Two new movies take fresh spin on eldercare, Alzheimer’s

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I’m always on the lookout for films dealing with caregiving issues, Alzheimer’s and other dementias, as well as those that offer an honest look at growing older. I came across two interesting movies this week that I want to pass along to kick off your weekend. The first is Senior Love Triangle and the second one is Ice Cream in the Cupboard.

These films offer a unique perspective and won’t be to everyone’s liking. For those who prefer to keep their movies more in the PG range with no profanity, you may want to take a pass.  I found both films to be moving and thought-provoking, offering a raw yet empathetic look at the challenges that aging can present. More films are tackling topics such as aging, dementia, and family caregiving and I wholeheartedly support this trend.

Senior Love Triangle is based upon a photo book by Isadora Kosofsky. The story and moving images follow an 84-year-old man who is attempting to balance his relationships with 81-year-old Jeanie and 90-year-old Adina, with nursing homes serving as the backdrop. Dementia, other mental illness and how vulnerable seniors are preyed upon also are part of the storyline. Adult children often have a hard time with their elder loved ones finding romance in the care center environment, but this movie shows how important such affection and human connection is to older people.

Ice Cream in the Cupboard is about a middle-aged couple whose lives change forever after the wife is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in her mid-fifties. The movie is based upon a true story. I appreciated how realistically the film depicted the challenges in dementia caregiving. It never shied away from the more brutal, violent aspects and never sugarcoated what Alzheimer’s caregivers may face on their journeys. However, there is also much love and devotion on display.

Both of these movies are available on video on demand. If you’ve seen these films, I’d love to hear your thoughts.

 

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The Memories Project selected as a top Alzheimer’s blog

Best Alzheimer's and Dementia Blog Award, 2020 by eMediHealth

☆☆☆☆☆ By eMediHealth ☆☆☆☆☆

 

I’m pleased to announce that The Memories Project was included in eMediHealth’s Best Alzheimer’s and Dementia Blogs for 2020.

I recognize just about every blog that made this list, from the major organizations to the personal bloggers like myself.  I was happy to see Alzheimer’s Daughter by Jean Lee, one of the founders of AlzAuthors, included on the list. Likewise, Kay Bransford does great work on her blog, Dealing with Dementia, covering important financial issues for those with dementia and their caregivers. Also making the list are two other blogs I frequently read, including The Caregiver’s Voice by Brenda Avadian and The Diary of an Alzheimer’s Caregiver by Rena McDaniel.

As many of you know, The Memories Project began back in 2012 as a tribute to my father, who died of Alzheimer’s. Over the years, it has grown into an awareness and advocacy blog for Alzheimer’s and other dementias, as well as their caregivers. I also documented my journey as my mother’s caregiver, who had colon cancer.

While it’s nice to be acknowledged, the true reward I receive for blogging is connecting with family caregivers and being given the opportunity to advocate for those who provide care for their loved ones. I’ve also learned so much from other caregivers. The caregiving community is smart, tough and compassionate and I am honored to be a part of it.

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Adapting to a new normal

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I recently was interviewed for a new caregiving project called Open Caregiving. The website serves as a collection for caregivers to share their experiences and offer advice to other caregivers. I was happy to participate.

If you would like to share your caregiving story, fill out this form.

One of the pieces of advice I offered that proved to be a key for me in thinking about my father’s dementia was to learn how to accept the “new normal.” While it is natural to lament what your life was like before, who your loved one with dementia was before the disease changed them, it is not helpful to be consumed with the past. Cherish those memories and try to focus on the present.

This was very hard for my mother and I to do as my father’s Alzheimer’s disease progressed further. My mother couldn’t help but correct all of the mistaken memories or gibberish that came out of my father’s mouth and I felt shame and embarrassment for my father’s state of mind. I knew how mortified he would be if he could see himself in that state of mental decline. I discuss this further in my book, The Reluctant Caregiver.

But what helped once my father was in the memory care center was simply to visit him and enjoy his company in that moment. If that meant getting him a cup of coffee or navigating him around the outdoor area for a stroll, then that was enough. I would no longer be able to discuss politics or sports with my father but I could still hold his hand and tell him I loved him.

