Tag Archives: elderly

September 18, 2012 · 8:43 pm

A slow walk, a small gain

Today Mom and I went for a short walk after a doctor’s appointment. Mom did quite well, as I hovered around her like a mother hen, scanning the sidewalk for cracks and gravel that could cause her problems.

It reminded me of last summer, when I held on to Dad’s arm and walked around the nursing home. There was an outdoor area that he liked to spend time in. I was constantly worried he would go down on the pavement, and Mom and I would not be able to support his frail frame. Even though he was skinny, he was still more than Mom and I could manage easily.

He would also try to take off without us by his side, and had a hard time getting in and out of chairs on his own. I remember those slow, painful walks, with Dad on a search for something he could never find.

The walk with Mom was also painfully slow, but she finished with a boost in self-confidence, and an increased hope that she could return to independent living in the near future.

A simple little walk can reveal more than meets the eye.

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September 10, 2012 · 9:51 pm

Tests and more tests

Dad refused to have most of the medical tests that were ordered for him before his dementia set in. I remember begging him to go have the prostate exam done, as he showed multiple symptoms and at the time I thought for sure he had prostate cancer.

I sent cards, I begged him on the phone, all to no avail.

Of course, my diagnosis turned out to be wrong. Cancer would not kill my dad, despite his almost lifelong smoking habit.

The last test I ever saw performed on him was the swallow test at the hospital in Albuquerque. It was about a month before his death. He failed the test miserably. Then came the dreaded feeding tube question. We declined. He was hand fed instead, but I don’t think he actually ate much that last month of his life.

Now Mom is the one that faces test after test after test, to keep track of her cancer. It is daunting, keeping all of the doctor’s appointments straight. There are people out there, too many poor souls no doubt, that have to manage all of this on their own. No one should have to do that, while trying to recover from surgery and get stronger.

The trepidation behind the tests are two-fold. Not only is there fear and anxiety of taking so many tests, but there is the fear of the results of the tests.

All a caregiver can do is to try to be a supportive secretary, by setting the appointments, helping to navigate the logistics and offering moral support.

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September 9, 2012 · 7:27 pm

Losing confidence as you grow older

One of the earlier signs of dementia is when a person loses the ability to do tasks that were very simple for them before. For Dad, this included things like ordering at a fast food restaurant or making correct change at the grocery store. He would accuse the clerks of trying to rip him off, when handing them a $10 bill for something that cost $15.

Mom doesn’t have dementia (that we know of) but she has been through a major surgery and has had anesthesia for three different procedures. She’s also been away from the routine of her life for two months. Today she wanted to order Pizza Hut and have it delivered to the home, something she had done dozens of times over the last few years. Today she waffled, almost wanting to give up at the thought of the task. I gently pushed her and she ended up doing just fine placing her order, even remembering a tip. 🙂

She also was not happy with the cordless phone I bought. (Her old phone was dead.) I thought it would be safer for her, so she wouldn’t try to move too fast to answer the phone and fall. But instead she thought it was too high-tech. We compromised. I ordered her one of those old-fashioned desk phones for her bedroom and we will place the cordless phone in the kitchen, so if she’s in there and the phone rings, she can answer it easily without having to run through the house.

Of course, you don’t necessarily have to be older to have these moments of uncertainty. I’ve also been away from the routine of my life for two months now, and have nightmares about forgetting the code to my home’s security system!

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September 7, 2012 · 8:48 pm

Weekend of the unknown

It’s my first weekend as a full-time caregiver. Yikes!

To be fair, Mom is doing pretty darn well on her first full day back at home. She mostly made her meals for herself today, and is getting around the condo just fine.

On the other hand, her INR levels spiked to a somewhat disturbing level today (fun with Coumadin & blood clots) and we had another colostomy bag leakage. So yes, ups and downs, but I’m used to that by now.

But now, I get a taste of what Mom went through as caregiver to Dad for those last few years of his life. Even though my mom has lost a bit of her mental sharpness, it is so much easier to be a caregiver for someone who can and wants to follow instructions. I can only begin to imagine what Mom had to endure with Dad, who was non-compliant due to his dementia.

That’s not to say that Mom’s motor-mouth and other quirks don’t drive me a little crazy. They do. But then they always have. And that’s the key. Mom’s been through a lot physically, but she’s still Mom emotionally and mentally. With Dad, we lost him mentally more than physically at first. I think as a society we are more equipped to deal with the crumbling of the physical body versus the disintegration of the mind as we grow older.

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September 5, 2012 · 7:02 pm

Giving up the little things at the nursing home

Today, my mom and her roommate were complaining about some of the things that were not being done around the nursing home. The complaints didn’t involve serious infractions, but it did make me think about how little control you have once you have to check into a nursing home.

Both Mom and the roommate said their bedsheets hadn’t been changed in two weeks. With my mom’s colostomy accidents, I would think you would need to be changing the sheets much more frequently. They also did not receive a fresh set of towels for the past two days. Again, little things, but both of these women are with it enough to want to maintain good hygiene, so it’s a shame to see their efforts thwarted by a shortage of clean supplies.

In the dining hall, I saw a woman in a wheelchair struggle to pick up her napkin, which had fallen on the floor. She almost fell out of her wheelchair trying to get it! I was about to get up to help her but then I saw an aide come to her table. But she ignored the poor old woman, assisted someone else, and left. Her tablemate noticed her struggling and helped her get her napkin.

I don’t blame the staff members, they are so busy trying to hand out the correct meals, then feed the many who can’t feed themselves. A dropped napkin is obviously not a priority.

But it goes back to dignity. And though ideally the nursing home is about restoring your health, which can boost your self-esteem, it also can be a place that kills your spirit.

