. Perhaps it’s a good thing that diagnostic blood tests are being developed because I can imagine many struggling with the current standard of dementia testing without the help of AI.

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July 26, 2026 · 2:44 pm

Blood test may detect dementia risk a decade before symptoms appear

Seven labeled blood sample tubes with colored caps in a clear rack on a lab bench

Research shared at the 2026 Alzheimer’s Association International Conference demonstrated positive developments for a blood test that can predict increased risk of dementia up to 10 years before initial symptoms surface.

I’ve long followed the research developments when it comes to blood tests for Alzheimer’s because I believe it could help people get diagnosed earlier, where current approved treatments have the best chance of slowing down the disease. We need a simple, minimally-invasive method to detect cognitive changes as early as possible, and the blood biomarker p-tau217 may play a critical role.

According to researchers, study participants with the highest levels of the blood biomarker p-tau217 had an approximately 78% risk of developing cognitive impairment over a 10-year period. P-tau217 is associated with tau tangles in the brain and with levels of beta amyloid, both which are Alzheimer’s hallmarks, according to the Alzheimer’s Association. The full study is published on JAMA.

Elevated levels of protein can exist in a person’s brain with no noticeable memory or thinking problems. It’s important to note that some people have high levels of tau and don’t develop cognitive issues. Still, the results of this study are promising in adding an accessible tool to what can be a frustrating diagnostic process.

While there will be a debate on the value of predictive data for a disease with no cure, a study I reported on earlier this year found that people overwhelmingly support such tests being available. I have always been firmly in the camp of wanting to know what my Alzheimer’s risk is because it runs so rampant in my family. That’s why I’ve done genetic testing, which found I have a copy of the APOE4 gene. If the p-tau217 becomes available to the public, I would seek it out.

If my brain were filled with tau tangles would I drastically change my life? I’m not sure, but we do know that lifestyle changes can have a positive impact on reducing dementia risk. I also think such a finding would prompt me to legally finalize my plans (medical power of attorney, etc.) if I should become cognitively impaired. If test results suggested I was at a much greater risk of developing dementia over the next 10 years, I probably would shift priorities to ensure that any projects that require my full brain power, such as writing another book, get done sooner, rather than later. The same with travel or any other bucket list goals.

I’ve followed Alzheimer’s research closely for about 20 years now, and over the next 20 years, my risk of developing this disease will increase. The current state of research seems to be more on a trajectory of disease management, than a cure. Early testing, lifestyle changes, and better treatments will all play critical roles for how my generation will navigate Alzheimer’s and other dementias.

Final call: I’m participating in the Smashwords July Summer/Winter sale. Get my books, including the award-winning The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off the normal price. The sale runs through July 31.

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July 20, 2026 · 9:47 am

Birthday delights

Another birthday is in the books. I enjoyed a relaxing day filled with plenty of tasty treats.

At the farmer’s market I picked up sunflowers and peaches. As I get older, the simple pleasures matter the most.

While I haven’t always enjoyed having a summer birthday because the weather can be so hot and miserable, I do like the automatic mid-year check-in with myself it offers. In many ways it has been an odd year so far, but there have been some glimmers of hope along the way. Last year I launched a revamp of Respite Care Share around my birthday. This year I launched Caregiver Vent. I enjoy working on these projects as part of my caregiver advocacy efforts and The Memories Project continues to hold a special place in my heart.

My mother always tried to make my birthday special, and I have carried on that tradition for myself. There were some difficult birthdays during my caregiving years; that makes me even more grateful for the good ones.

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July 12, 2026 · 3:54 pm

New research suggests soccer players may experience brain health changes in midlife

Soccer player wearing number 9 in blue and white stripes heading a ball mid-air on a sunny day

The World Cup has dominated the headlines over the last month and is set to wrap up over the next week. At the 2026 Alzheimer’s Association International Conference, new research was shared that found some former soccer players have developed concerning changes in their brains in midlife. There’s no direct link established yet, but scientists are keen on conducting more research to determine if plays like headers, which involve hitting the ball with one’s head, increase the risk of brain issues later in life.

In the US, we are more aware of the dangers of playing American football and the damage that repeated concussions can have on the brain. Less research has been done on soccer, but that is now changing. In the latest study, 142 former professional soccer players from the UK were compared to a smaller control group who had not played contact sports or experienced repetitive head impacts. The study found “significantly higher symptoms of depression (31% in former soccer players vs 9% in control group), and anxiety (42% in former soccer players vs 25% for control group). The study also found that the former soccer players self-rated a worse “ability to plan, focus on and solve problems and manage daily tasks, compared to the control group.”

A review of brain scans of the 124 former soccer players found “lower gray matter volume in several brain regions, including frontal, cingulate and thalamic areas that play important roles in memory, attention, decision-making and emotional regulation, compared to controls.”

It should be noted that these findings are preliminary and will require following former players over time to prove any links with soccer play and brain health. The Alzheimer’s Association did note that other research shared at the conference “link greater heading exposure and longer soccer careers with biomarkers of neural injury, tau accumulation and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) risk.”

CTE risk for American football players has been studied more extensively. Just this past week, the family of the late Dallas Cowboys player Marshawn Kneeland shared that he was posthumously diagnosed with stage 1 CTE. Kneeland, who died by suicide in 2025, was just 24 years old, suggesting that brain health can be impacted at a much younger age than previously known. I wrote earlier this year about research that found former NFL players with the most advanced form of CTE had a four times increased odds for having dementia.

Understanding the impact that playing sports can have over a person’s lifetime is critical so we can develop safeguards to better protect the health of athletes while not taking away from the excitement of competitive sports.

