Monthly Archives: December 2015

December 31, 2015 · 6:23 pm

Lifting spirits as new year approaches

I know this has been a tough year for many of you who read my blog. We’ve had personal losses near and dear to our hearts. Thanks to all of those who read my posts and sent encouraging words, it is much appreciated. I hope for all of us a happier 2016.

After working a crazy month of overnight shifts, I ended up with a nice chunk of time off. If I’d known ahead of time, I could’ve planned a trip to Europe, but it being last minute, I considered closer-to-home options.

Then I realized I never made it to New Orleans.

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Many years ago, back in college, we drove through there, lost some money at the casino, and drove on. But ever since I found the letter in my dad’s belongings from The Roosevelt Hotel, proving that he worked there, I have wanted to visit the city and stay at the hotel. I decided to take the train, to give myself extra time to read and write.

Dad Roosevelt Hotel letter

I had an enjoyable trip and The Roosevelt is certainly a hotel to visit, especially at Christmas. I also got to do something in honor of my mom, which was to visit the butterfly garden at the Audubon Insectarium. It was beautiful, and to be surrounded by so many live butterflies was breathtaking. Mom would have loved it so much, and I have to believe that if reincarnation exists, she’s there, making the young and old alike smile.

I’m not big on resolutions, but while in New Orleans I had my oracle read (I also stopped in a church to light candles for my parents so I covered my spiritual bases.) Anyways, I don’t necessarily believe or disbelieve in oracle readings, it’s all just information to consider. The woman told me that I’ve been making little changes to my routine, and that I should continue to do that in the new year, as chance encounters may lead to greater insights.

And the truth is, I have been changing my routine. Ever since Mom died, I wanted to avoid getting into a rut. I wanted to try and appreciate each and every day more, and expose myself to new experiences. Not all of these were particularly exciting endeavors (working the graveyard shift) but certainly it offered a new way of looking how I organize my life what my priorities are.

So I will prod myself to keep experiencing the world in new ways, even if it’s just taking a different route home. There is much to gain even in the most mundane of activities.

If you have goals for the new year, I would love to hear about them.

 

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December 22, 2015 · 8:01 am

A bittersweet Christmas week, with gift of hope

This week was a double whammy for me, as not only did I mark the fourth anniversary of my father’s death on Dec. 20th, yesterday marked seven months since Mom died. Somber anniversaries just before Christmas.

mom final xmas card

Mom’s last Christmas card to me.

While I think of my parents daily, I honestly let the 20th slip by without officially marking my father’s death anniversary. Four years out, there is naturally some healing and closure. I know this will eventually happen with how I feel about my mom as well.

Just after Christmas, I am paying my father tribute by visiting New Orleans. I will be taking the train, one of my dad’s favorite modes of transportation (after a boat.) I will be staying at the Roosevelt Hotel where my dad worked for a brief time.

My dad never provided a great deal of detail about his time in New Orleans, but when he did speak of the city, he spoke of it fondly. I’ve been once before, but was just passing through. I look forward to reconnect with one of my dad’s old stomping grounds, when he was a young and carefree man.

I also hope that being “stuck” on the train will free up time for me to focus on writing.

For the other bloggers out there dealing with loss or illness this holiday season, I send along thoughts of peace and comfort.

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December 15, 2015 · 5:43 pm

Tree of memories

Each year, it seems that there is another memorial ornament to hang on the Christmas tree.

Welcome to middle age, I guess.

Xmas tree 2015

The top of this year’s tree is loaded with memorial ornaments and pet collars of departed pets. While the sheer number of the dearly departed is a bit shocking, I don’t mind that the Christmas tree has become a memorial tree of sorts.

It’s a nice way to reflect on those we shared so many holidays with, and who will always hold a special place in our hearts.

Do you hang memorial ornaments or otherwise honor the departed during your holiday celebrations?

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December 8, 2015 · 9:02 am

In support of tough women

I stumbled upon this photo of my mom and my aunt Helen, and it made me laugh out loud. I’m not sure if they were trying to look mean or not, but they look like two tough gals you wouldn’t want to mess with!

mom aunt helen

 

My aunt Helen preceded my mom in death by about a year. She was tough. She had survived cancer, back when Cobalt was the primary treatment method and it apparently had brutal side effects. Helen soldiered on, raised a family, took care of her husband (my mom’s brother) when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and outlived him to a ripe old age. Even though she was afflicted with painful conditions as she neared the end of her life, she continued to travel the country and Canada with her family.

Born in the 1920s and 1930s, Aunt Helen and my mom knew tough work from a young age, but they also knew the love of a strong family.

Aunt Helen and my mom grew closer as they grew older, no doubt because they outlived many of the other members of the family. But the two also could talk for hours, with Aunt Helen serving as my mom’s eyes and ears back home in Newport, Tennessee where most of her family lived.

It was a big loss for my mom when Aunt Helen died, as she lost a key connection to her family. Younger generations prefer to text or email, something my mother never did. The phone grew silent.

Now I feel the same way with Mom gone, and the silent phone. I don’t miss it ringing to be honest, but the severed connection cannot be replaced. At least I have this outtake photo, showing the toughness and sense of humor our family have.

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December 1, 2015 · 7:38 pm

Like it or not, change is constant

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Photo credit: Mark Brannan/FreeImages

While I knew my mother’s death would be difficult to process, one thing I secretly looked forward to was the idea that my life would settle down once I was off the caregiver roller coaster.

For several years, a phone call could turn my world upside down. I seem to remember a time when life was not so unpredictable. My early twenties was filled with some standard life changes, graduating college and moving to a big city to begin the working girl phase of life. Certainly there were ups and downs throughout the rest of my twenties and early thirties, but I had established a relatively drama-free domestic life.

I thought once Mom was at peace, I would be able to reestablish a comfortable routine in my life. I would have welcomed a period of boredom.

Maybe it’s just the demands of middle age, but the six months since Mom’s death have been anything but boring. There have been some good moments and some bad ones, but the one constant thing is change.

For example, this week a coworker of mine had to take emergency medical leave and I find myself working overnight shifts for the time being. I volunteered, finding myself not as resistant to change as in the past.

I still find myself getting stressed out by the potholes and roadblocks of life, but begrudgingly I have to admit that for the most part, while unwelcome changes can be temporarily annoying, life has a way of working itself out.

The bumps in the road may seem endless at the moment, but things will smooth out eventually.

If you wait for life to settle down, it may pass you by.

 

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