Tag Archives: caregiving

‘Home is still a hard place to die’

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I was interviewed for a series running on Nashville Public Radio called, “The Cost of Dying.” My interview is featured in the segment, “Home is Still a Hard Place to Die.”

I am grateful to Blake Farmer for reporting on the cost and challenges of end-of-life care. It’s a topic that is not discussed enough, until one finds themselves dealing with death in their own family.

Farmer took note of my essay, “Dying at home is not all it’s cracked up to be,” which appeared in my essay collection, The Reluctant Caregiver. That essay sparked a lot of debate on social media, because it revealed that there is another side to the aging-dying at home trend, and it’s not pretty. It’s one that family members often silently suffer through, because they feel guilty if they complain.

As it’s made clear in the Nashville Public Radio report, I am not anti-hospice by any means, and I know there are wonderful people who work in the industry. It is not a job I could imagine doing, and I think it takes a special kind of person to care for the dying and their families on a daily basis. But especially in rural areas, there are simply not enough hospice and home hospice providers available. That means the care falls upon family members, which is what I experienced with my mother. It was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done, and while I don’t regret caring for my dying mother, I wish I had been better supported.

Farmer’s series places a spotlight on the challenges of dying at home, from interviews with family caregivers to an examination of the growing hospice industry. I encourage you to listen to the series and read the accompanying reports.

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Caregiving 101: Maintain Your Life While Maintaining Theirs — The Diary of An Alzheimer’s Caregiver

This is an excellent, detailed post for first-time caregivers. Please share with those who are embarking on a family caregiving experience.

Giving your time and resources to loved ones brings feelings of delight and satisfaction while also attracting emotions of a heavy burden. Becoming a caregiver can be an extraordinarily taxing responsibility for many individuals, and therefore should not be taken lightly …

Read full post via Caregiving 101: Maintain Your Life While Maintaining Theirs — The Diary of An Alzheimer’s Caregiver

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October 10, 2019 · 12:17 pm

4 Realistic Self-Care Strategies for Alzheimer’s Caregivers — The Diary of An Alzheimer’s Caregiver

It’s something we don’t talk enough about, but it is so important: self-care. I know that phrase has become a bit touchy in certain circles, because it can seem like you are dumping one more responsibility on an already overworked caregiver. The sad truth is that in most cases, no one is going to offer you a respite out of the blue. You have to know your limits as a caregiver, ask for help when needed and yes, take care and be kind to yourself.

Read these helpful self-care tips via the blog post below from The Diary of An Alzheimer’s Caregiver.

Sign up to get these posts and a whole lot more delivered right to your inbox! The Diary of An Alzheimer’s Caregiver – Appreciate the good, laugh at the crazy, and deal with the rest! Caregiving is hard no matter what. Alzheimer’s caregivers, however, have an especially difficult job. Not only do people with Alzheimer’s…

via 4 Realistic Self-Care Strategies for Alzheimer’s Caregivers — The Diary of An Alzheimer’s Caregiver

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August 23, 2019 · 5:27 pm

Falls are Game Changers for Older Adults

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This is such important information for family caregivers. To put it bluntly, a fall for a frail loved one can signal the beginning of the end. Both my mother and father experienced falls as their health situations declined. Learn more and tips on preventing falls from Kay Bransford.

via Falls are Game Changers for Older Adults

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August 9, 2019 · 8:50 pm

‘What They Had’ will resonate with dementia caregivers

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I saw an excellent movie recently that I wanted to share with others who are or have been dementia caregivers. The movie is called, “What They Had,” and it has a great cast, starring Blythe Danner, Hilary Swank, Robert Forster and Michael Shannon. The film has a fairly simple plot: matriarch Ruth’s dementia is getting progressively worse, and the family is drawn together to figure out the next steps.

Those of us who have been dementia caregivers know what’s coming next, to a certain extent. The family’s internal dynamics are stretched to their breaking points as they each approach the “solution” to caring for the woman they love who is losing her mind and memories of them.

What is remarkable about the film is how realistically it depicts the challenges of a family grappling with Alzheimer’s. First-time director Elizabeth Chomko, whose grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, captures the raw and complex emotions perfectly. The movie is uncomfortable to watch in a good way, in that the plot, dialogue and acting is so realistic that you feel like you are eavesdropping into a family’s nightmare.

Watch the trailer:

I related quite a bit to the character of Nick, who is the son and brother. He’s the hands-on sibling, because he lives near the parents in Chicago, while Swank’s character Bridget is the sister who moved away to California. Nick has understandably built up some resentment and even though he comes across as pessimistic and critical, he cares deeply and understands the mother’s condition in a more realistic way than the rest of the family. I related so much to Nick’s frustration with the rest of the family who were overly optimistic or avoiding the tough decisions, as I dealt with that with my mother when making medical decisions for my father.

Bridget’s response to being thrown into a family crisis prompts her to question everything about her life, including her marriage. Danner plays the character of Ruth with heartbreaking tenderness, though there are moments of humor as well. And Forster, Ruth’s husband and primary caregiver, demonstrates a loving resilience underneath his gruff, practical exterior.

Both Danner and Swank have experienced real-life caregiving, which I think brought an extra layer of realism to their portrayals.

The film is available on video-on-demand services. (I watched it on Vudu.) It does contain a fair amount of profanity, but it seemed to be a natural fit for the characters’ personalities. If you’ve seen the movie, I’d love to know what you thought about it.

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A reunion with kindness

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I had a chance encounter this past week with a woman who was a true angel to my family several years ago. Sandra went out of her way to care for my mother and myself as my father was dying. She even put her life (and car) at risk, driving through a snowstorm.

Sandra played a role in what was one of the worst moments of my life, but also a moment that helped inspire this blog, The Memories Project.

Over the years, I’ve thought about Sandra and her multiple acts of kindness. Such people seem to appear when you need them the most.

And so it happened that our paths crossed again. You can read about the encounter via my post on Medium or via the Twitter thread below. (Click through to read entire thread on Twitter.)

As I’ve said before, I’m a skeptic, but I’m also not a fool. There can only be so many coincidences. I keep my eyes and heart open for these moments, and try to learn from them. I hope you will do the same in your lives, and also remember that small acts of kindness can have a tremendous impact on a person’s life.

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4 Disturbing Dementia Behaviors and How You Can Go From Frustration to Connection — The Imperfect Caregiver

This blog post by Bobbi Carducci is a good reminder on how dementia caregivers must learn a new way to connect and communicate with their loved one, as verbal skills begin to decline. She offers good tips on how you can manage some of the most difficult dementia behaviors.

Often the behavior of someone with dementia is so changeable and unpredictable it’s almost impossible to figure out what is going on, leaving the caregiver confused and frustrated. Why is your spouse confused with you and so alert when someone comes to visit? Why does your mother, who is usually calm and agreeable, suddenly become […]

via 4 Disturbing Dementia Behaviors and How You Can Go From Frustration to Connection — The Imperfect Caregiver

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January 31, 2019 · 9:19 pm