One year later, trying to return home again

Mom’s surgery was a week ago and went amazingly well, according to the doctors. She was discharged early and has been home for a few days now. She’s doing well physically, but emotionally she is down. I am desperate once again to get home to my own family, thousands of miles away, who I’ve pretty much abandoned over the last six months.

So I’ve made plans to return home for Christmas. Just like I did last year, after my father’s death.

My plans didn’t work out so well last year. A freak snowstorm hit, and I was stranded in Roswell, NM alone for the holiday. Weather shouldn’t be an issue this time, but with the way this year has gone, I won’t believe it until I actually walk into my home.

Mom is understanding but obviously depressed, just like last year. If there was ever a time to clone myself, it would be now.

I found this post called Embracing the Caregiver Role quite accurate in the guilt and mixed emotions one has in caring for an ill parent and balancing family responsibilities.

The author writes, “To be there for my Mother I had to borrow from all of those areas at a cost.” This is so true, and I’m sure other caregivers can relate to this statement.

Also, this statement is telling: “Circumstance had converted our relationship.” This is so true as well, when adult children have to assume the parent role for their own parents. It is never an easy transition to make.

So I’m giving myself the gift of guilt this holiday season, just like last year. Of course, last year, I never would have predicted how much I would be sacrificing this year in order to take care of another ill parent. Perhaps karma paid me a visit? Hopefully by now, I’ve paid back any karma debts owed.

Hopefully, I will make it home.

Hopefully, Mom will be okay.

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