We had the rare snow day in Atlanta on Friday. It snowed a bit more than expected intown, and upon waking one walked into a winter wonderland.
It’s always fun to see how pets react to snow, especially when they don’t see it very often. My dog Murphy was braver than expected. My girl kitty Serena, who on a sunny day loves to try to bolt out the door to explore the yard, approached the snow with extreme caution and immediately regretted her decision, haha. And Dorian, my boy cat, the daredevil of the bunch, flat out refused to even put a paw into the snow.
Growing up in southern California, I never saw snow until I moved away for college, but I remember my mother having fond memories of snow days on the farm in Tennessee where she grew up. While there were still farm chores to be done, school was out. The family would make snow cream from the freshly fallen snow. Of course nowadays, with all of the pollutants in the environment, this wouldn’t be safe to do, but back in the day, my mother had fond memories of this rare, special treat.
Of course, winter weather can bring challenges to those with health issues and their caregivers. Last year around this time I wrote about keeping your loved ones with dementia warm and comfortable during winter weather events. I notice that as I age, the cold tends to bother me more so I’m using some of the tips on the list as well, such as layering and paying attention to my hands, which can be a challenge to keep warm.
Hope you are staying warm and cozy this winter season.
Happy New Year. I hope you were able to enjoy time with family over the holiday season.
Once the holidays are over, our elder loved ones may miss the social interaction and companionship. I know my mother deeply missed the daily companionship of my father after he moved into the memory care center and then died a year later. There was an active senior community center where she lived, but my mother refused to go, saying she didn’t want to be around “old people.”
Home Care Matters had good tips on helping elders connect with community in their newsletter. They also offered additional tips about keeping elders engaged during the winter months when it may be difficult to leave the house for socializing. Some churches offer transportation service for those who need assistance to and from services. Volunteer work is another great way to connect with the community. How one socializes and stays engaged with their community may take some creativity on the part of family, but the mental, emotional, and health benefits are well worth it. You’ve likely seen the reports about the health consequences of the loneliness epidemic, including an increased risk of dementia.
What about our elder loved ones who are introverted or don’t enjoy the typical senior community center activities? As an introvert myself, I’m not a big fan of in-person group activities, but I found that I do enjoy online activities like virtual book clubs. An online women’s healing circle has been beneficial in supporting my emotional wellbeing during the pandemic. I also enjoyed an in-person knitting group I attended last year a couple of times and may return to that in the future. For me, the key is to use my hobbies and interests to find communities where we share a common interest.
What about those who are resistant like my mom? Sometimes, you have to let your loved ones follow their own way. For example, my mother used errands to socialize with everyone from the bank manager to the Mexican restaurant server to the shuttle driver. I appreciate those people who took extra time to interact with my mother. They probably don’t realize how much of a positive difference they made in my mother’s life.
When I was cleaning out my parents’ condo, I came across so many books! I’d donated many books to the local library over the years, so I couldn’t believe how many books were still left when I did the final cleanout. Most of the books belonged to my father, who had a deep interest in WWII history, as he lived through the bombing of his hometown of Belfast when he was a child.
Reading was my father’s passion. He was a voracious reader and always had a book or two on his nightstand or coffee table. He sparked my love of reading, and some of my happiest childhood memories are Saturday afternoons spent with Dad in the library. I still enjoy physical books, but I do most of my reading now via e-books. It’s just more convenient and I’m at a point in life where I want to downsize, beginning with my possessions.
With that being said, books can make wonderful gifts this time of year so I want to let you know about Smashwords 2024 End of Year Sale. I’m a participating author in this sales event so you can get e-book versions of The Reluctant Caregiver and CBD for Caregivers for half off from Dec. 12 through Jan. 1, 2025. Use the code SEW50 at checkout.
