Category Archives: Memories

October 28, 2024 · 8:00 am

Which songs will be on your end-of-life playlist?

What songs would you like to listen to as you depart this world. Marie Curie conducted research on this intriguing topic and compiled a list of the most popular songs for those at the end of life, The Guardian reported. Familiar favorites like Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” and “Hey Jude” by the Beatles made the top 10 list, as did a couple of perhaps more surprising selections: “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” by Cyndi Lauper and “The Best” by Tina Turner. Check out the complete top 10 list and learn more about the study on Marie Curie’s website and listen to the playlist on Spotify.

Music therapy can have a profound and positive impact at the end of life, as well as for those with conditions like Alzheimer’s disease. The Marie Curie study found that playing music had a calming effect for the vast majority of those in end of life care.

Music is a personal passion for many people, whether they play instruments or are devoted fans to particular artists and bands. There is no right or wrong answer when it comes to selecting favorite songs for an end of life playlist. Some may choose soothing music, others may want to rock out to their favorite songs that remind them of happy times in their life. I remember having a brief hospice consultation when my father was in the hospital at the end of his life. Sadly there was no room in the inpatient hospice unit for him, but I remember the counselor asking about Dad’s favorite music. That was easy to answer. Dad’s playlist would have included Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, and at least one rendition of “Danny Boy.”

When my mother was dying at home, I played her favorite music. Mom had fairly eclectic tastes, but she was most fond of classic country such as Willie Nelson, Dolly Parton, Kris Kristofferson, and Glen Campbell. But when my mother took her last breath, she departed on an upbeat tune by Trini Lopez, which matched Mom’s personality quite well.

I also have eclectic tastes in music so my playlist would include selections from Eva Cassidy, the McGarrigle Sisters, Gillian Welch, a mix of classic country and 1980s-1990s alternative rock, along with bluegrass and Celtic instrumentals.

What music would you include in your end of life playlist?

Image by Microsoft Copilot.

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September 30, 2024 · 8:00 am

Devastating flooding in my mother’s hometown of Newport, TN

I was sad to see the destruction that Hurricane Helene caused in Newport, Tennessee. While all eyes were on Florida where the Category 4 storm made landfall, areas far away such as Asheville, North Carolina and Newport also suffered significant damage.

Newport was my mother’s hometown, and always held a special place in her heart. The east Tennessee community in the shadow of the Great Smoky Mountains played a major role in all of my mother’s fondest childhood memories, from tending to the animals on the farm to family picnics in the Smoky Mountains.

Flooding has made some roads inaccessible and has led to hazardous driving conditions. Commercial buildings and homes have suffered water damage. There have been numerous water rescues, including one from the rooftop of a hospital in a nearby county.

This isn’t the first natural disaster to impact an area connected to my parents. In June, wildfires ravaged Ruidoso, New Mexico, where my parents retired.

A week ago, residents of Newport, Asheville, and other areas far removed from the Florida coast weren likely not thinking about storm preparations. Yet, here we are. That’s why it’s important as a family caregiver to have a storm preparation plan in place. Evacuation decisions can be difficult to make for medically fragile loved ones, but it can also be difficult to remain and potentially be cut off from necessary medical services. Doing research and planning ahead of the next storm can make all the difference.

Digital illustration by Microsoft Copilot.

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September 16, 2024 · 8:00 am

Remembering a former colleague, community activist

Earlier this month, a former colleague of mine, Marcia Killingsworth, died from lung disease. Our paths crossed professionally when we worked for the same newspaper and then we became longtime Facebook friends, where we shared a loving devotion to our cats.

I knew that Marcia had been actively involved in her community of Edison, Georgia, where she moved back to after retiring. An article written after her death highlighted just what a difference her contributions made to the town. Marcia was dogged in her dedication to holding the town’s leaders financially accountable, faithfully attending monthly city council meetings, taking notes and asking critical questions. She followed up on issues until she received answers, and documented everything on social media. This is not glamourous work, but it is necessary. Her actions inspired others to join her. One of those residents said of Marcia: “She was the one who brought Edison to light.”

I love that and hope it will offer inspiration for those of us working to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Sometimes our work can seem futile and discouraging, but individually and collectively, we are making a difference. Our actions may not make headlines or go viral, but they will be remembered by others.

