It’s hard to believe that today marks the second anniversary of my father’s death. My grief is still pretty raw, yet the person I was back then seems like such a distant memory. So much has happened, both good and bad in the two years since his death that it almost seems like another lifetime.
The weather is dreary, much like the day he died, though at least there’s not a cold rain. In fact, it’s unseasonably mild, making it ideal walking weather. So I took a long walk on my neighborhood’s walking trail, something Dad would have enjoyed. Then I stopped for coffee, another of Dad’s favorite things. I made a donation to the tribute fund for Dad through the Alzheimer’s Association. I’m dedicating the day to writing about Dad and promoting Alzheimer’s awareness. I’m listening to the Bing Crosby channel on Pandora while I write. They are playing so many of Dad’s favorite songs.
I’ve also started a Tumblr to vent about the rocky road of caregiving. Feel free to check it out, it’s called The Caregiver Vent. Warning, because it is a vent, it is uncensored so occasionally profanity is used. If you’re on Tumblr, let me know.
What I’ve learned over the last couple of years is that it is the effort we make in taking care of our loved ones that matters more than the results. Even the most skilled caregiver in the world cannot clear the confusion of a dementia patient. Those with dementia may not recognize their family caregivers. What it comes down to is you being able to live comfortably with the actions you take as a caregiver. You will make mistakes, we all do. Just try to avoid making poor decisions that will haunt you. And above all, be forgiving. Of others, and of yourself. I’m still working on that last one …
2 responses to “Two years since Dad died”
So sorry about the loss of your father. Even two years later, I am sure it will remain painful. I think you candor is remarkable, and your work is a lovely tribute. All my best this Christmas,
Just like there is no perfect parent who raises perfect children, there is no way to be a perfect caretaker. You’re learning as you go. How hard to lose your dad right at Christmas time. Not that it would be easier any other time, but then you have to push through the holidays as you work through other arrangements. It’s good that you are doing things to honor your dad, and your relationship with him on this 2nd anniversary. I hope you feel close to him as you listen to Pandora, as I’m sure he is with you smiling with pride. May you find peace in the new year.