December 20, 2020 · 10:13 am

Remember those mourning amid holiday cheer

It’s the ninth anniversary of my father’s death, and that also means it is time for my annual PSA (public service announcement) about being gentle and non-judgmental with those who choose not to celebrate the holiday season because they’ve lost someone during this time of year.

The coronavirus pandemic that has claimed more than 300,000 lives in America will put a damper on this year’s festivities. But I also noticed the opposite effect, with neighbors putting their Christmas decorations up well before Thanksgiving. Both are natural reactions and we should respect the way individuals choose to cope.

This year as I reflect upon the anniversary of my father’s death, I remembered a detail I came across in a card he had attempted to write one of his sisters, but no longer had the cognitive function to address and mail. He had written in the card that he had been diagnosed with the swine flu. He had not received such a diagnosis, but the H1N1 pandemic was in the news at the time. Dad had latched on to that to explain what was happening to his body. That memory came back strong this year as the coronavirus pandemic unleashed its fury across the world.

Related to the pandemic and the need to wear masks, I also am reflecting on the fact that Dad would likely have been anti-mask. In 1986, when I was 12, wearing seat belts became mandatory when driving a vehicle in California. I remember many heated arguments in the car because of my father’s stubborn refusal to put on his seat belt. He claimed wearing the belt was constricting and made him feel like he was choking. Sound familiar this year? As an ill-advised compromise, Dad would drape the belt over his torso, but not latch it. Fortunately we never had any serious accidents. According to the Los Angeles Times, my father was part of the majority who at the time did not wear seat belts on a regular basis.

It has been the strangest and most challenging of years and the holiday season is no different. Connect with those you love however you can safely. Offer words of comfort and healing to the many who are grieving.

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December 11, 2020 · 5:00 pm

Holiday gift ideas for dementia caregivers

We could all use some good cheer and a thoughtful gesture after such a challenging year. It you are looking to get a gift for a dementia caregiver, here are a few ideas.

Self-care: Family caregivers are notoriously bad about taking care of their own needs, but caregiver burnout puts everyone at risk. Caregivers are often short on alone time, so take that into consideration when choosing gifts. A candle with a soothing scent, calming tea, music to lift the spirits, a book of daily inspirational posts —choose something that will allow a caregiver to enjoy a momentary respite even while they are isolating at home with their loved one. Take a look at my CBD gift guide for other self-care gift ideas.

Homemade gifts: Whether it’s a favorite dish, a knitted item, a phone call or a handwritten card, showing you care in your own special way makes for a thoughtful gift. Family caregivers, especially of those with dementia, often feel isolated as friends drift away, uncertain how to navigate cognitive impairment. Simply reaching out with a small token of affection is worth more than you can imagine.

Helping hand: If you are a handy person, consider offering your services to repair something in or around the caregiver’s home (of course taking precautions due to the pandemic.) Or consider a subscription to a meal delivery service, or a gift certificate for grocery delivery or delivery from their favorite restaurant. Anything that will ease the burden of maintaining the household will be appreciated.

Genealogy: Some people with dementia remember the past better than the present. A gift for a genealogy service or scrapbooking materials for those who are not digitally inclined can be a gift for both the dementia caregiver and the loved ones they care for. Capturing those family memories is priceless. Gathering old photos and assembling them while remembering family stories can be a wonderful bonding activity. I find both the online services and scrapbooking to be enjoyable. This is also a good project to do while housebound due to the pandemic and/or inclement weather.

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December 4, 2020 · 6:03 pm

The Link between Dementia and Mismanaged Finances — Dealing with Dementia

My father began to struggle with money issues years before other signs of dementia became apparent. He would argue with clerks because he thought they overcharged him and had trouble paying for items in cash, especially if change was involved. He began to carry a large wad of bills around and would dump large piles of coins on the bed in an attempt to “sort” them but there was no organization taking place. Your loved ones may have more subtle signs of financial issues due to cognitive decline, but it is important to monitor.

Read more below from Kay Bransford of Dealing with Dementia.

Eureka! What I recognized anecdotally for years is now published research that concluded financial symptoms of cognitive issues are surfacing up to six years before a formal clinical diagnosis. SIX YEARS. You are noticing changes in your own thinking, or you are seeing changes in a loved one that is concerning, but the primary care…

The Link between Dementia and Mismanaged Finances — Dealing with Dementia

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November 25, 2020 · 11:39 am

Being grateful in a year of turmoil

It will be a different kind of Thanksgiving celebration this year for many families. Smaller gatherings, not getting to hug elder loved ones, some spending the holiday in isolation.