Digital books can make ideal gifts for those who live far away or for last-minute gift ideas. If you are gifting a book to a caregiver, you may wonder, do caregivers have time to read? It really depends upon the individual circumstance, but reading can be a source of respite, a way to whisk away to another world, even if one only has time to read a page or chapter at a time. A great resource for books that are curated by and for dementia caregivers can be found at AlzAuthors. Their collection includes everything from memoir to self-help to children’s books.
Speaking of children’s books, my tale about my senior rescue dog, Slow Dog, is also still available.
Murphy posing with his book.
Hope you get to enjoy the gift of a good book this holiday season.
Parts of the US are already experiencing winter weather. It’s important to ensure that loved ones with dementia don’t wander when the weather turns frigid. Each winter, there are cases of those with dementia who fall victim to the elements after wandering from home or a care facility.
My father was a wanderer. His lifelong love of walking had kept him lean, but his desire to move became a liability as his dementia progressed. Dementia takes a physical toll as well, so as Dad became frailer, he was more prone to injuries from falls. While he still lived at home, my mother had to watch him like a hawk. One time, she attempted to take a brief bath, and Dad slipped away. Mom immediately called me, frantic. It was going to be dark soon, and turning colder. In my father’s case, there was a happy ending. Mom called the police who were responsive and tracked my father down not too far from my parents’ condo community. Crisis averted that time.
My father would wander a few more times while he still lived at home, including one infamous time when my mother was in the dentist’s chair. Once he moved to the memory care unit, he was behind a locked door secured by a code. He still wandered, up and down the halls, and outside in the garden area when weather permitted, but at least he was contained to the facility.
It’s such a helpless feeling when a loved one is lost. I’m grateful for first responders and others who helped locate my father when he wandered off.
There are things caregivers can do proactively to reduce the risk of wandering this winter.
Door locks: One of the easiest solutions is to configure your home’s door locks to one in which you lock with a key from the inside. Then keep the key on a chain around your neck or in another inaccessible place from your loved one with dementia. If you prefer a more high-tech solution, you could choose something like a fingerprint lock or one that requires a code. Consider a door chime or bell to signal when one exits the home.
Trackers: I bought one of the earliest renditions of GPS-powered tracking tags for my father, but the device was cumbersome to use at the time and didn’t have good reception in the mountain town where my parents lived. I’m happy to say that such devices have come a long way since then. If high-tech solutions aren’t an option, even a simple ID bracelet or necklace can be helpful. For long-distance caregivers, seek devices that allow you to monitor your loved one’s movements from your phone, which can offer some peace of mind.
Behavior modification: Track your loved one’s wandering episodes. Do they happen at a certain time of day? Sundowning is a common issue for those with dementia, and the longer period of darkness during the winter can exacerbate the issue. My father struggled with bedtime and sometimes would get up in the middle night, change into day clothes, and sit in his chair in the living room until morning. Consider changing up your schedule and finding enjoyable activities to do together during this time period. Talk to the doctor about medication or other therapies.
If your loved one does wander away, try not to panic. Conduct a quick search of the immediate area, and if there’s no sign of the individual, contact authorities. 911 should be able to direct you to any specific community programs for these situations, if they exist in your area, or like in my father’s case, patrol officers handled the situation. Keep a folder on your phone with a recent photo of your loved one, nearby places they may be prone to going to, a list of medical issues and medications, and the contact information for area hospitals.
November is National Family Caregivers Month. While caregivers can use support all year long, this is a great time to step up efforts and let the caregivers in your life know that you appreciate them.
If you are looking for inspiration, don’t miss the airing of Wine, Women, & Dementia on PBS. Check with your local PBS station for more details. You can read my review of how this caregiver community grew online and in-person to foster authentic connections and provide critical emotional support.
Sometimes, caregivers who feel isolated in their specific caregivers situations have to create their own community. Dawn Shedrick did just that, and her caregiving journey is captured in this NPR article.
Real Simple has a good list of ways people can support the family caregivers in their lives. One of the tips is keep showing up. Just like caregivers keep showing up for their loved ones, we can do the same to support caregivers.
