Category Archives: Memories

February 20, 2012 · 10:34 am

Two months since my father died

It seems so much has happened in the two months since my father passed away. Grief still saturates my atmosphere and I think of my father several times a day. Most of the time, I still picture him at the end of his life, which is painful. However, it is a relief to not be waiting for “that call” anymore. I realize that for almost the entire year of 2011 I lived in a state of anxiety, fearing my father’s death long before it actually happened.

In the past two months, good things have started to happen. I started this blog project, which is being well-received by the community and has been great therapy for me. I also am now a storyteller on Cowbird, where I will be writing visual-focused stories about my dad and other areas of my life. I know Dad would be proud, as he always encouraged my interest in writing. I think in a different life Dad would have been a writer as well, penning books about down-on-their-luck boxers with Irish names, and maybe a novel or two about the IRA, which he claimed to be a member of at one time.

My mom is still struggling to find her way alone in this world. She still talks to my dad every day, telling him that she misses him and loves him.

There are still regrets about the last few years that I am working my way through, but I know I cannot change the past, I can only take what I’ve learned and apply it to the present and future. A loss of a loved one changes you forever, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

February 19, 2012 · 10:55 am

My childhood fascination with dad’s scar

When I was a small child, I was fascinated by my dad’s surgical scar and the story behind it. I’m sure that I did not understand all of the details at the time, or even understand the concept of death and how close my dad came to losing his life after complications from abdominal surgery.

What I do remember is the scar on my dad’s stomach, which was a rigid, pale rope of hardened tissue that ran in a vertical direction. I always asked permission before touching it, though it caused him no pain, just a reminder of a frightening moment in his younger days.

At the time, I had a kid’s doctor kit. It came with a plastic stethoscope and reflex hammer and some other vaguely medical-looking doo-dads and a box of “pills” which consisted of candy. My dad would humor me while he was lying in bed reading by allowing me to “examine” him. He would always dutifully accept the prescription of “pills” that I offered him each time.

Sadly, at the end of his life, I could not prescribe him any cure for his condition, nor could the best specialists in Albuquerque. But I still have sweet memories of this daughter-dad bonding moment from my childhood.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as ,

February 18, 2012 · 9:58 am

Dad’s flat feet

As a kid, I was always amazed at my dad’s feet, of all things. They were flat as a board, without a hint of an arch. I used to call them sleds. I think my dad preferred the more poetic term, “fallen arches” but that always made me think of a building falling apart.

Anyways, as far as I know, Dad always had flat feet. He had to wear special inserts in his shoes. Unfortunately, he always had jobs where he stood on his feet a lot, which can lead to more discomfort than normal in people with flat feet. Still, he loved to walk, and walk fast, so his impediment didn’t seem to bother him much.

I inherited my dad’s long feet, but not his fallen arches. As a small child, I loved having my feet massaged. My mom would rub baby oil on my feet while she massaged my toes and I would squeal with delight. It’s one of those places in childhood you wouldn’t mind returning to on a stressful day.

2 Comments

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

February 17, 2012 · 11:07 am

Dad’s a hit at the petting zoo

When I was a small girl, some company set up a petting zoo in the parking lot of our town’s shopping mall. The idea of farm animals in the midst of suburban wasteland seems odd now, but as I child, all I saw were cute, cuddly animals. I begged my parents to pay the nominal admission fee.

My mom was more than willing to go, as she had been raised on a farm and had milked cows every morning before going to school. It was my chance to get a taste of farm life.

Dad was a little less eager. He liked animals well enough … from a distance. He was a bit skittish around their unpredictable behavior. So it’s fitting as to what came next.

My eyes were wide like saucers as I gingerly petted a sheep or a pig and maybe a donkey or pony. My mom right behind me with sanitary wipes (she was way ahead of the trend on this, as I’ve read of outbreaks of disease at petting zoos in the last few years.) In the meantime, Dad had found himself a new friend.

It was a goat, and it had really taken a shine to my dad … or at least his sweater. The goat kept trying to to take a bite or two out of the sleeve of his sweater and my dad kept trying to move away from it. But dad was the goat’s new obsession and would not leave him alone. Finally, my mom noticed my dad’s distress and one of the handlers rounded up the lovestruck goat and commented on how goat are curious creatures that will chew on just about anything to see if it’s worth eating. Ummm, so maybe not the best animal to have at the petting zoo?

