I haven’t been shy about my professed loved and admiration for “Miss Norma” Bauerschmidt, who at 90, became an internet sensation when, instead of undergoing grueling treatment for uterine cancer while dealing with the recent death of her husband, she told her doctor, “I’m hitting the road.”
Driving Miss Norma: One Family’s Journey Saying “Yes” to Living, a book about the final, amazing year of Norma’s life, is now available, and I highly recommend it.
Norma joined her son and daughter-in-law in a motor home for an epic trip around the U.S., where she was welcomed like a celebrity everywhere she stopped. While Norma’s symptoms were managed quite well on the road, her cancer progressed and she died on September 30, 2016.
Her story has touched millions around the world, and I couldn’t be happier about that.
Norma’s story touches upon many topics that are near and dear to my heart. First, the “treatment without question” mentality that pervades the American health care system got turned on its head here. The doctor was taken aback by Norma’s reaction at first, but admitted that his own treatment recommendation would have set up Norma on a long road of recovery that she may not have survived. Instead of spending months in a skilled nursing facility recovering from major surgery and being sick from chemotherapy, Norma chose quality over quantity for the remainder of her life.
The highs and lows of caregiving are poignantly and honestly discussed in this book. Norma’s son and daughter-in-law don’t shy away from the challenges that family caregiving poses, which are only complicated when mixed with an unpredictable life on the road. Norma’s son and daughter-in-law weren’t experienced caregivers before taking on Norma, and their “nomadic by choice” lifestyle had to be adapted to Norma’s abilities and health challenges. Ultimately it was an experience that they wouldn’t trade for all the world, but I appreciate their openness in discussing their caregiving experience.
What was most surprising to me was how, according to her son, Norma was not known as the “wild gal” that we saw on Facebook who would make funny faces for the camera or who took delight in quirky tourist spots. Norma, a quiet, stable presence in the family, had been content to live in her husband’s shadow. But once on the road, a new side of Norma emerged. This may be the most important lesson of all in the book. It is never too late to find oneself.
By late summer, it became apparent that Norma’s trip through this life would be coming to a close soon. Being on the road presented some unique challenges, but Norma passed on as comfortably as is possible, surrounded by love and fulfilled in a year’s worth of joyous sights and experiences. For everyone seeking that elusive “good death,” I think after reading this book you will conclude that Norma had a good one.
Obviously, not all of us have adult children who could accommodate such an epic life’s end journey. What we can take from the book is that when faced with what could have been an overwhelmingly depressing moment in her life, coping with the death of her husband and a cancer diagnosis, Norma chose to embrace optimism. Norma chose adventure, to let go of any old grievances and open her heart to new people and experiences. One of the catchphrases for Norma’s journey is, “Say yes to living.”
That’s a lesson we could all take to heart.
3 responses to “‘Driving Miss Norma’ teaches valuable lessons on aging, caregiving, dying”
“This may be the most important lesson of all in the book. It is never too late to find oneself.” <- I love this quote.
My paternal grandmother was diagnosed with cancer (colon) at age 89. They removed the tumor, but she refused to do any treatments. She obviously didn't do what Norma did, but she went on with her regular life. At age 94 they told her it had spread everywhere. They offered her treatment once again, but she said she just wanted to go to hospice. She died a few months later.
I mean really, once we reach that age, what is the point in chemo? Our bodies won't be able to take it anyway.
Thanks for the heads-up on this book. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story about your grandmother. I agree that at a certain age, it’s usually best to enjoy quality of life vs. quantity. It’s unfortunate that many in the medical community still push the “treatment at all costs” mantra, but the tide is turning a bit.
What a fantastic life approach. Shake off the red tape and beeping machines and blasting treatments, and see the world. I love it. I’ll tuck this into my life plan. Thanks Norma, Tim, and Joy for sharing this beautiful story.