Category Archives: Memories

July 9, 2012 · 8:39 pm

Repairing the body, not the mind

Mom did well during surgery, and is now recovering. The marvels of modern medicine has saved my mom’s life, but of course it also hits an elderly person’s body hard. Mom looks and feels like she’s been caught in a tornado, but her sense of humor is still intact.

From time to time, a flicker of fear flashes across her eyes. Is it because of her near brush with death? Or is it just a side effect of all the pain meds she’s on?

I remember seeing that same look of fear in Dad’s eyes toward the end of his life. He looked more and more like a little lost deer that had been separated from his mother.

Dad also went through surgery. His body recovered from the gallstone surgery. Unfortunately, there was no doctor in the world that could repair his mind.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

July 8, 2012 · 7:03 pm

Being on hospital time

Another reminder of my dad’s last few months of life resurfaced today. I forgot what it was like to be on hospital time, which follows no rules or structure, just whenever they are darn good and ready. Certainly one can understand that emergency cases can change the course of a day in a snap, but it’s still frustrating to be the relative (or the patient) waiting and waiting for something to happen. Then in a flurry, everything happens.

It was the same way with my dad when he was in CCU at the hospital in Albuquerque. There would be maddening delays between a machine sounding a warning beep and a nurse coming in to attend to the issue. And trying to snag the doctor? You’d be more likely to obtain an autograph from Brad Pitt than have the honor of the doctor’s presence in your room. It really is scary how much power the doctors wield in the hospital setting, considering their physical presence is so fleeting.

Today, after Mom’s surgery was delayed due to an emergency surgery, I stepped out, only to return and find that Mom had been whisked away to surgery in my absence! Luckily, I was able to see her in the prep area before she was sent off to surgery. And more good news, she made it through surgery just fine.

Still, as stressful as it is to have a loved one in the hospital with a serious medical condition, you also have to endure hospital time, which can be so maddening. Hospitals can’t control the amount of cases that walk through their door, but they could be better at communication.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

July 7, 2012 · 6:10 pm

The eyes and smile of a fragile parent

Mom is headed to surgery tomorrow. All best wishes and prayers accepted!

As I was watching her rest today in the hospital, she opened her eyes from a nap and rested her gaze slowly on me. A dawning realization spread across her face, and a weak smile greeted me. This was the same reaction I got from Dad, though with less recollection of who I was. Still, he always seemed grateful to see me at his bedside. It is such a sweet, innocent, pure gesture. It’s love in action, in its simplest form.

It’s beautiful and heartbreaking, yet rewarding at the same time.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

July 6, 2012 · 6:24 pm

Hospital nightmare begins again

Mom is in the ER and we’ll be headed to surgery soon. She’s going to Roswell, where Dad spent most of his final year of life.

Not the way Mom wanted to spend her 75th birthday I’m sure.

Entering the nightmarish world of the hospital again. This time with a different parent.

And hopefully a different outcome.

1 Comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as

July 5, 2012 · 9:37 pm

The clock test

When I found out my dad’s memory was declining, I thought about asking him to do the clock test. I had stumbled upon it online, and had found out it was commonly used to help diagnose dementia and/or cognitive decline. But before I had the chance, Dad got sick and ended up in the hospital.

Now my mom is the one that is sick, though her issue seems to be more physical than mental. But as she was being assessed for home health care today, they had her do the clock test.

She got most of the numbers right, but they started at about the one o’clock position and trailed around to about seven o’clock. Mom knew it wasn’t right and was disappointed she couldn’t figure out. My mom has always loved puzzles.

It broke my heart to see her struggle over a test an elementary school child could do.

4 Comments

Filed under Memories

Tagged as ,

July 4, 2012 · 6:29 pm

Sparklers on the patio

One 4th of July, our family had our own modest fireworks display. While usually it would be the kid that would be begging the parents for bottle rockets and sparklers to set off, I was a fearful kid. So it was Mom that thought it would be fun to shoot off some fireworks on the 4th of July. I remember the shack that housed the fireworks for sale. It was a sensory overload with the explosion of bright colors and the names of the various fireworks, which might as well have been written in a foreign language.

Of course, Mom being Mom, she chose the most low-key fireworks available.

After dinner, Mom, Dad and I gathered on our patio, which was a tiny slab of concrete surrounded by a wooden fence. Dad soon departed, as Mom didn’t want him smoking around the other explosives. Dad slunk off to the carport area, his other prime smoking area.

We got a couple of things that were supposed to twirl around on the ground, but they turned out to be duds.