Reminder: I’m participating in the Smashwords July Summer/Winter sale. Get my books, including the award-winning The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off the normal price. The sale runs all month long.

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July 6, 2026 · 8:00 am

Marking Mom’s birthday

Today would have been Mom’s 89th birthday. As much as we were polar opposites in personality, I do find as I age that I’ve picked up some of her habits.

I’ve also been thinking of Mom recently because of a new project that I’ve been working on, Caregiver Vent. I’ve created a quiz-based resource for caregivers looking to earn a bit of extra money by taking surveys and sharing their opinion on caregiving and a variety of other topics. I’ve been doing surveys for the past several months and I was surprised at how often caregiver topics come up. No one knows better than caregivers that there’s a lot of room for improvement and caregivers have the personal experience needed to make a difference.

Mom loved giving her opinions about products and services. She didn’t wait for a survey; she was proactive and called. And when there was not a consumer feedback phone number readily available on the package, she’d call me to track it down on the internet. Over the years she gave feedback on everything from coffee canister lids to juice products. Companies would send her coupons and even branded items for her valuable feedback. It helped the companies but helped my mother as well; it made her feel useful and talking to customer service representatives eased her loneliness.

Finally, Mom loved a good deal. She had coupons for everything! So I have to share that I’m participating in the Smashwords July Summer/Winter sale. Get my books, including the award-winning The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off the normal price. The sale runs all month long.

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June 28, 2026 · 2:50 pm

Heat waves: Stay safe and hydrate

Older man drinking water and woman sitting indoors with a fan and houseplants during heat wave

Each year I share a post about the dangers of heat when it comes to our elder loved ones. Here in Atlanta we are facing a heat advisory this week with temperatures in the mid-90s and high humidity. What’s miserable for some of us can be dangerous for those who are older or have certain health conditions.

In addition to having adequate cooling options such as air conditioning, staying properly hydrated is critical. Drinking enough liquids is something older people can struggle with, which surprised me, but I saw the behavior with my own parents. I also saw how being dehydrated could change one’s cognitive functioning in a significant way. I thought my mother was developing dementia but it turned out she was dehydrated and her sodium levels were out of balance. It was remarkable how quickly she regained her mental functions once she received saline fluids in the hospital.

Water by itself can be boring to some people, so keep in mind that all fluids count. There are also plenty of flavored, unsweetened or low-sugar beverage options on the market now that make staying hydrated more enjoyable. I enjoy flavored sparkling water, and Hint makes flavored still water. You can also buy a wide range of flavored powders to add to water or other beverages that support hydration and can provide additional nutrients. Products like Jelly Drops deliver a hydration boost and are popular with elders.

If you are experiencing a heat wave in your area, check on elder loved ones to make sure they have the support they need to remain comfortable and safe.

Summer safety tips from The Memories Project

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June 21, 2026 · 9:00 am

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day. The Memories Project was started in memory of my father. As a baby, I was definitely daddy’s little girl. As I grew older, I gravitated towards my mother as I spent most of my time with her. Dad worked the swing shift so once I started school, our schedules didn’t overlap much. I moved halfway across the country for college and so Dad and I never had the chance to reconnect on a deeper level.

Alzheimer’s is a cruel reminder of what you’ve lost of a loved one before they are actually gone from this world.

Fortunately I have photos and cards and recordings of my father singing to me when I was a baby so I will always remember that special father-daughter bond we had.

Hope you are able to spend time with your father today or find comfort in the memories.

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June 14, 2026 · 10:00 am

Caregiver guilt can be a motivating force

I came across a documentary series by Peter Murphy Lewis who was recently profiled on Being Patient. He candidly admits to “making a documentary out of guilt.” He was in another country working when his beloved grandfather, who had dementia, died.

From his grief and guilt came the idea for a documentary series, “People Worth Caring About.”


“We treat the buildings where our elders live as places of “sadness,” which inadvertently devalues the people who work there. It turns a noble calling into an invisible job,” Lewis said. His goal with the project is to shine a light on those workers who care for our elder loved ones.

My own family caregiving experience followed a similar road. I was in another state, working, when my father died from Alzheimer’s complications. I too remember getting that dreaded call while on the job. I also experienced a deep amount of guilt that I was mostly a long-distance caregiver. And similar to Lewis, that guilt inspired the birth of a creative project about caregiving. In my case, it’s the blog that you are reading right now, The Memories Project.

If you find yourself weighed down by guilt after the loss of a loved one, consider ways you can honor your loved one’s memory with your own unique skillset. It doesn’t have to be a public project. I know of people who have created a memorial garden in their backyard. It could also be a conscious lifestyle choice: to spend more quality time with family, to travel more, to take up a new hobby or reconnect with an old friend.

Everyone moves through the grief process in their own way. For some, embarking on such a project can bring some meaning and closure to one of the most difficult events a person can experience.

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June 7, 2026 · 2:56 pm

A reminder about the high cost of Alzheimer’s care

Paying for Managed Care

I write a lot about the high cost of Alzheimer’s care, because I feel it’s vital that society understands just how expensive such specialized care is and how little government support there is to help middle-class families pay for it. I’m sharing this post from Mary K. Doyle who writes about her husband’s Alzheimer’s experience and outlines the costs involved whether one tries to care for their loved one at home or places them in a memory care facility.

As Doyle suggests, the best time to plan for such medical decisions is early in the Alzheimer’s journey. I wrote in The Reluctant Caregiver about the consequences of my parents not being prepared after my father experienced a medical emergency and could not be returned home due to his advanced Alzheimer’s disease. These are tough conversations to have, but being able to make such decisions while your loved one still is able to contribute their wishes is a true gift, and will give you some peace of mind as you navigate care options later down the road.

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