Luckily, I’ve been able to help Mom out with some of the stuff she has needed. But I think about my father at the nursing home, and those long hours and days alone, when his needs may have been ignored as well. Not intentionally, but just as a side effect of being short staffed and my dad being a very quiet guy with dementia.

So many of the elderly’s struggles go unseen and unheard within the walls of the nursing home. While of course it’s depressing, I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to witness the good and the bad of elder care firsthand.

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September 4, 2012 · 8:44 pm

Things to think about when you get older

After seeing Mom today at the nursing home here in Roswell, I was waiting for the bus which was running late as usual. An elderly lady came up and set down with me. She would peer over her book periodically to see if the bus was coming. Finally, she sighed and said, “Well I was going to catch a movie today but now I’m not going to make it.” She wished me a nice day and shuffled back down the sidewalk. It was 100 degrees outside.

Sure, she could have called for a cab but they are really pricey in this town.

It’s too bad that a town with such a large elderly population doesn’t have a better transit system. Even the small town my parents retired to has a more reliable, door-to-door shuttle that only costs $1 each way. Each year, the transit system there has to fight to keep their government funding, because local politicians don’t want to throw a few dollars their way. It’s a clean, reliable service and is a lot cheaper than the town’s cab service. There’s also a sizeable elderly population and a lot of tourists.

Anyways, the poor old lady who just wanted to see a movie made me think about how important it is to think about things like transit options as you grow older. Luckily, my parents had options when Dad had to give up driving due to his dementia. It’s important to have these resources so that you can still get out and enjoy yourself, even if it’s just a trip to a movie theatre or local restaurant.

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August 4, 2012 · 8:01 pm

Letting our elderly generation down

Today I went to visit Mom in the nursing home. She had her hospital gown bunched up above her stomach. I asked if she was hot. Instead, she said that her colostomy bag had leaked. There was dried feces caked to her gown. She had rolled it up so the feces would not be against her skin. I could see a smear of feces on the sheet next to her head. I also could see feces smears on the waistband of her diaper.

It’s hard to put on a happy face when you see your own mother suffering in her own excrement. Mom is aware enough to be embarrassed as well. There was little I could do, as there were no gloves around. I rang her nurses bell repeatedly.

Almost an hour passed before a harried nurse popped her head in. She changed my mom’s colostomy bag, but left the clean-up for an assistant to take care of.

While I stepped out of the room, I met two dementia patients who are on my mom’s wing. The nurse had just gotten through venting to us about how the one dementia patient was driving her crazy. “I was short to her, and I’m normally not like that. Then I go home and lie awake at night feeling bad about being rude to the patients,” the nurse sighed.

I certainly don’t blame the staff. They are extremely understaffed and work themselves to the bone. It’s easy to imagine having compassion burnout when a dementia patient comes up to the nurses’ station every five minutes asking the same question over and over.

Theresa is one of the dementia patients. She rolls around in a white walker all day, up and down the hallway. She wanders into other patient’s rooms, because she cannot remember which room is hers. I’ve seen her try desperately to open locked doors. Today she saw me and said, “Do you have a room here?”

I smiled and said I was just visiting.

She said, “It’s so hard to find a room around here, they are all empty!” With that, she took off down the hallway. I’ve been to the nursing home enough now to know which room she’s in, and I help guide her there if she asks. After my mom had finally been cleaned up (she had been like that all morning and now it was almost lunchtime), Theresa popped into my mom’s room.

“Have you been into that room over there?” Theresa pointed across the hallway. We shook our heads “no” and she continued: “Well, I went in there and set down on a stool and I got all wet.”

She turned around to show us and it was clear she had wet herself. I directed her back down the hallway towards a nurse who could change her.

But as I sit here and think about the day’s events, I can’t help but feel we are letting the elderly down. They deserve better than this.

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July 9, 2012 · 8:39 pm

Repairing the body, not the mind

Mom did well during surgery, and is now recovering. The marvels of modern medicine has saved my mom’s life, but of course it also hits an elderly person’s body hard. Mom looks and feels like she’s been caught in a tornado, but her sense of humor is still intact.

From time to time, a flicker of fear flashes across her eyes. Is it because of her near brush with death? Or is it just a side effect of all the pain meds she’s on?

I remember seeing that same look of fear in Dad’s eyes toward the end of his life. He looked more and more like a little lost deer that had been separated from his mother.

Dad also went through surgery. His body recovered from the gallstone surgery. Unfortunately, there was no doctor in the world that could repair his mind.

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July 1, 2012 · 7:40 pm

Tired of being poked and prodded

My mom is sadly getting a taste of what Dad went through over the last year or so of his life. Mom is dreading the colonoscopy, saying that reading the prep directions gives her the “heebie-jeebies.” She says it reminds of her of the various tests Dad went through and how he was “poked and prodded” so much. Dad somehow was fortunate enough to avoid the dreaded colonoscopy, but we did beg him to go through the prostate exams that his doctor recommended after Dad started having prostate issues. He flat-out refused.

Mom seems to be leaning that way herself. Dad had many hospital visits and tests over the last year of his life, and since he lived in a nursing home that final year, he became used to (or at least didn’t fight) being handled by strangers. Mom still has most of her mind, though as she grows physically weaker, I see some of the same mental signs that I saw in my Dad.

But for Mom, it’s an unnerving situation. And because the symptoms seemed to come on so suddenly, she had no time to prepare for a loss of independence, as she was just dumped with a jarring thud into this world of being sick.

Because there are so many elderly that are ill, there’s not a lot of time for hand-holding or encouragement. She received a brief visit from the doctor, who ordered the colonoscopy, handed her a bunch of paperwork and sent her on her way. This is where we really need community health services to grow and fill in the gap. My mom is going to call a local group tomorrow to see if they can assist her.

It’s yet another reason to never take a moment for granted, because none of us know when illness will strike.

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