Anyways, Dad hightailed it out of there before any other farm animals tried to turn his sweater into Swiss cheese. I think it was my one and only trip to a petting zoo, but we had a good laugh about it over the years as a family.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

February 16, 2012 · 11:38 am

First plane trip with the family

My first trip by airplane took place when I was 11 years old. In 1985, you could still smoke on planes, much to my dad’s relief. He hated flying, and smoking was one way to alleviate his fears. We were going to Tennessee to visit my mom’s family, so a train or bus was out of the question, with us departing from California. I remember there was a lot of activity and anxiety about the trip beforehand. I’m pretty sure my dad tried to back out of the trip on more than one occasion.

Once he was on the plane, he was fine, especially when he could light a cigarette and chat to the person next to him. There may or may not have been an alcoholic beverage ordered. I believe my mom tried to get the two of us seats in the “non-smoking” section, but really, what difference does it make in those close quarters?

Luckily, the weather was good and the ride was smooth both ways. In fact, the only incident of note came when I got lost in the LAX airport on the way back home, somehow managing to get separated from my parents. I had never been so happy to hear my dad’s voice calling my name as I was at that moment where he spotted me in the crowd. Dad’s long legs and fast walking had come in handy once again.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

February 15, 2012 · 11:05 am

Dad’s dislike of seat belts

In 1986 in California, it became mandatory for everyone over the age of 16 to wear a seat belt while in a car. There was a major advertising campaign to make the public aware, along with the threat of being pulled over by the police and receiving a fine. My mom and I had no problem with the law; I think we were already used to wearing our seat belts because of my mom’s focus on safety. But my dad was another matter.

For some reason, he HATED wearing a seat belt. When the law took effect, every trip in the car became a battle over the seat belt. Dad would refuse to wear it and Mom would nag him endlessly about it. Sometimes, as a compromise, he would drape the belt over his shoulder, to pretend he was wearing it. (I’m sure this could have been quite dangerous, maybe even as much as not wearing the seat belt at all!) Often, we would ride around town in fear of a cop pulling us over for a seat belt violation.

Dad said the seat belt felt like it was choking him, and he didn’t like to be restricted by it. He was not interested in Mom’s statistics on how seat belts save lives. It was one thing he was really stubborn about. I can’t remember how long he kept his anti-seat belt campaign alive. I know once they retired to New Mexico, he would wear his seat belt, so I guess he got over his extreme aversion.

But since he was so sensitive about it, it made me wonder if being hooked up to all of those machines at the end of his live gave him that same feeling of being restricted in movement. He was too weak to offer up much of a fight at that point. I’m guessing that wherever Dad is now, no seat belts are required.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

February 14, 2012 · 11:00 am

My parents, and their enduring love

My parents may never have been the most passionate of couples, but their love for one another endured for 40 years, and that’s saying a lot in today’s world. I remember being one of the only kids at school whose parents had NOT divorced, and all of the pain and suffering broken marriages inflict upon children. I don’t believe parents should stay together for the kids, because children are way smarter than we give them credit for and can see through artificial arrangements like that quite easily. I’m not sure what the answers are, but I think we have many more selfish expectations now about our ideal relationship, and when reality strikes, we are more than willing to jump ship.

My parents’ generation was different. A marriage vow was taken more seriously and literally. Sure, there were still divorces, but the vow wasn’t nearly as disposable as it is now. When my parents married in 1971, at 34 and 39, they were quite a bit older than the average marriage age for their generation. They found love later in life, and my dad may not have been the flashy guy with the cool car, like the type my mom had dated in the past. But my dad intrigued my mom, with his Irish accent and striking dark and handsome features. Dad was always more mum on what attracted him to mom.


Their relationship was not always perfect. There were fights, there were threats of divorce, but it all blew over and for the last half of their marriage, they had settled into a comfortable companionship. They were dependent upon one another yet independent in certain aspects, at least until my dad became ill. And the way my mom sacrificed to take care of dad, the toils of caregiving, the long trek to see him in the nursing home, she deserves a medal in my book. If that’s not love, then I don’t know what it is.