When younger, I was a sporadic voter and I still maintain skepticism when it comes to viable government solutions to the major issues impacting our country. As this article from The 19th points out, I’m not the only caregiver who has felt abandoned by lawmakers.
Recently, both the Democrat and Republican presidential candidates offered their plans on how to better support caregivers. As we know from past elections, candidates offer many plans that sound good, but once in office, those plans are often derailed by Congress and/or the courts. Funding for programs supporting caregivers, from childcare to eldercare, always faces an uphill battle.
If the toxic political atmosphere has you feeling down, one empowering action you can take is by helping older folks and disabled people exercise their right to vote.
Without quality, affordable care, millions of caregivers and care recipients in the U.S. may not be able to vote.
Before Election Day, make a plan to help support caregivers, older adults, and disabled voters in your life and yourself – so we can all vote. #WeCareWeVotepic.twitter.com/YSAAQOTepu
— Caring Across Generations #CareCantWait (@CaringAcrossGen) October 10, 2024
I’ll also be voting in honor of my former colleague, who died last month. She so wanted to live until the election, and spent the last month of her life working on a plan to be able to vote. It’s an important reminder to not take the right to vote for granted.
I was sad to see the destruction that Hurricane Helene caused in Newport, Tennessee. While all eyes were on Florida where the Category 4 storm made landfall, areas far away such as Asheville, North Carolina and Newport also suffered significant damage.
Newport was my mother’s hometown, and always held a special place in her heart. The east Tennessee community in the shadow of the Great Smoky Mountains played a major role in all of my mother’s fondest childhood memories, from tending to the animals on the farm to family picnics in the Smoky Mountains.
Flooding has made some roads inaccessible and has led to hazardous driving conditions. Commercial buildings and homes have suffered water damage. There have been numerous water rescues, including one from the rooftop of a hospital in a nearby county.
This isn’t the first natural disaster to impact an area connected to my parents. In June, wildfires ravaged Ruidoso, New Mexico, where my parents retired.
A week ago, residents of Newport, Asheville, and other areas far removed from the Florida coast weren likely not thinking about storm preparations. Yet, here we are. That’s why it’s important as a family caregiver to have a storm preparation plan in place. Evacuation decisions can be difficult to make for medically fragile loved ones, but it can also be difficult to remain and potentially be cut off from necessary medical services. Doing research and planning ahead of the next storm can make all the difference.
Earlier this month, a former colleague of mine, Marcia Killingsworth, died from lung disease. Our paths crossed professionally when we worked for the same newspaper and then we became longtime Facebook friends, where we shared a loving devotion to our cats.
I knew that Marcia had been actively involved in her community of Edison, Georgia, where she moved back to after retiring. An article written after her death highlighted just what a difference her contributions made to the town. Marcia was dogged in her dedication to holding the town’s leaders financially accountable, faithfully attending monthly city council meetings, taking notes and asking critical questions. She followed up on issues until she received answers, and documented everything on social media. This is not glamourous work, but it is necessary. Her actions inspired others to join her. One of those residents said of Marcia: “She was the one who brought Edison to light.”
I love that and hope it will offer inspiration for those of us working to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s and other dementias. Sometimes our work can seem futile and discouraging, but individually and collectively, we are making a difference. Our actions may not make headlines or go viral, but they will be remembered by others.
Elaine shares a tender reminder for all caregivers, past, present, and future: don’t forget your self-worth and be kind and forgiving of yourself when making tough decisions as a caregiver. Much time has passed since I cared for my parents, but I still feel pangs of guilt over some of the decisions I made.
I read another post recently about grief and guilt and that some researchers feel that the sharp pain of guilt may be the way some people attempt to maintain a strong emotional connection to their departed loved ones. I think there is some truth in this from my experience. Certainly the pain of guilt can overshadow more positive memories. Over time, we can make a conscious effort to let go of the guilt and accept the new relationship we have with those who have departed.
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The Memories Project 