Tag Archives: caregivers

Dementia Caregiving and COVID — When Dementia Knocks

 

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As we face another potential wave of coronavirus cases this fall and winter, this post by Elaine M. Eshbaugh, PhD, on When Dementia Knocks addresses the challenges of caregiving during this unprecedented time with compassion and humility. None of us have all of the answers and we cannot beat ourselves up for making mistakes.  

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I haven’t given COVID as much attention in my blog as it deserves. I’ve started many posts and abandoned them because they felt inadequate. To be fair, I have gotten a bit of hate the few times I’ve written posts about COVID. Examples: I thought you were smarter than this. COVID isn’t any worse than […]

Dementia Caregiving and COVID — When Dementia Knocks

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Navigating the ER as a dementia caregiver can be challenging

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Steve Shepard

I was moved this week when I watched the video of a Maryland woman who was distraught because she was told by hospital staff that she would have to leave her mother-in-law, who was in severe pain and has Alzheimer’s, alone in the emergency waiting room due to COVID-19 restrictions.

As a former dementia caregiver, I can empathize with the helplessness and the frustration that Laura Kramer felt. It’s ridiculous that Kramer had to take her mother-in-law to another county in order to receive treatment and be at her side as her family caregiver. You can watch her emotional plea.

My own father had multiple trips to the emergency room in the last year of his life while he was a resident at a memory center. Their procedure was also to leave the patient at the ER once admitted because they didn’t have the staff to wait with the resident. I often thought about how confused and scared my father must have been, alone in a chaotic emergency room atmosphere.

The good news is that Kramer’s experience forced the hospital to revisit its guidelines and admit that they had made a mistake. Of course COVID-19 restrictions are necessary in a healthcare setting, but no-exception policies could have deadly consequences when it comes to caring for those with cognitive issues. Kramer’s actions should be a role model for other caregivers who find themselves in similar situations.

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Two new movies take fresh spin on eldercare, Alzheimer’s

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I’m always on the lookout for films dealing with caregiving issues, Alzheimer’s and other dementias, as well as those that offer an honest look at growing older. I came across two interesting movies this week that I want to pass along to kick off your weekend. The first is Senior Love Triangle and the second one is Ice Cream in the Cupboard.

These films offer a unique perspective and won’t be to everyone’s liking. For those who prefer to keep their movies more in the PG range with no profanity, you may want to take a pass.  I found both films to be moving and thought-provoking, offering a raw yet empathetic look at the challenges that aging can present. More films are tackling topics such as aging, dementia, and family caregiving and I wholeheartedly support this trend.

Senior Love Triangle is based upon a photo book by Isadora Kosofsky. The story and moving images follow an 84-year-old man who is attempting to balance his relationships with 81-year-old Jeanie and 90-year-old Adina, with nursing homes serving as the backdrop. Dementia, other mental illness and how vulnerable seniors are preyed upon also are part of the storyline. Adult children often have a hard time with their elder loved ones finding romance in the care center environment, but this movie shows how important such affection and human connection is to older people.

Ice Cream in the Cupboard is about a middle-aged couple whose lives change forever after the wife is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in her mid-fifties. The movie is based upon a true story. I appreciated how realistically the film depicted the challenges in dementia caregiving. It never shied away from the more brutal, violent aspects and never sugarcoated what Alzheimer’s caregivers may face on their journeys. However, there is also much love and devotion on display.

Both of these movies are available on video on demand. If you’ve seen these films, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

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Adapting to a new normal

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I recently was interviewed for a new caregiving project called Open Caregiving. The website serves as a collection for caregivers to share their experiences and offer advice to other caregivers. I was happy to participate.

If you would like to share your caregiving story, fill out this form.

One of the pieces of advice I offered that proved to be a key for me in thinking about my father’s dementia was to learn how to accept the “new normal.” While it is natural to lament what your life was like before, who your loved one with dementia was before the disease changed them, it is not helpful to be consumed with the past. Cherish those memories and try to focus on the present.