So happy Valentine’s Day Mom and Dad. You taught me more about love than I ever gave you credit for.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , , , ,

February 13, 2012 · 9:51 am

My parents and the ‘Love Is …’ cartoons

With it being Valentine’s week, my mind turns to my parents and their romantic relationship. My parents were married in 1971 when the ‘Love Is …’ cartoons were quite popular. The single-frame cartoon series launched in the L.A. Times the year before, and in my childhood, I remember countless clippings of these cartoons that my mom would keep around. I liked them because the drawings and words were simple and I could understand many of them, even at a young age.

©2012 Tribune Media Services

My mom would say that the cartoon couple somewhat resembled the two of them, with the boy figure’s shock of dark hair just like my dad’s and the girl’s longer hair was the way my mom had kept hers back in the day. There is a sweetness and innocence about the cartoon series that appealed to my parents, who didn’t have that storybook romance, but found a safe and comforting companionship with one another. Oh, and they got me out of it, I think they would include that as a bonus!

As simple as the cartoons are, they often carry a universal message of love and good advice about relationships. As an adult, I can see why the series has been so popular for so long throughout the world.

Anyways, the whimsical image of the “Love Is …” cartoon couple is forever burned into my mind and it always makes me think of my parents in a warm and fuzzy way.

4 Comments

Filed under Memories

Tagged as ,

February 12, 2012 · 10:15 am

Dad’s favorite vacation: The Queen Mary

I wish I had more detailed memories of our stay aboard The Queen Mary, the historic ship/hotel docked in Long Beach. I remember being quite small, I would say six or under. Knowing my dad’s loves of ships, this must have been a dream getaway for him. Dad would tolerate the amusement parks for my sake, but to get to stay aboard a real ship was the way to vacation in his book. With dad’s love of history, it must have been a real treat to get to see and touch in person what he had only read about in books.

I’m sure I saw a great deal of fascinating things, with the variety of ship tours offered, but sadly I have little recollection of being aboard the ship. What I do remember clearly from the trip is the souvenir I picked out. It was this little round plastic purse, which had a tiny comb, brush and hand mirror inside. The purse had a handle so you could carry it around easily. It had a clear front cover, with a detailed image of The Queen Mary ship printed on it and the back cover was red. It had a zipper in the center to access the contents.

Photo: Audio Visual Designs

I remember this purse so clearly, the way the new plastic smelled and squishing the soft, flexible shell of the case after emptying its contents. I was very proud of that little purse and held on to it tightly on the ship, while giving my other hand to my dad as we navigated the crowd. That’s the only brief memory I have from aboard the ship. The purse, however, I kept for years and years. I think I finally donated it with a bunch of other kids’ stuff when I was a teenager.

I’m glad to see that The Queen Mary is still operating. I know it was a special vacation for my dad and therefore, it will always hold a special place in my heart.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,

February 11, 2012 · 9:46 am

A Disneyland memory that really pops

When I turned four, my parents took me to Disneyland to celebrate my birthday. I have vague recollections of my first visit, which didn’t go well. I’m guessing I was two or so at the time, and I was at that stage where Disneyland was scary, not fun. Luckily, by four I had grown up enough to enjoy all of the little kid rides and the electrical parade. I’m not sure if dad enjoyed any of this. I know as I got older dad and I were the ones that would go on the more challenging rides that mom refused to go on.

Anyways, it had been a long day at the amusement park and we were headed back to our hotel. There was a vendor holding a bunch of Mickey Mouse head balloons. Of course, I had to have one. All things considered, the balloons were not the most expensive souvenir, so my dad paid for it and off we went.

Photo: X-entertainment.com

We had just arrived back in the hotel room and dad quickly headed out to the balcony for a smoke. (Of course.) Mom retreated to the bathroom to change into her nightgown. And I was left to play with my balloon. What my three-year-old mind did not comprehend was that stucco ceilings and helium-filled balloons do not play well together.

I’m sure you can imagine what happened next. I let the balloon float to the ceiling, it met a very vocal death to a rough point of stucco, and I began crying at the top of my lungs. My parents thought there was an intruder and I had been shot. Dad rushed back into the room ready to play hero. Alas, there was not much he could do to repair the latex shreds of Mickey. I believe my dad offered to go get me another balloon but it was getting late by that point, and I think I’d had enough of balloons for the moment. We all had a good laugh at this memory over the years, and it’s the most clear memory I have of that trip to Disneyland.

1 Comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , ,