This is an important topic that no adult child wants to have to deal with but it is simply human nature at work.
Category Archives: Memories
Dad’s 81st birthday
Today would have been Dad’s 81st birthday. I never expected my father to live that far into old age, as I always suspected his nearly lifelong smoking habit would catch up to him sooner rather than later. Despite being diagnosed with COPD and emphysema he never suffered the severe consequences of those diseases. He wasn’t one of those people who needed to carry an oxygen tank with him or who could not walk a few steps without getting out of breath. He remained in decent physical shape until the last few months of his life. It was the parts of his brain that stopped working properly that caused him the biggest health-related issues.
A visit with the ducks.
Today is a beautiful spring day where I live. Okay the pollen that has covered everything in town with a yellow dust isn’t so pretty but the experts claim that doesn’t cause the bad allergy reactions. I wasn’t going to let a little pollen stop me from honoring Dad’s birthday. I took a walk through the park, imagining how much Dad would have enjoyed such beautiful scenery. I visited the lake with the ducks and a pair came right up on the platform where I was for awhile before honking and taking off. I always enjoy seeing the ducks as it reminds me of happy childhood memories of visiting the park with my parents and feeding the ducks. And those honks made me think of Dad’s impersonations of Donald Duck that I loved so much as a little girl.
A Titanic souvenir.
Next I finally made it to the Titanic exhibit. I know Dad would have loved to see the old photographs and recovered items from the world’s most famous ship. You receive a boarding pass with a name of an actual Titanic passenger with your ticket. At the end of the exhibit you get to see if “your” passenger survived or perished. Sadly, my passenger was Mrs. Benjamin Peacock who perished along with her two small children. They were coming to America to join Mr. Peacock who had already arrived in the U.S. the year before and was awaiting their arrival in New Jersey. The whole family was supposed to travel together but the wife was ill at the time and so her husband went on ahead of the family until she was well enough to travel. Sadly, that coincided with the maiden voyage of the Titanic.
I’m going to wrap up the day with an Irish whiskey toast. Last year I had just started a new job so I didn’t have time to honor Dad’s 80th birthday properly. Today I felt Dad’s presence with me throughout the day and I’m glad I was able to mark Dad’s birthday in a special way.
Easter Memories
I remember going on a few Easter egg hunts as a kid. I believe we usually went to the one at the neighborhood park and I think we went to a hunt at the shopping mall one year. Dad didn’t mind taking us to these kiddie events, though he always lurked far away from the festivities, smoking behind a tree patiently. As a kid perhaps I would have preferred a more hands-on father who became excited about plastic eggs and jelly beans and chocolate bunnies, but as an adult, I totally understand his indifference. At least Mom was there with enough enthusiasm for the both of them.
I’ve written previously about our humble but pleasant Easter family traditions but I also remember Easter egg hunts in our apartment. Dad would be roped into helping, though I doubt he put much effort into it, which was a bonus for me! To be fair, it was pretty difficult to hide anything in our small living quarters, but Mom could get pretty creative. I remember enjoying these at-home Easter egg hunts even more than the public ones. (Well let’s face it, since I was an only child I had no competition at home!)
I don’t have any bad memories of Easter. The holiday just floated by in a sweet haze.
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Job recommendation for Dad
LinkedIn and other career-related online tools are so much a part of our professional lives now. Asking for a recommendation is as simple as sending someone an online message. But back when my father was a young man in search for work, you had to work a bit harder to get those recommendations.
I would love to know more about how Dad came to know the law office in question and what group it was that he helped with the planning of the St. Patrick’s Day celebration. St. Patty’s Day in New Orleans? Now that must have been a blast!
It is curious that the author of the letter incorrectly stated that Dad’s hometown was Dublin. I don’t know if that was deliberate or just an oversight. But his description of my father as a worker was spot on. “Able and capable” and whose “honest and integrity could be relied upon.” Yes, indeed that sums up Dad in his professional life. Even though he worked in blue collar jobs all of his life, he was always grateful for the opportunity and never thought he was too good to perform a certain task.
Like the doctor at the hospital in Albuquerque said, they don’t make them like my dad anymore.
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I’ve been following the Two Socks on One Foot blog for awhile, and often see similarities in our stories as family caregivers of a parent with dementia.This post especially reminds me of how Dad suddenly ended up in a care center. It’s important reading for any dementia caregiver.
10 days ago Mum had 2 falls in one day. I came in at lunchtime and she was sitting on the bedroom floor, though apparently uninjured. I couldn’t get her back on her feet so rang my sister to help but we still couldn’t get her up between us. At one point she went quite pale and breathless so I rang an ambulance. We laid Mum on the floor with pillows under her and a blanket over her….and there she spent the afternoon. The ambulance took 5 hours to arrive! I rang several times and it was always the same response. There were higher priority emergencies apparently.
We managed to get her up before the ambulance arrived. My niece came round and between the 3 of us, we got Mum up again but she was so unsteady on her feet, I was really concerned. When the paramedics arrived, they gave…
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Dad in no hurry to marry
I can’t help but think of Dad on St. Patrick’s Day. I’ve already made my toast with Irish whiskey and I’ve cooked vegetarian versions of Irish stew and Colcannon. I believe I’ve mentioned before that for Dad being such a proud Irishman, he was not big on celebrating the holiday. I think he was suspicious of the cartoonish leprechauns and the focus on getting drunk (though Dad loved to have a few pints himself).
