July 13, 2012 · 9:07 pm

Losing pieces of dignity

My mom had a pretty good day. She started rehab and took a few steps, so that was important. I remember how difficult it was for Dad to get up out of the hospital bed after he had been bedridden for a week. He never walked on his own again.

Mom had her catheter taken out today, which is also a good sign. However, instead of putting a diaper on her, they just put a pad on her. Before the surgery, she was able (with assistance) to move from the bed to the chair-toilet at her bedside. Now, post-surgery, she is too weak to do that. She ended up wetting herself a couple of times today.

Finally, they wised up and put a diaper on her. I never thought I would say I was happy to have my parents wearing diapers, but in this case, it’s the lesser of two evils. Mom still remembers wrestling with Dad to get his diapers on him when he still lived at home but was already suffering from mid-stage dementia.

Mom is a model patient, so no fighting from her.

Still, it’s scary and amazing how quickly one can lose control over their basic bodily functions. For Mom, a diaper is more dignified than not wearing one and wetting herself. It’s these small but important details that are sometimes overlooked when caring for the elderly.

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July 12, 2012 · 9:55 pm

A tour no one wants to take

So it’s pretty clear that Mom won’t be able to go back home immediately after discharging from the hospital. She’s going to need some skilled nursing care, in a safe, secure environment. If we were rich (maybe if Mom had won a million dollars instead of $100K) I would gladly hire a private nurse to stay with my mom 24/7. But that’s not the case. Mom is a bit confused and thinks she can stay at the hospital indefinitely. The hospital will be booting her out as soon as she meets the minimum requirements for discharge. So she’s okay with staying in a facility for now, because even she understands she’s not in shape to go home just yet.

So today was the tour of skilled nursing facilities, aka nursing homes. It’s a depressing journey, but at least there is only three in town to look at. With Dad, he was simply placed in one that had availability, so we didn’t do a tour of them, but I couldn’t help but think of Dad as the facility representative mentioned the special unit for dementia patients. I saw a bit of Dad in many of the patients that were parked in the corner of a hallway, or eating listlessly in the dining room. There were also some residents that were ambling about quite well and were friendly. And then there were a couple that were screaming. It’s all part of the typical nursing home environment, and it’s where Dad spent the last year of his life.

I don’t want the same fate for Mom. She will be going into short-term care, with the plan being to get her strong and stable enough to return home with a minimal amount of supervision. Mom is tough, and loves her independence. She’s also good at following directions, something Dad of course could not do due to his dementia. So I have hope that this move will be a positive one, and that she will be out of the skilled nursing facility in a week or two.

Home. That is the goal.

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July 11, 2012 · 10:42 pm

The diagnosis

So Mom has colon cancer. It wasn’t unexpected news, but hearing it from the doctor makes it very real. The good news is that they were able to surgically remove the tumor, and it had only spread to one lymph node. And right now, Mom has a major surgery recovery to focus on. The cancer will do what it must until Mom is strong enough to fight it.

Mom is tougher than she looks!

As one gets older, it seems that life often comes down to one diagnosis or another. I remember worrying so much about Dad when he had to be whisked away in the ambulance with stomach issues not so different from my mom’s. His turned out to be a fairly benign gallstone. But there was no surgery or cure for the disease robbing him of his mind. Over the course of the last year of his life, he was diagnosed with a medley of infections, and taken on numerous ER visits for falls. Like many elderly, it was the pneumonia that put him closest to death’s door. His body, weakened by the infection, eventually shut down.

The doctors are keeping a close eye on Mom and are trying to help her avoid pneumonia at all costs. Of course I see her weakened, frail body and can’t help but be reminded of Dad. But Mom still has her spirit, and her sense of humor, which sadly Dad lost due to his dementia. I hope this means Mom will have a better chance at getting and staying on the road to recovery.

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July 10, 2012 · 10:30 pm

One day at a time

The doctor stopped by to visit my mom today. She’s still recovering pretty well, but the doctor is waiting on a few signs to happen before moving her to the medical floor, and then back home. The road to recovery always has stops and starts. There’s a plan for the day, but things don’t always go as planned.

When Dad had his emergency gallstone surgery, there was no returning home for him. His mental decline, along with his weakened body, made returning home impossible. He went to a skilled nursing facility, then an assisted living facility.

For Mom, the plan has always been to return home. And I believe that will happen, but I also think she will need more care than the home health service may be able to provide. As to be expected, major surgery takes a lot out of an older person. I have to accept Mom may never regain that spring in her step.

Or maybe she will surprise us all and come back strong. I hope for her sake she can stay as independent as she can for as long as she’s able to comfortably. With Dad, placing him in an assisted care environment was different, because he had lost sense of what home was. Mom still knows, and while she is the model patient, I don’t think she would be happy in a group home environment.

But as the doctor said today: “One day at at time.” It’s good advice, yet hard to follow.