I do remember the sparklers, which I held as far away from me as possible, afraid that I was going to set myself on fire. I remember the soft hiss the sparklers made, and how they lit up our faces.

Then the fun was over, and all was dark again. Later, we all gathered again on the patio, to look into the sky and see the professional fireworks display that was taking place a few miles away. The thudding pops were followed by a rain of color exploding in the sky. We stood together as a family, in awe and glee over the spirited display.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

July 3, 2012 · 7:25 pm

Fear and fascination of fireworks

My parents made the mistake of taking me to a fireworks display when I was about two and I bawled my head off the whole time. As I got older, my love of loud noises didn’t grow, but my fascination with the colorful light display in the sky was enough to make me forget about the noise that accompanied them.

Most years, we attended the local fireworks event that suburban towns have, usually in a park or in the athletic field of the high school. It was a semi-professional affair. There was a lot of waiting around, and then finally, the crowd’s necks turned towards the sky. There were plenty of duds which earned groans from the crowd. My favorite part was the ending, where it seemed the fireworks crew threw up whatever was remaining, creating an interesting and unpredictable mix of colors and patterns.

When I was very young, Dad would put me on top of his shoulders so I could be that much closer to the sky. Then I had my fear of heights and loud noises to contend with!

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as ,

July 2, 2012 · 9:02 pm

Doing what’s right for your parents

When my dad became ill, Mom was the one making the big health decisions. I didn’t always agree with her, but it also removed me from some of the guilt I might have otherwise felt. I also didn’t understand how complicated the red tape can get when you have a loved one working their way through the healthcare system. Dementia adds another layer of difficulty.

But now, Mom is the one sick. And eventually, and it’s looking like it may be sooner than later, it will be my turn to manage her care.

I can’t help but compare the two situations. Mom is threatening to skip the colonoscopy. I can’t say I blame her, but I also know that Mom would have made the decision for Dad to have the colonoscopy, even if he had protested. She always said she wanted to give him every chance possible to live.

I always thought Mom was forever the optimist, but now that she’s ill, reality has taken over.

As a realist myself, one would assume I would be relieved. But I miss my mom’s hope, even if it is futile.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as ,

July 1, 2012 · 7:40 pm

Tired of being poked and prodded

My mom is sadly getting a taste of what Dad went through over the last year or so of his life. Mom is dreading the colonoscopy, saying that reading the prep directions gives her the “heebie-jeebies.” She says it reminds of her of the various tests Dad went through and how he was “poked and prodded” so much. Dad somehow was fortunate enough to avoid the dreaded colonoscopy, but we did beg him to go through the prostate exams that his doctor recommended after Dad started having prostate issues. He flat-out refused.

Mom seems to be leaning that way herself. Dad had many hospital visits and tests over the last year of his life, and since he lived in a nursing home that final year, he became used to (or at least didn’t fight) being handled by strangers. Mom still has most of her mind, though as she grows physically weaker, I see some of the same mental signs that I saw in my Dad.

But for Mom, it’s an unnerving situation. And because the symptoms seemed to come on so suddenly, she had no time to prepare for a loss of independence, as she was just dumped with a jarring thud into this world of being sick.

Because there are so many elderly that are ill, there’s not a lot of time for hand-holding or encouragement. She received a brief visit from the doctor, who ordered the colonoscopy, handed her a bunch of paperwork and sent her on her way. This is where we really need community health services to grow and fill in the gap. My mom is going to call a local group tomorrow to see if they can assist her.

It’s yet another reason to never take a moment for granted, because none of us know when illness will strike.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

June 30, 2012 · 7:30 pm

Dad’s love affair with hot dogs

I was talking to my mom today, and she said how she didn’t want to read the Food section of the newspaper, as it was all about hot dogs, and she didn’t think she would ever eat another one of those again. She then mentioned how Dad and I loved her chili dogs when I was growing up.

It is indeed true. I’ve always been a fan of burgers more than hot dogs, but around the 4th of July, Mom would decide it was time for hot dogs. According to Dad, his diet when he was a young immigrant in New York City consisted of hot dogs and coffee. Apparently, Dad did not lose his love affair with the American staple when he moved to the West Coast.

I remember the vivid colors of the meal. The yellow mustard, the red ketchup, the green pickle relish and the green onions and the bowl of orange-tinted shredded cheese. I think I liked the toppings more than the hot dog itself!

There was a giant bowl of potato chips (the rippled kind, usually sour cream and onion flavored).

It was one of those fun weekend/holiday meals that was always a hit. Simple food, simple people, simply a good family memory.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,