Home renovation and caregiving both require leaving one’s comfort zone

To kick off the year I had to repipe my home, something I had been dreading and putting off for several years. I had a lot of old galvanized pipes that had been there well before I purchased the property in 2005. For years I had been patching leaks; sometimes the would rust/corrode over which bought me a bit more time but made me recoil at the idea of the water quality coming through these ancient pipes.

It was one of those home improvement projects that hung over me like a dark cloud. I’m not a procrastinator, quite the opposite, but the cost of an entire home repipe is astronomical. It’s one of those projects you hope to put off until you get some kind of windfall, but let’s face it, that rarely happens in life. Same thing with caregiving situations; a medical crisis doesn’t wait until you have a nice rainy day fund.

Even though home improvement and caregiving may seem to have little in common, I did find that some of my prior caregiving skills and experience came in handy. Initially I had a similar sense of intense dread about this project as I did about caregiving, but once I’m committed, I’m all in.

Researching topics I know little about gives me some sense of control I crave in these types of situations. My researching abilities are my strength and organizing price quotes, materials, and methods for my plumbing project reminded me of how I researched care options for my parents.

Flexibility is not one of my strengths but required in both home improvement and caregiving situations. There is always a level of uncertainty involved and one has to steel themselves for unexpected outcomes. Admittedly, I thrive on order and structure; I’m a deliberate decision maker and don’t like making spur of the moment decisions. But I find that I’m able to adapt when necessary. I learned to dread the knock on my bedroom door when the plumbers came across the unexpected and needed my input, such as tile behind the shower wall, and an ancient cast iron tub inside the tub I’d been using for the past 20+ years! But I pushed through, just as I did with making caregiving decisions.

Another area where I found similarity between home improvement and caregiving is having to rely upon other’s opinions and advice. As an independent person, this is a challenge for me to be “needy” even though I was certainly paying a high price tag for plumbing expertise. With caregiving, I felt a similar helplessness, relying upon the medical expertise of strangers who I hoped had the best interests of my parents in mind. I will say I gained an entirely new appreciation for plumbers and the technical expertise they have.

Co-existing with a house full of strangers and the constant noise that ensued was another challenge. I work remotely so there was a high level of disruption for a few days. I was concerned about how my senior dog Murphy would do, as he’s not fond of strangers in the house. Would he bark nonstop for hours on end? I made sure I had my noise-canceling headphones fully charged. Funny enough, Murphy slept through all of the drilling and hammering and only barked when he heard people on the stairs. I also was concerned about the cats escaping outside, as the plumbers at one point had to access the room I was keeping them enclosed in but fortunately they stayed put. Ironically, I got even more work done than normal because I didn’t want to be in the plumbers’ way so I stayed glued to my desk.

Once the repiping was done, I had to bring in another service to fix the tile damage. By the time I got quotes and service scheduled, I had been staring at my nice new shower for over two weeks but unable to use it. Then there was a missing part of the shower trim that I had to order and have the plumbers come back and install. In total, I went almost an entire month without a proper shower. (At least I had a nice new sink to do sink baths. And also good thing it’s winter and I live alone.) After the shower tile renovation was completed, I had to repaint a bit, add waterproofing, and re-do the floor tile. In fact, I just finished today one of the final steps, about six weeks after the project got started.

I’m relieved to have nice, new plumbing and everything is working well, but after all of the effort and astronomical cost, it does feel a bit anticlimactic. Caregiving can feel like that sometimes; my mother slowly recovered from cancer surgery and then one day she was independently living again but there wasn’t a definitive winning moment. Life just moves on, one way or another.

A new toilet and sink aren’t sexy, but it does make one appreciate the basic necessities of domestic life more.

Finally, home renovation and caregiving have another thing in common: they are both expensive! I half-joke that I should start a GoFundMe but instead, I will link to my books, if you’d like to contribute to my unofficial plumbing expense fundraiser: The Reluctant Caregiver | Slow Dog.