I hope you are finding ways to adjust to the new normal as you wind your way through your own journey as a dementia caregiver.

 

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New study on family caregiving yields suprising finding

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As a journalist, I am inundated with dozens of reports on new medical studies weekly. The number has only increased during the coronavirus pandemic. One caught my eye this week, because I saw outlets running cheery headlines that set off my BS detector.

One headline example: “Long thought to be damagingly stressful, family caregiving does no harm”

That is quite a proclamation! It is certainly news to the thousands of us who have been family caregivers and experienced mental, emotional, and physical side effects. As with most such overly optimistic headlines, I go to the originating source. In this case, it’s a Johns Hopkins study, Transition to Family Caregiving, which found that “caregivers didn’t have significantly greater inflammation over a nine-year period.”

Certainly this is a significant finding, and it is good news that family caregiving may not have long-term physical effects. My concern is the way such studies are promoted across social media, which could cause family caregivers who are struggling to doubt their own experiences.

Let me be clear that caregivers should always listen to their own body, no matter what a study proclaims. Family caregivers may experience a range of emotional, mental and physical side effects attributed to caregiving. This can include anxiety, anger, depression, burnout, insomnia and appetite issues, just to name several common ailments. While these periods of stress may not trigger a response that show up in an inflammation study, it doesn’t mean that your symptoms are not real.

Bottom line, studies are useful but you know your own body better than any researcher. Don’t let rosy headlines discourage you from seeking help if you are feeling overwhelmed by the duties of family caregiving.

That being said, for those who are anxious about the long-lasting impact of family caregiving on their health, this study may help ease worries. I have found that being a family caregiver can strengthen one’s resiliency, which is a positive in these challenging times.

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“Solo” Walks (aka I Walk Alone But It’s Fine You’re There) — When Dementia Knocks

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I connected with this post on many levels. I am an only child as the author is and I often think about how various diseases, especially dementia, would challenge my fierce independent streak. There is such a valuable lesson here for those who are encountering the early stages of dementia and dementia caregivers.

When I was in my 20’s, I spent a lot of time volunteering for hospice. One of my first hospice patients was a woman in her 60’s who had dementia. Her son lived with her, but he needed a weekly respite. I was told she was active and liked to go for walks. In fact, […]

via “Solo” Walks (aka I Walk Alone But It’s Fine You’re There) — When Dementia Knocks

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July 11, 2020 · 7:13 pm

Wishing you a safe Fourth of July

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Hope you and your loved ones have a safe holiday weekend.

In addition to Fourth of July, Monday is my mother’s birthday. She would have been 83 years old. Mom served briefly in the Navy, but the lessons she learned helped shape the rest of her life. She valued her time in the Navy and supported those who served. I’m grateful that Mom saved all of her Navy memorabilia, so I have everything from photos to newspaper clippings to her class notebooks.

I’ll be thinking about Mom this weekend and all of those who have served their country, whether in the military or through volunteer work as civilians.

navy newspaper clippings

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Keep your elder loved ones safe this summer

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Summer is here, and while outdoor activities remain in flux due to the coronavirus pandemic, now is a good time to make sure you have your summer safety plan in place.

Every year, several hundred people die from extreme heat, according to the CDC, and the majority of victims are older. Increased heat sensitivity and risks associated with chronic health conditions and prescription medications make older adults more prone to heat-related issues.

Another issue is the lack of air conditioning. My parents’ condo did not have air conditioning, and while summers in their mountain community were generally mild, there were heat waves that would send temperatures soaring into the high 80s and low 90s. After they had passed, I spent a week or so there during one of those heat waves and even with a new fan that I bought, it was very uncomfortable. But what may be uncomfortable for someone younger can be dangerous or even deadly for those over 65 or in poor health.

Even more heartbreaking, some older people on a fixed budget fear the high utility bills associated with running an air conditioner, so even though they have one, they don’t use it.