This was very hard for my mother and I to do as my father’s Alzheimer’s disease progressed further. My mother couldn’t help but correct all of the mistaken memories or gibberish that came out of my father’s mouth and I felt shame and embarrassment for my father’s state of mind. I knew how mortified he would be if he could see himself in that state of mental decline. I discuss this further in my book, The Reluctant Caregiver.

But what helped once my father was in the memory care center was simply to visit him and enjoy his company in that moment. If that meant getting him a cup of coffee or navigating him around the outdoor area for a stroll, then that was enough. I would no longer be able to discuss politics or sports with my father but I could still hold his hand and tell him I loved him.

I hope you are finding ways to adjust to the new normal as you wind your way through your own journey as a dementia caregiver.

 

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New study on family caregiving yields suprising finding

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Pixabay

As a journalist, I am inundated with dozens of reports on new medical studies weekly. The number has only increased during the coronavirus pandemic. One caught my eye this week, because I saw outlets running cheery headlines that set off my BS detector.

One headline example: “Long thought to be damagingly stressful, family caregiving does no harm”

That is quite a proclamation! It is certainly news to the thousands of us who have been family caregivers and experienced mental, emotional, and physical side effects. As with most such overly optimistic headlines, I go to the originating source. In this case, it’s a Johns Hopkins study, Transition to Family Caregiving, which found that “caregivers didn’t have significantly greater inflammation over a nine-year period.”

Certainly this is a significant finding, and it is good news that family caregiving may not have long-term physical effects. My concern is the way such studies are promoted across social media, which could cause family caregivers who are struggling to doubt their own experiences.

Let me be clear that caregivers should always listen to their own body, no matter what a study proclaims. Family caregivers may experience a range of emotional, mental and physical side effects attributed to caregiving. This can include anxiety, anger, depression, burnout, insomnia and appetite issues, just to name several common ailments. While these periods of stress may not trigger a response that show up in an inflammation study, it doesn’t mean that your symptoms are not real.

Bottom line, studies are useful but you know your own body better than any researcher. Don’t let rosy headlines discourage you from seeking help if you are feeling overwhelmed by the duties of family caregiving.

That being said, for those who are anxious about the long-lasting impact of family caregiving on their health, this study may help ease worries. I have found that being a family caregiver can strengthen one’s resiliency, which is a positive in these challenging times.

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“Solo” Walks (aka I Walk Alone But It’s Fine You’re There) — When Dementia Knocks

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I connected with this post on many levels. I am an only child as the author is and I often think about how various diseases, especially dementia, would challenge my fierce independent streak. There is such a valuable lesson here for those who are encountering the early stages of dementia and dementia caregivers.

When I was in my 20’s, I spent a lot of time volunteering for hospice. One of my first hospice patients was a woman in her 60’s who had dementia. Her son lived with her, but he needed a weekly respite. I was told she was active and liked to go for walks. In fact, […]

via “Solo” Walks (aka I Walk Alone But It’s Fine You’re There) — When Dementia Knocks

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July 11, 2020 · 7:13 pm

Why Dementia Means Letting Go (and Why My 2020 Theme is “Let Go”) — When Dementia Knocks

This blog post written by Elaine M. Eshbaugh, PhD, has such a good message for all of us right now, especially caregivers. It is so true that you must learn to “let go” when dealing with dementia. Those of us who have been dementia caregivers have navigated our ways through “new normals” before. Stay safe and don’t be too hard on yourself.

