Wishing you and your family a holiday filled with love.
For those of us grieving the loss of a loved one this holiday season, may you find some sense of peace and solace in honoring your loved one’s memory in a way that is meaningful to you. For me, that is looking at photos from my childhood. I created a virtual snow globe featuring a photo of my parents at Christmas.
Remember the caregivers in your life, and if possible, offer to pick up a task so that they don’t feel overwhelmed this holiday season and can carve out a bit of self-care time. Respite care comes in many forms.
Need a last-minute gift? E-books make a great gift. Smashwords is running the 2025 End of Year Sale through Jan. 1. You can get the e-book version of my award-winning personal essay collection, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off.
Today marks 14 years since my father’s death. The events of that day in 2011 and receiving the call that every family member dreads is so sharply engraved in my memory that it’s difficult to believe so much times has passed. Yet my own life and the world has transformed so much that it’s equally as difficult to believe all of these changes have occurred in the last 14 years. Grief processing tends to warp the time element.
For those of you experiencing grief during the holidays, thisWhat’s Your Grief? resource posted by Happy Healthy Caregiver in a recent newsletter may be helpful. It offers 64 tips on how to manage grief and honor the memories of departed loved ones during the holiday season.
Finally, I want to express gratitude for those who read this blog. The Memories Project was born in the immediate aftermath of my father’s death. I’m grateful to the caregiver blogging community for their support and sharing their own caregiving journeys. The blog led to personal essays and then my award-winning book, The Reluctant Caregiver. For those grieving this holiday season, consider a creative outlet to process those complex emotions. Most of all, give yourself the space to simply be with your emotions.
The holidays can usher in a mix of loving family moments and caregiver burnout. I read an article by psychotherapist Mike Verano on Today’s Caregiver in which he named the common caregiver condition of feeling both exhausted and restless at the same time as “exhaustlessness.” It’s an accurate term for two emotions that seem on the surface an unlikely combination until you experience what Verano calls the “emotional hurricane” of caregiving.
I definitely can relate to being completely exhausted but also being overwhelmed with a restless energy due to being hypervigilant. Verano refers to the physical sensation as being “like taking a sleeping pill and an energy drink at the same time.” Exactly! Caregivers know that they have a limited window for sleep and self-care, but at the same time, they can’t shut off their brains from going through to-do lists.
Even after a caregiving situation ends, it can take quite awhile to disconnect oneself from that hyper-aware state of monitoring. It can feel that something is missing if you are not constantly looking for problems to arise and fix. Being gentle and patient with oneself during such transition periods is essential.
For those feeling “exhaustlessness” due to their current caregiver situation, the holidays can be a good time to discuss the need for more support while family members are gathered together. Talking to a mental health professional, one trained in family caregiver dynamics, can also be helpful in learning how to establish boundaries, so that you don’t always feel like you are caught up in an emotional storm.
Each year I consider a wide range of useful gifts for caregivers, everything from books to high-tech gadgets. No matter how amazing a gift is, I’ll always believe that personal time away from caregiving duties is the most precious gift of all. Respite comes in many forms, and can be as simple as an afternoon off to engage in self-care. For the family caregivers on your gift list this holiday season, think about how you can give them a bit of personal time back.
The good news is that in a year in which many are struggling financially, giving someone else time need not cost money, but only sacrificing some of your time. Offer to sit with a loved one to free up time for the caregiver. Volunteer to assist with a time-consuming task, like grocery shopping or making meals. Cleaning the house or tackling household repairs are other ways to give the gift of time.
Here are some other thoughtful gift ideas for caregivers:
Joe & Bella: Dressing can become a time-consuming challenge for those with dementia. I love the line of adaptive clothing from Joe & Bella, which looks nice and includes clever additions, like magnetic closures and CareZips to save time and reduce frustration.
Happy Healthy Caregiver: Check out the digital gifts, such as a self-care journal and for something with a personal touch, create a Caregiver Jar filled with affirming and inspiring quotes.
Alzheimer’s Association Gift Guide: Thoughtful gift ideas for caregivers and people living with dementia. I like that the guide offers suggestions at different stages of the disease.
Of course, I will take a moment to recommend my book. Beginning Monday Dec. 8 through Jan. 1, Smashwords is running the 2025 End of Year Sale. You can get the e-book version of my award-winning personal essay collection, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off.
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The Memories Project 