What’s important is what was in the middle

I stumbled across this blog via a Facebook post. I’m not a religious person, but this blog post by Rev. Katie Norris is particularly relevant to those of us long-distance caregivers who struggle with guilt.

We should focus on happier times with our loved ones, not the final moments.

Norris has had to make the decision whether to return home for her mother’s last days multiple times. Dying of course is not a nice and neat affair, and one can be slowly dying for years. Most of us would like to be there when our loved one passes, but Norris points out that we have to accept our lack of control in this situation and that our ideal ending may not happen.

Ultimately, we must focus not on the ending, but the middle, on that time spent with our loved ones during the bulk of our lives.

I thought this was such a simple but profound philosophy. It’s a lesson that really hits home with me, because I have struggled so much with not being there when my father died.

I wanted to pass along the message to those of you who may be struggling with guilt or regret.