Illustration by Microsoft Copilot.

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September 3, 2024 · 8:00 am

September is Healthy Aging Month

September has arrived and I’m ready for summer to be over! One of the best things about cooler weather is that it encourages me to be more active outdoors.

It’s no secret that middle age ushers in physical changes to the body, many unwelcomed. I’ve already had to address elevated cholesterol levels and I just turned 50. Fitness is something that I’ve taken for granted, because for most of my life, walking has been part of my daily routine. It still is, but the only downside in working from home is that my built-in exercise of walking to and from work has been eliminated. I walk my senior dog twice a day, but while our slow meanders around the block are good for my emotional well-being, they don’t offer the same physical benefits.

Good physical health as one ages isn’t just about weight, though you may have noticed that as you get older, it’s harder to lose a few extra pounds. Staying active can help reduce the risk of dementia, as well. Health.gov has an initiative called “Move Your Way” which encourages one to engage in physical activity they enjoy. Instead of forcing yourself to the gym if that’s not your cup of tea, take a walk in nature, or a dance class. I like this approach as it makes being active more accessible to everyone.

For me, yardwork is an effective, whole body workout that offers a mix of cardio, strength, and flexibility training. Don’t overlook the power of household chores! Sweeping, mopping, scrubbing, etc. all count as physical activity. Aim for a healthy mix of exercise that will help you maintain a healthy weight, as well as muscle strength, flexibility, and balance to prevent falls. The key is to find physical activity that you enjoy, so you’ll have an incentive to make it part of your health routine.

Image courtesy of U.S. Department of Health and Human Services.

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August 26, 2024 · 8:00 am

GeneMatch a way for older people to contribute to Alzheimer’s research

One of the tasks that has been on my to-do list since turning 50 is registering for GeneMatch, a program led by the Banner Alzheimer’s Institute. The program uses genetic testing to recruit people age 50-90 for Alzheimer’s prevention studies.

After what seemed like little activity for years when it comes to treatment options for Alzheimer’s and other dementias, in the past few years, new drug treatments have emerged that are offering some hope. These new medications have also been accompanied by controversy, as I’ve written before about Leqembi and Aduhelm. But one thing that isn’t in dispute is that effective treatments cannot be developed without a sufficient amount of study participants. According to the Alzheimer’s Prevention Registry, 80 percent of studies are delayed because of lack of qualified participants.

Joining GeneMatch is simple and free. Those who meet the basic requirements will be sent a cheek swab test that can be completed in the comfort of your home, and then returned in a postage-paid package. One thing to keep in mind is that you won’t necessarily learn the results of the genetic testing, but some studies may offer the opportunity to learn APOE results. Since I’ve had genetic testing done previously, I already know I carry one copy of the APOE e4 gene, which increases my risk for Alzheimer’s disease. With the disease appearing on both sides of my family tree, I’m eager to do whatever I can to find effective treatment.

For caregiver tips, check out my Caregiver Product Recommendations page, with a list of products that I used while caring for my parents.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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July 27, 2024 · 1:08 pm

Highs and lows and embracing resilience

My 50th birthday was memorable in the best and worst of ways. The day before I turned 50, I traveled to Las Vegas and did the SkyJump at The Strat. It’s an 855-foot plunge from a platform on the 108th floor. Jumpers are attached to a cable and guide wire system for a controlled descent. It’s described as a vertical zip line.

It’s important to note that I’m terrified of heights. I can’t climb a ladder more than a few rungs without my knees shaking. It’s for this reason that I wanted to challenge myself and face one of my biggest fears. Letting go and stepping into the sky is a sensation like no other.

You can watch the video of my SkyJump below. Yes, I screamed all the way down, a mixture of fear and exhilaration.

It’s a good thing that I was still running on the high from the SkyJump because when trying to return home, I ran into the flight software issue that plagued airlines over the past week. I ended up spending early Sunday morning sleeping on the floor of the Las Vegas airport, only to have my flight canceled Sunday afternoon. There was a lot of sitting and waiting, which reminded me of all the times I spent with Mom in doctor’s offices and hospital waiting rooms. It’s a mixture of anxiety, dread, and boredom but my past caregiver experience has built up a reservoir of resilience for such situations. My main concern was not for myself but for my pets, and fortunately I was able to find a pet sitter to fill in at the last minute for my extended absence. I finally made it home Tuesday morning.

