When home can no longer be found

One common behavior in those with Alzheimer’s disease is to ask to “go home.” It seems like the simplest of requests, but caregivers are often stumped because their loved one may make this request when they are already home. That’s because the meaning of “home” can change as the disease progresses.

My father asked to go home almost every time my mother visited him at the memory care center during the last year of his life. But my mother didn’t get the sense that my dad meant home as the condo they had purchased. Home seemed to be a more vague destination. In fact, my dad and his roommate reportedly hatched a plan to escape the memory care center and catch a bus to … somewhere undefined. The memory care center had secured access and the escape plan was quickly forgotten.

The last time I saw my father alive, he also expressed a desire to go home. This time, it was clear that home meant to Belfast, his birthplace, because he mentioned wanting to see his sisters. There is some evidence to suggest that those with dementia hold on to their earliest memories longer than more recent ones.

For caregivers, the “going home” request can be difficult to navigate. This recent article in Self has some good tips and strategies. Once physical discomforts are ruled out, caregivers can implement a variety of strategies to engage with their loved one and help them move on from the “going home” obsession loop. These strategies may need to be adjusted over time; be prepared for a period of trial and error.

Loved ones with dementia who express great distress about their current surroundings may attempt to wander. In these cases, making sure home are adapted to prevent escape attempts is essential. Specialized door locks and high-tech tracker tags can help in these situations.

Losing a sense of home must be frightening, as our homes are often our sanctuaries. Helping loved ones with Alzheimer’s navigate this disturbing yet common behavior takes compassion, patience, and creativity.

Image by DALL-E 3 via ChatGPT.