Friday marked the three-month anniversary of my mother’s death. Certainly not a day goes by that I don’t think of her, but I am beginning to move through a transition phase.
Everyone’s grief process is unique and whether it takes a month or a year or 10 years, there is no reason to delay or rush the process. Nowadays, so many people want to be able to read a book or even just a Facebook post that offers them 10 steps to grieving and getting on with their lives.
But like with the rest of life, grief is not easy.
With each marker of time, such as a birthday or holiday, the reminder of a loved one’s passing hits home once again. With each such event, the loss becomes more permanent.
I made decent strides while I was in New Mexico clearing out my parents’ belongings from the condo and beginning to add some of my own touches. This will be a long work in process, physically, financially and emotionally.
But the residence in New Mexico is slowly transitioning from being a place of sickness and burden, to being a place of rest and reflection. These kinds of shifts don’t happen overnight, and I know there will be bumps along the road.
There is a point where former caregivers can see beginnings, instead of just endings along their path of life. It takes some getting used to, but it’s part of the journey.
What helped you to cope after the death of a loved one?
2 responses to “A time of transition”
This is a good step forward, Joy. I’m so proud of how you are coming along. I’m glad you are adding a bit of your own flare to the place. Will the home in New Mexico be your home away from home? I sure do hope you have some support.
I haven’t lost a parent yet, although those days are growing closer. I know this is not like the loss that you’ve experienced, but when I lost my heart dog, I felt like I was falling apart. It was the biggest loss of my life. I was very close with my grandparents (especially one grandma), and even losing them didn’t hit me as hard. He filled so many roles for me that I didn’t have at the time. I don’t think I coped very well. I found an online support group for pet loss, and I think that is what helped me get through it. So, I do hope that you have some support for you through this. Wish we lived closer to each other, cause I’d be there as a shoulder.
Thanks Lori. Yes, I now have a vacation home. 🙂 I do have a great support network. And I totally get it about pets … I cried harder at the loss of my first cat a few years ago than any other loss I’ve experienced. It’s just different … I know some people would not understand that but it’s just a different kind of bonding relationship. I’m glad you were able to find an online support group!