It’s not the way I would have preferred to end my birthday trip, but as one gets older and experiences the highs and lows of life, one learns how to better adapt to challenging circumstances.

For caregiver tips, check out my Caregiver Product Recommendations page, with a list of products that I used while caring for my parents.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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July 18, 2024 · 8:00 am

Reflections on turning 50

I’m turning 50 this week. Age may just be a number, but 50 feels like a significant milestone.

While I’m very grateful for my good health, I’m eager to move beyond the worst decade of my life. Within a year of turning 40, my mother died. A few years later, my nearly 20-year relationship ended in divorce. A year later, the coronavirus pandemic shut down the world and left us fearing for our lives and sanity. Just before Thanksgiving 2022, I was laid off from my job. I said a heartbreaking farewell to several beloved pets over the last decade of my life. My 40s was witness to a political firestorm in the U.S. that to my horror, gets worse with each passing day with no resolution in sight.

As I was reminiscing, I came across a blog post that I wrote when I turned 40, and what I hoped to accomplish during this decade of my life. I was prepared for cringeworthy commentary, but in fact, I accomplished all three of the items on my 40s list! I wrote and published a book (a total of 3 in fact!), I went to Ireland and N. Ireland, and I’ve grown my Alzheimer’s awareness advocacy efforts.

It reminded me of the worthy accomplishments that I achieved during my 40s, even if those things are often overshadowed by the barrage of difficult times. Reflecting on the good and the bad, I see a pattern emerge: good often follows the bad. For example, I was able to replace a job that was draining my energy with one that has allowed me to grow and gain new skills. I’ve been able to welcome new rescue pets into my life. Caring for my parents taught me many things about the healthcare system and the resilience of caregivers.

I’m not making a to-do list for my 50s. Instead I’m focusing on challenging myself to face my fears and be open to new experiences. I hope good will follow the bad for me this decade.

For caregiver tips, check out my Caregiver Product Recommendations page, with a list of products that I used while caring for my parents.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

ICYMI: I’m participating in the Smashwords Summer/Winter sale. Get the e-book version of my award-wining collection of personal essays, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off (just 99 cents!) during the entire month of July. Enter the code SSW50 at checkout.

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July 6, 2024 · 12:22 pm

Thinking of Mom on her birthday

Mom would have been 87 today. While Mom and I were opposites in many ways, I did gain an appreciation of music from her. She loved her Martin guitar and it survived several moves with her. She taught me to play a bit when I was a kid; it kept me occupied over those long, hot summers in California. After she died, the guitar was one of the mementos that I cherished the most, so it’s now in my home. I’ve attempted to play it again sporadically, and hope one day I can dedicate enough time to be able to play casually again.

I also inherited an appreciation of a wide range of music from my mother. She loved listening to everything from Mozart and Beethoven to Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson. She even tried to appreciate the music I loved growing up, and the music video craze of the 1980s. I think Cyndi Lauper was probably her favorite, because she was so fun and colorful.

Mom would be proud knowing I was still sharing our family caregiving story with others. You can listen to my appearance on the Caregiver SOS podcast on Spotify or your preferred podcast hosting service. I’ll write more about the appearance in my next post.

A reminder: I’m participating in the Smashwords Summer/Winter sale. Get the e-book version of my award-wining collection of personal essays, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off (just 99 cents!) during the entire month of July. Enter the code SSW50 at checkout.

Check out my summer book recommendations for caregivers for even more books to help you on your caregiving journey.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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June 16, 2024 · 8:00 am

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to all who celebrate.

Fathers come in many forms, and there may be father figures in your life that are not your biological father, but have meaningful roles in your life.

For those of us whose fathers are no longer alive, may you be able to reflect on happy memories.

Need last minute gift ideas: check out Caregiver gifts on Amazon | Respite care gift guide As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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May 21, 2024 · 12:59 pm

Marking 9 years since my mother’s death

Today marks nine years since my mother died. In ways it feels like a lifetime ago, with all that has happened across the globe over the last several years. Mom picked a good time to depart as she would have hated to see so so much strife and rage in the world.

Yet I can still feel the raw emotions from the day of her passing. Grief isn’t a wound that heals but a new path in life you learn to navigate.

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