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July 9, 2012 · 8:39 pm

Repairing the body, not the mind

Mom did well during surgery, and is now recovering. The marvels of modern medicine has saved my mom’s life, but of course it also hits an elderly person’s body hard. Mom looks and feels like she’s been caught in a tornado, but her sense of humor is still intact.

From time to time, a flicker of fear flashes across her eyes. Is it because of her near brush with death? Or is it just a side effect of all the pain meds she’s on?

I remember seeing that same look of fear in Dad’s eyes toward the end of his life. He looked more and more like a little lost deer that had been separated from his mother.

Dad also went through surgery. His body recovered from the gallstone surgery. Unfortunately, there was no doctor in the world that could repair his mind.

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July 8, 2012 · 7:03 pm

Being on hospital time

Another reminder of my dad’s last few months of life resurfaced today. I forgot what it was like to be on hospital time, which follows no rules or structure, just whenever they are darn good and ready. Certainly one can understand that emergency cases can change the course of a day in a snap, but it’s still frustrating to be the relative (or the patient) waiting and waiting for something to happen. Then in a flurry, everything happens.

It was the same way with my dad when he was in CCU at the hospital in Albuquerque. There would be maddening delays between a machine sounding a warning beep and a nurse coming in to attend to the issue. And trying to snag the doctor? You’d be more likely to obtain an autograph from Brad Pitt than have the honor of the doctor’s presence in your room. It really is scary how much power the doctors wield in the hospital setting, considering their physical presence is so fleeting.

Today, after Mom’s surgery was delayed due to an emergency surgery, I stepped out, only to return and find that Mom had been whisked away to surgery in my absence! Luckily, I was able to see her in the prep area before she was sent off to surgery. And more good news, she made it through surgery just fine.

Still, as stressful as it is to have a loved one in the hospital with a serious medical condition, you also have to endure hospital time, which can be so maddening. Hospitals can’t control the amount of cases that walk through their door, but they could be better at communication.

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July 7, 2012 · 6:10 pm

The eyes and smile of a fragile parent

Mom is headed to surgery tomorrow. All best wishes and prayers accepted!

As I was watching her rest today in the hospital, she opened her eyes from a nap and rested her gaze slowly on me. A dawning realization spread across her face, and a weak smile greeted me. This was the same reaction I got from Dad, though with less recollection of who I was. Still, he always seemed grateful to see me at his bedside. It is such a sweet, innocent, pure gesture. It’s love in action, in its simplest form.

It’s beautiful and heartbreaking, yet rewarding at the same time.

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July 6, 2012 · 6:24 pm

Hospital nightmare begins again

Mom is in the ER and we’ll be headed to surgery soon. She’s going to Roswell, where Dad spent most of his final year of life.

Not the way Mom wanted to spend her 75th birthday I’m sure.

Entering the nightmarish world of the hospital again. This time with a different parent.

And hopefully a different outcome.

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July 5, 2012 · 9:37 pm

The clock test

When I found out my dad’s memory was declining, I thought about asking him to do the clock test. I had stumbled upon it online, and had found out it was commonly used to help diagnose dementia and/or cognitive decline. But before I had the chance, Dad got sick and ended up in the hospital.

Now my mom is the one that is sick, though her issue seems to be more physical than mental. But as she was being assessed for home health care today, they had her do the clock test.

She got most of the numbers right, but they started at about the one o’clock position and trailed around to about seven o’clock. Mom knew it wasn’t right and was disappointed she couldn’t figure out. My mom has always loved puzzles.

It broke my heart to see her struggle over a test an elementary school child could do.

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July 4, 2012 · 6:29 pm

Sparklers on the patio

One 4th of July, our family had our own modest fireworks display. While usually it would be the kid that would be begging the parents for bottle rockets and sparklers to set off, I was a fearful kid. So it was Mom that thought it would be fun to shoot off some fireworks on the 4th of July. I remember the shack that housed the fireworks for sale. It was a sensory overload with the explosion of bright colors and the names of the various fireworks, which might as well have been written in a foreign language.

Of course, Mom being Mom, she chose the most low-key fireworks available.

After dinner, Mom, Dad and I gathered on our patio, which was a tiny slab of concrete surrounded by a wooden fence. Dad soon departed, as Mom didn’t want him smoking around the other explosives. Dad slunk off to the carport area, his other prime smoking area.

We got a couple of things that were supposed to twirl around on the ground, but they turned out to be duds.

I do remember the sparklers, which I held as far away from me as possible, afraid that I was going to set myself on fire. I remember the soft hiss the sparklers made, and how they lit up our faces.

Then the fun was over, and all was dark again. Later, we all gathered again on the patio, to look into the sky and see the professional fireworks display that was taking place a few miles away. The thudding pops were followed by a rain of color exploding in the sky. We stood together as a family, in awe and glee over the spirited display.

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