I hope by this time next year, we will largely have put the coronavirus epidemic behind us. Having spent almost the entire year in its grips, we must be resilient for the next few months as vaccines become available. I know many are understandably exhausted, but there does appear to be a light at the end of this tunnel.

There are many things to be grateful for this year.

I am grateful to the healthcare workers, from the ICU nurses to nursing home staff to home health aides, who put their lives on the line each and every day to take care of the rest of us. That is an awe-inspiring sacrifice. (To the thousands who lost their lives to COVID-19 while caring for others, I express my gratitude to their grieving families.)

I am grateful to all of the frontline workers, from grocery store clerks to transit employees to those in food production and utilities. They kept the rest of us who were isolating at home up and running, so we could continue doing our jobs and taking care of our families.

Of course I want to give thanks to the family caregivers. The stress and anguish they have gone through this year is devastating. I’ve read so many heartbreaking accounts of families not being able to visit loved ones in nursing homes because of lockdowns. Watching their loved ones physically and mentally decline via Zoom or standing outside, separated by a glass door or window is something no one should ever experience. Many families couldn’t even be with their loved ones as they died. For those caring for vulnerable family members at home, every sniffle put one on high alert. Trying to keep loved ones at home healthy, comfortable and entertained while reducing their risk of infection is a monumental task. Many caregiver resources have been limited or shut down due to the pandemic, leaving families to fend for themselves.

This Thanksgiving, I hope you are able to find some joy and comfort, even if your celebration has to be altered due to the pandemic. As a token of gratitude, I am participating in a book giveaway. Both The Reluctant Caregiver and CBD for Caregivers are available for free.

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November 21, 2020 · 2:39 pm

Amazon Alexa now has Care Hub

I’m always interested in new technologies that can help elders and their caregivers. So when I received an email about Amazon Alexa’s new Care Hub, I took some time to look at its features.

Smart home devices such as virtual assistants have become popular over the last several years, and their ease of use means a wide range of people, from children to older people, can adopt them without much of a learning curve. The privacy concerns are real and should not be ignored, however many find that these devices are helpful in their daily lives. I have one of the older Amazon Echo devices and I use it to automate the house lights and to use as a timer when I’m cooking.

The new Care Hub requires the elder user to have an Amazon Echo device in their home and for the caregiver to at least have the Amazon Alexa app on their phone. Echo devices start around $50, though you can get older generations at a discounted rate, especially during Black Friday or other deal days. For example, a deal right now offers an Echo Dot for $29.99.

A customized activity feed is linked with alerts so that you can monitor when your loved one first interacts with the device each day. If activity is delayed, then you can check up on them, either through the Care Hub or by phone. Alexa will also notify caregivers if their loved one asks for help, allowing the caregiver to check on the person and call emergency services if necessary.

There are a lot of things that Alexa can do to help elders, from offering pill reminders to adding items to the shopping list and making hands-free calls without having to remember numbers.

I haven’t had the chance to use Amazon’s Care Hub because I’m not currently caregiving for anyone, but would love to hear feedback from anyone who has had the chance to try it.

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November 14, 2020 · 11:07 am

Dementia: a new beginning —

I admire Kate Swaffer for sharing her experience with early-onset dementia with the world. If you haven’t been following her, I highly recommend doing so. She offers great insight and tips for how those with dementia can be better accommodated so they can continue living their lives to their fullest potential.

via Kate’s blog:

Thanks to SBS for posting my article, written specifically for their website recently. Read: ‘I was diagnosed with dementia at 49. It turned out to be a new beginning

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November 7, 2020 · 5:44 pm

National Family Caregivers Month: Honor, take action

November is National Family Caregivers Month. This year’s theme announced by the Caregiver Action Network is “Caregiving in Crisis.” It’s an appropriate theme as the coronavirus pandemic has propelled family caregiving into the national spotlight. In 2020, many Americans found themselves as caregivers for the very first time.

This year’s election was dominated by the coronavirus pandemic. The new administration will have its hands full in trying to bring the pandemic under control, while initiating economic reforms to stabilize the economy. Once again, caregivers play a critical role in both areas.

