Today marks six months since my mother died. In many ways, it seems impossible that so much time has passed. A half a year! I think of her multiple times daily, and honestly, most of my thoughts are fixated on those last months. I wish her end had been less painful, though I know dwelling on it will not change anything.
But certainly there are some things moving along in the right direction. The house is refinanced, and I hope to have credit card debt cleared in less than a year. My job is going well, and I’m thankful for the good benefits it provides.
I’m writing not quite as much I think I should, but I am writing. I won a writing award. I was interviewed for a documentary.
To use a not-so-lovely analogy, my grief feels like a bad wound that is slowly healing. If I leave it alone, and don’t pick at it too much, it will eventually heal and a scar may be the only reminder. But it won’t burn or hurt permanently, if I tend to it well. If I let time take its course, and focus on other things, the healing process will work.
I just need to trust in that process.
I need to resist the temptation to open that wound.
My mom would wish me peace over pain. I need to honor her wishes.
2 responses to “A fragile healing over the grief”
Just like everyone’s Caregiving journeys are different, so is our journey though our grief. Grief is so personal, so real! But on thing that I find common in grief is that we are all there to support each other. That old cliché’ is true, time does heal all wounds. Wounds heal in their own time at their own pace, and the same is true when we are healing while grieving.
Thanks for your great post!
Sorry for your loss.