Image: Clipartpal.com
Mom was telling me today that she thinks it was more her idea to marry than Dad’s. He seemed to be in no rush to get hitched, despite the fact that he was in his mid-thirties and still single. She didn’t have to push him very hard for him to agree to go down to Mexico and get married, but I wonder what was running through his head at the time.
I think sometimes daughters find it awkward to talk to their fathers about romance, but there are questions about his relationship with Mom that will forever go unanswered now. Mothers and daughters tend to share more information like that more readily. My advice is if you want to know something about your parents, ask now. The worst they can say is no. Otherwise, you may be left wondering the rest of your life about little details of your parents’ lives before you came into the picture.
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Mom and Dad split up?
Well, here’s something about my parents that I never knew before. Mom and I were discussing the strange case of the Canadian tourist found dead at the Cecil Hotel and Mom mentioned that Dad was staying there when they dated. She said she would take the bus from her apartment to the Cecil Hotel to meet Dad. Then they would take another bus to the race track or wherever they were going on their date. They had to take a bus because Dad did not have a car. At the time, he did not even know hw to drive.
Dad was a handsome devil!
And it was Dad’s lack of wheels of all things that caused them to break up a few times. Mom came from that era and culture where you looked at a guy’s shiny set of wheels before you checked out the guy himself. Mom told me they got in a few tiffs that would cause them to take a break from each other for a few weeks at a time. Guess it’s a good thing that Dad got his best buddy to teach him how to drive.
But Mom admitted that she was the one that caved in and would call up Dad when they were on hiatus. Dad would ask why Mom was calling him and Mom would say to find out why Dad hadn’t called her. 🙂
Eventually, Dad obtained his license and a car and Mom’s heart. (Not necessarily in that order.)
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The Cecil Hotel back in the news
UPDATE FEB. 2020: The documentary, “Crime Scene: The Vanishing at the Cecil Hotel,” premieres on Netflix on Feb. 10. I was interviewed for the project. Check out the trailer below.
Read my new blog post on my father’s terrifying experience at the Cecil Hotel.
UPDATE JUNE 2013: News sources are reporting that the death of Elisa Lam has been ruled accidental with bipolar disease being a “significant condition.” This ruling still does not answer the main question on most people’s minds, which is how Elisa Lam ended up on the roof of the hotel (a reportedly secure area only accessible to staff) and how she ended up in the water tank where it has been ruled she accidentally drowned. If no foul play was involved, was there negligence in security by the hotel? Did Elisa Lam have a mental health crisis? So far the police haven’t indicated that the hotel has done anything wrong. It appears we may never really know what caused Elisa Lam to end up on the roof where she tragically died.
My previous post about my father’s encounter with a ghost at the Cecil Hotel started receiving a lot of hits this past week. I soon realized there was a news report of a missing college student named Elisa Lam from Canada and her last known whereabouts were at the Cecil Hotel (also referred to as Hotel Cecil). Furthermore, there is video of her acting strangely in the elevator of the hotel.
A retro image of the Cecil Hotel. Photo: Crow’s Nest postcards, ebay.com
I hoped, along with everyone else, that there would be a happy ending to this story. But whether it is curse or merely coincidence, the Cecil Hotel is now the scene of another tragic death. Over the coming days, perhaps we will learn more about how Elisa Lam, 21, ended up dead in one of the hotel’s water tanks located on the roof. My condolences go out to her family and friends.
Right or wrong, the Cecil Hotel has earned quite the garish reputation over the years. The hotel has seen strange deaths over the years and served as a temporary home to serial killer Richard Ramirez. My father’s frightening experience in a room at the Cecil Hotel shook him up every time he retold the story. Of course, there have been thousands of uneventful stays at this hotel as well. I’m an open-minded skeptic when it comes to buildings with bad atmospheres.
I know Dad would have followed this case closely and would have been very saddened by the unfortunate outcome.
Important advice to remember. It’s so easy to lose yourself while caregiving for others.
Caregivers bear the brunt of a lot, which is why, in the process of caring for our loved ones, we need to take care of ourselves, too.
Or so I tell myself every single day.
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This blog pertains to advocacy in my state of Georgia, but the issue is similar in many places around the world. We must begin to build that Alzheimer’s roadmap now!
When we become aware that there is a problem looming, we typically assess the problem, think about the options, then put in place a plan to address that problem. Some of us are better at this than others.
Right now, thirty-four other states either have an Alzheimer’s State plan or have a study committee or task force currently working to develop a plan—much as our country has created a National Alzheimer’s Plan. Georgia, however, is not one of those states.
Yet, even after two attempts where the Georgia Senate passed resolutions to create a study committee or a task force, neither was appointed—due to budget constraints.
How else will we be ready when funds are available…don’t we need to assess what is already in place, what gaps exist, and therefore what our roadmap should be?
Don’t we need to build a strong collaborative effort between the Georgia State Government, voluntary…
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The Memories Project 