Here are a few high priorities on my caregiver wish list:

  • Increased financial support for family caregivers: With unemployment rates still high due to the pandemic, it is critical that we offer ample funds and other benefits to those family caregivers who are at financial risk. You cannot care for others if you can’t care for yourself first.
  • More affordable health care options: The ACA was a start, but has significant gaps. The haphazard federal response so far to the pandemic has left some people with pricey medical bills. Hospitals are closing in rural areas when medical care is needed the most. If we’ve learned nothing else from 2020, it is that affordable and accessible health care is a critical need.
  • Increased pay, benefits for professional caregivers: Family members cannot do it all on their own. But the caregiver workforce in America is woefully underpaid. We must improve the pay, benefits and educational opportunities for caregivers so we can attract the best people to these jobs which the pandemic has illustrated are of immense importance.
  • Build a modern eldercare infrastructure: Our population will continue to grow older, live longer and the majority of people want to age in their own homes. We’ll need to develop accessible housing, strengthen our home care network and improve elder resources, especially in rural areas, so that people can grow old where they want, but safely and with ample support.

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October 31, 2020 · 11:14 am

Happy Halloween: May there be more treats than tricks

Many may have mixed feelings about celebrating Halloween in such a difficult year that has been filled with so much real-life horror and death. For those who have lost a loved one, the sight of neighbors decorating their lawns with grave and skeleton decorations may seem insensitive. For those who have children or others in their lives who love celebrating the holiday, it may be important to maintain some semblance of normality.

I definitely feel both of these perspectives when I take the dog on neighborhood walks. Some decorations are quite elaborate and creative, and make me smile. Then I feel an inward cringe when I see the grave markers with RIP stamped on them. I can’t help but think of all of the lives lost this year due to the coronavirus pandemic.

Personally, I love Halloween and enjoy the spooky decorations more than Christmas ones. But I remember feeling a similar ambivalence about Halloween the year my mother died, though she died months before the holiday. I instead focused on the happy Halloween memories we had as a family.

I also had a critical reaction to seeing Christmas decorations being put up at the hospital where my dad lay dying in the ICU. When you are in a family health crisis mode, your perspective narrows. How dare all of these strangers celebrate the holiday when my dad is dying? Realizing the world doesn’t stop for you is a tough, but necessary lesson to learn.

Happy Halloween to those who do celebrate, and hope you receive all treats and no tricks. And if you are grieving and struggling with seeing Halloween decorations, I understand. I hope you can have a quiet night honoring your loved one’s memory.

A free treat for all: You can get both of my books, The Reluctant Caregiver and CBD for Caregivers, for free through this Halloween giveaway.

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October 23, 2020 · 8:00 am

Make a plan to vote now

This is not going to be a partisan political post. I truly believe senior care and caregiving is a bipartisan issue and will take the cooperation of members of all parties in order to pass much-needed legislation.

But the pandemic that has changed so much in 2020 is also changing the way we vote. How you vote and where you vote depends upon your local jurisdiction and personal preference; my only advice is to plan now if you haven’t voted already.

There are arguments to be made for and against the various forms of voting available this year. Here in Georgia, I took advantage of absentee voting and have already mailed in my completed ballot. Thanks to technology, I was able to monitor its progress and received electronic notification when it had been received and approved for processing.

For those who prefer to vote in person, check out your options for early voting. Many states are offering expanded voting locations and it may be a good way to avoid potentially long lines on election day. If you decide to go the traditional route and vote on Nov. 3, be prepared to wait in long lines. Hopefully it won’t be as bad as recent elections, due to the massive amount of people who are voting early this year.

And caregivers should keep COVID-19 in mind when making a voting plan, for yourself and your loved ones. Weigh the risks and comfort level when making your voting plan. Check with assisted living centers to see if they have a plan to help residents vote. For those needing a ride to vote, check out promotions from Uber and Lyft. Make sure to mask up if voting in person, and use hand sanitizer after touching the machine. The one caveat I would point out about waiting until election day to vote is with coronavirus cases on the rise in many areas of the U.S., do you want to run the risk of being sick and missing out on the chance to vote? Just something to consider.

After the election, the real work begins on working with those elected to create sensible, practical caregiving policies that offer families the support they deserve.

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October 16, 2020 · 5:35 pm

Dementia Caregiving and COVID — When Dementia Knocks

 

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As we face another potential wave of coronavirus cases this fall and winter, this post by Elaine M. Eshbaugh, PhD, on When Dementia Knocks addresses the challenges of caregiving during this unprecedented time with compassion and humility. None of us have all of the answers and we cannot beat ourselves up for making mistakes.  

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I haven’t given COVID as much attention in my blog as it deserves. I’ve started many posts and abandoned them because they felt inadequate. To be fair, I have gotten a bit of hate the few times I’ve written posts about COVID. Examples: I thought you were smarter than this. COVID isn’t any worse than […]

Dementia Caregiving and COVID — When Dementia Knocks

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