Tag Archives: holidays

December 8, 2012 · 7:35 pm

The fruitcake follies

Neither of my parents were able to see their relatives during the holidays. They all lived across the country or across the globe. So my mom started a family tradition by sending her relatives in Tennessee fruitcakes for Christmas.

Did her family really like the annual gift of the holiday dessert that has long been the butt of jokes? Well, one of her sisters said she froze it, so I’m not so sure. (I think it may still be sitting in her freezer!)

fruitcake

Well, after watching Mom order a slew of fruit cakes each year for her family, Dad decided he wanted to get into the fruitcake-ordering frenzy. Of course, things were a bit more complicated because Dad’s relatives were in Ireland and Australia. So there were some shipping snafus (and expenses) involved. I remember hearing nothing but fruitcake ordering drama for a week or so, until it all got straightened out. And Dad’s family never received another fruitcake! (I’m guessing they were secretly relieved!)

But I’m reminded of our family’s fruitcake story every time I see an ad for Collin Street Bakery.

It’s funny how something as trivial as an ad can bring back a memory so clearly.

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December 4, 2012 · 9:14 pm

Gifts for those with dementia

I was reading this blog post today about gift ideas for loved ones with dementia. The holiday season can be awkward when you are trying to accommodate those with Alzheimer’s and dementia. I think often, we as family members go to one extreme or another. We either bombard the poor souls or we pretend they don’t exist. As usual, the solution is somewhere in the middle.

First of all, there is no “one size fits all” solution. Each person with dementia will react to the holidays in a different way. For example, Dad was never sentimental about the holidays and his interest didn’t change once dementia took hold. I did buy him a personalized New York Times edition from his birthday and birth year once he was in about the mid-stages of Alzheimer’s. I wish I had bought it for him sooner. I believe he was able to look at the pictures but I believe his reading ability was limited by that point. It was a gift I had meant to buy years earlier, for Dad loved newspapers and history.

gift

So one has to try to relate to their family member with dementia as much as possible. I think generally speaking, low-key, small gatherings are best, because they don’t stress out a dementia sufferer with too many unfamiliar faces and too much commotion. But again, I heard a story recently about a woman who suffered from dementia and who had loved to cook the big holiday meal before dementia took over.

So what did the large, extended family do? They each made a dish from one of her recipes, and pretended that she made it herself. The little old lady took her place at the head of the table, wiped her brow and exclaimed how tired she was from all of that cooking before digging in. The new tradition went on until she passed away.

Sometimes gifts don’t come wrapped in paper and bows. They are recreating memories of a loved one and sharing in the joy of those happy times.

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December 3, 2012 · 8:41 pm

Another holiday season with illness

After enduring the ups and downs and final passing of my father just five days before Christmas last year, now I’m facing my mom facing another major surgery right around Christmas. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not a sentimental holiday person, but you would have to be blind and deaf not to notice all of the holiday decorations and music around every corner.

Since I’ve been through this before, I know a bit of what to expect. And that’s the unexpected. You have to be flexible when you have an ill relative. This year, at least I don’t have the stress and guilt about missing time from my job. I no longer have one, for better or for worse. But as far as holiday celebrations go, I hope to make it back home for awhile before Mom needs her surgery. But I also know that I may get a call at any moment ushering me back to be with Mom. So Christmas will be celebrated ASAP.

When illness strikes and you are the primary caregiver, you must be willing to shift priorities. A holiday is just another day. One has to focus on the here and now, and what is best for their loved one who is ill.

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October 25, 2012 · 7:59 pm

Holidays without Dad

This is the time of year where families start planning their holiday agendas. Who will go to who’s house on Thanksgiving and Christmas. For me, this time of year only makes me think about how the beginning of the worst period of my life began Thanksgiving week.

Of course, though I’m the ultimate pessimist, even I did not predict that Mom would end up with colon cancer six months after Dad passed. Or that I would have to say farewell to two beloved pets in that time span as well.

So of course I’m thankful that Mom is still around and actually doing quite well. But since Mom and her health has consumed my life since July, I don’t feel that I actually was able to fully process my Dad’s death. Certainly, it’s been a lot for any only child to take, with one parent passing, and one parent narrowly escaping death.

Mom and I have agreed that we will have a non-traditional Thanksgiving. Mom will probably have pasta, and I will have pizza. I remember last year, Dad was already in the hospital for Thanksgiving. I cooked a small traditional meal for myself, worried that at any moment, I could receive that call that he was passing. That first scare came the very next day, on Black Friday, when I was at work trying to help holiday shoppers find the best deals.

For some reason, or perhaps just by chance, Dad kept hanging in there until five days before Christmas. Ironically, Halloween is one of my favorite holidays, and one of the last times Dad was reasonably healthy.

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October 6, 2012 · 7:58 pm

Holidays at the hospital

In the past couple of weeks, I’ve seen Christmas decoration displays already in stores. Every year, it seems to happen earlier.

This year, it reminds me of Dad.

Mom and I ate several times at the Albuquerque hospital cafeteria last November. On one visit, the staff were putting up some Christmas decorations. It seemed odd and out of place as a family member of a very sick patient, but hospitals are also workplaces for many employees. Why shouldn’t they be able to enjoy a little cheer?

Upstairs, Dad was heavily sedated, and knew not where he was, or what time of year it was. He would hang on for almost another month, before passing five days before Christmas.

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April 9, 2012 · 7:00 am

Dad worked many holidays

I was talking to my mom on Easter Sunday and she reminded me how many holidays Dad worked as I got older. When he became a security guard, he worked weekends and countless holidays, as property always needs to be protected regardless of whatever day it is on the calendar. My dad never complained about this, it was just what he had to do to support his family. Maybe he would have preferred a 9-5, Monday-Friday gig, but he was never the type to hold down a stuffy office job. He preferred working outdoors (and the automatic smoking breaks!)

Once my Dad retired and my parents moved to New Mexico, they would usually go out to eat on a holiday, nothing fancy, usually Denny’s (senior citizen discount) or Pizza Hut (where they would always order pasta, never pizza.) Still, these mundane outings gave my parents great pleasure. Now Mom, all alone for the holiday, ordered delivery from Pizza Hut. She was going to set at the dining room table and burn a candle in memory of Dad.

Old habits die hard and holidays always make one think of loved ones now gone.

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