So what’s your personal 2020 theme? (Can you answer this question without using a four-letter word that would’ve gotten you in trouble at recess?) You’ve got your personal and family challenges, which likely include dementia since you are reading my blog. You’ve got whatever chaos is happening in your community. Maybe people are arguing about […]

via Why Dementia Means Letting Go (and Why My 2020 Theme is “Let Go”) — When Dementia Knocks

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June 12, 2020 · 9:57 pm

Honoring caregivers during difficult times

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I’d like to take this moment to express my gratitude to all of the caregivers who have gone above and beyond the call of duty to care for their clients during the coronavirus pandemic. If there is anything positive to come out of this difficult period in our history, it is that the duties of care workers are absolutely essential and have been undervalued by society.

As Ai-Jen Poo writes in the article, Bringing Dignity Back to Essential Work, “I think we have a moment where we’re all taking a step back and seeing just how many people are powering our economy that we just never saw before, that we never valued appropriately, and who keep us safe but we haven’t kept them safe.” Think about the essential workers who have made our lives easier during lockdown, including caregivers, grocery store workers, and delivery drivers. These are roles many have taken for granted, but no more. “Once you see the value of what somebody brings to your life, your safety, your community, your economy, it’s hard to unsee that,” Poo writes. I couldn’t agree more.

Immigrants, women and people of color make up a large part of the caregiver workforce, including those who provided care to my parents. As we take stock during these challenging times, we have the opportunity to address past mistakes, such as underpaying care workers and not providing them with the benefits and the community support they need and deserve. This is not an idealistic, but realistic endeavor. As Poo points out, care workers allow the rest of us to go do our jobs, increasing productivity across the board.

I’m donating to Caring Across Generations to support their work in elevating the dignity and rights of caregivers. I encourage you to support your local caregivers in whatever way you can.

 

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Finding healthy coping strategies as a caregiver

 

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Myriams-Fotos/Pixabay

A caregiver’s job was stressful enough before the coronavirus pandemic struck the world. But now, social isolation and anxiety, along with financial concerns, may feel overwhelming.

Over the last few years, I’ve spent time looking for ways caregivers can find a bit of respite, even if it’s just for an hour or an afternoon. What I learned from my work on Respite Care Share was that many caregivers aren’t seeking traditional respite care, which involves taking a longer physical break away from their loved one. While they would love a caregiving break, they worry about placing their loved one, especially those with dementia, in the care of a stranger while they’re away.

Based upon that feedback, I started focusing more on self-care, and finding realistic ways a caregiver can find some solace even in the midst of caregiving. It may be a cup of tea in the morning before everyone else is awake; it may be sitting in the garden while your loved one naps. Reading a chapter of a book after your loved one goes to bed. Listening to a favorite song while your loved one is occupied with an activity. It may not seem like much, but it can make a positive difference.

These are all things that can also be done during times of self-isolation. Supplements and herbal remedies may be helpful (but check with your doctor first.) On CBD for Caregivers, I published a post about relaxing beverages which are either non-alcoholic or lower in alcohol. The good news is that there are a variety such beverages available now, and many are quite tasty! One of my new favorites is Hella Cocktail Co.’s Bitters & Soda. It’s a nice beverage to sip while sitting outside in the area of the yard I’ve transformed into my respite corner.

Challenging times like these can find us slipping into bad habits like excessive drinking, smoking, overeating, etc. I hope you have or can find a healthier way to navigate these stressful times while keeping you and your family safe.

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Stay at Home with a Good Book – AlzAuthors Anthology Two is Now Available in Paperback — AlzAuthors: Alzheimer’s and Dementia Books, Blogs, Stories

Honored to have been able to share my caregiving experience that inspired The Reluctant Caregiver included in this collection.

Life these days is turned upside down for most of us, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. There is so much uncertainty, fear, and loss. Those of us caring for loved ones with Alzheimer’s and other dementias find ourselves stressed, not only from our usual pressures but the new ones the virus has delivered: stay-at-home orders…

via Stay at Home with a Good Book – AlzAuthors Anthology Two is Now Available in Paperback — AlzAuthors: Alzheimer’s and Dementia Books, Blogs, Stories

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April 17, 2020 · 4:49 pm