Here are some things to consider as a caregiver when preparing your elder loved ones for the summer heat:

  • What are their cooling options at home? Are they adequate? Keep in mind that with coronavirus restrictions, cooling stations that some depend upon in their community may be closed. Have an alternative plan if it becomes too hot for your loved one to stay in their home.
  • Exercise is still important. Try to arrange walks or other outdoor activities in the early morning or evening hours, when it’s not quite as hot. Keep outdoor activities brief and make sure to bring water so your loved one stays hydrated. Focus on indoor activities like yoga or dancing to keep older adults active.
  • Provide shade: If possible, provide a shady spot for your loved one to spend time outdoors at home. Make sure elders wear breathable, light-colored clothing and wear a hat when outdoors.
  • Hydration is key: I found it was tough to get my parents to drink water. It is crucial that older people drink enough water, especially during the summer. Dehydration can occur more quickly than you think and have serious health consequences. Consider adding a lime or lemon slice to sparkling or still water to make it more interesting, or make a pitcher of unsweetened herbal iced tea to encourage extra fluid consumption.

 

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Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month book sale

June is Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month, a time to raise awareness of Alzheimer’s disease and to decrease the stigma and silence that too often accompanies an Alzheimer’s diagnosis.

To mark this important campaign, AlzAuthors hosts a book sale and giveaway each June. AlzAuthors is a global community of authors writing about Alzheimer’s and dementia from personal experience, whether as a caregiver or as a person living with these conditions.

I’m proud to be a part of this organization, and I’m excited my book, The Reluctant Caregiver, is a part of this sale. From June 15th through June 22nd you can get my book for half off and find great deals in a variety of genres, including fiction, memoir, non-fiction, and children’s and teen literature. Most are available in Kindle and e-book formats, and many are available in paperback and audio. AlzAuthors is proud to share its library of carefully vetted books to help guide you on your own dementia journey.

SHOP NOW: Alzheimer’s and Brain Awareness Month book sale and giveaway sponsored by AlzAuthors

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Why Dementia Means Letting Go (and Why My 2020 Theme is “Let Go”) — When Dementia Knocks

This blog post written by Elaine M. Eshbaugh, PhD, has such a good message for all of us right now, especially caregivers. It is so true that you must learn to “let go” when dealing with dementia. Those of us who have been dementia caregivers have navigated our ways through “new normals” before. Stay safe and don’t be too hard on yourself.

So what’s your personal 2020 theme? (Can you answer this question without using a four-letter word that would’ve gotten you in trouble at recess?) You’ve got your personal and family challenges, which likely include dementia since you are reading my blog. You’ve got whatever chaos is happening in your community. Maybe people are arguing about […]

via Why Dementia Means Letting Go (and Why My 2020 Theme is “Let Go”) — When Dementia Knocks

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June 12, 2020 · 9:57 pm

Honoring caregivers during difficult times

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I’d like to take this moment to express my gratitude to all of the caregivers who have gone above and beyond the call of duty to care for their clients during the coronavirus pandemic. If there is anything positive to come out of this difficult period in our history, it is that the duties of care workers are absolutely essential and have been undervalued by society.

As Ai-Jen Poo writes in the article, Bringing Dignity Back to Essential Work, “I think we have a moment where we’re all taking a step back and seeing just how many people are powering our economy that we just never saw before, that we never valued appropriately, and who keep us safe but we haven’t kept them safe.” Think about the essential workers who have made our lives easier during lockdown, including caregivers, grocery store workers, and delivery drivers. These are roles many have taken for granted, but no more. “Once you see the value of what somebody brings to your life, your safety, your community, your economy, it’s hard to unsee that,” Poo writes. I couldn’t agree more.

Immigrants, women and people of color make up a large part of the caregiver workforce, including those who provided care to my parents. As we take stock during these challenging times, we have the opportunity to address past mistakes, such as underpaying care workers and not providing them with the benefits and the community support they need and deserve. This is not an idealistic, but realistic endeavor. As Poo points out, care workers allow the rest of us to go do our jobs, increasing productivity across the board.

I’m donating to Caring Across Generations to support their work in elevating the dignity and rights of caregivers. I encourage you to support your local caregivers in whatever way you can.

 

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