Thinking of Mom on her birthday

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My mom on her 77th birthday.

Today would have been my mother’s 79th birthday.

Sometimes I still can’t believe that my father outlived my mother. He was 79 when he died.

It’s also hard to believe sometimes that just two years ago, I was celebrating her last birthday alive with her. I’m glad I made the trip, it’s not something I always did, but at least I did it when it counted the most.

After I passed the year mark of my mom’s death, it felt like a veil lifted. I’m more at peace now and less bombarded by flashbacks of her death and final months.

Today I will try to remember the good things: my mother’s corny but infectious sense of humor, that southern accent she never lost, her generous and kind spirit.

How do you mark the birthdays of those who are gone?

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Time for reflection on Fourth of July

 

Sometimes, I think Mom departed the planet at just the right time. When I look back over the past year, I think of all of the horrible tragedies that have happened, the numerous, deadly terrorist attacks and mass shootings that have taken so many innocent lives.

My mom did not understand all of the politics and history behind international terrorism, but a mother crying over the death of a child in a market bombing? My mother could connect with that based upon a universal sense of humanity and compassion.

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Mom never understood why anyone would choose to act out of hate, instead of love. I sometimes was dismissive of her simplistic attitude, but we could certainly use a bit more positive thinking in our world right now.

At the same time, there is deep division in America, as we find ourselves mired in an ugly political season and having to face serious issues that don’t have easy answers. Perhaps those who have already departed are the fortunate ones.

Still, there is much to appreciate about America, and what the country has been able to accomplish over its history. When a terrible event occurs, the outpouring of compassion and generosity that occurs offers a glimmer of hope for our country. My mom always focused on the good in people, and I’m going to try to adopt a bit of that attitude in her memory.

My parents loved America; my mom served in the Navy and my dad immigrated from his beloved homeland of northern Ireland and became a U.S. citizen. Hopefully that sense of pride is not lost forever on future generations of Americans.

Today, I hope you and your family are able to enjoy time together, however you mark the day.

 

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Legendary coach Pat Summitt gone too soon

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Even if you are not a women’s college basketball fan, you probably would have recognized the former Tennessee Vols coach and her intense sideline expressions. Pat Summitt, the winningest coach in collegiate sport history, has died from Alzheimer’s complications at the age of 64.

Though early-onset dementia is usually more aggressive, I am still surprised at how quickly the disease claimed Summitt.

Word of her declining health spread on social media over the weekend. After being diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s in 2011, Summitt retired from coaching in 2012 but was an active and passionate  Alzheimer’s activist. Over the last year or so, she had made less public appearances, but I had no idea her health had declined so significantly.

Again, even if you don’t care about sports statistics, Summitt’s record was absolutely amazing. Summitt amassed the most successful coaching career in collegiate history with her head coaching record of 1,098 wins and 208 losses, earning her an impressive .841 win percentage. That’s best college coaching record, male or female.

Known for her fierce competitive streak and steely-eyed intensity, players remembered Summitt as a tough but gifted coach who encouraged them to give their all in each game.

In response to her Alzheimer’s diagnosis, Summitt said, “There’s not going to be any pity party and I’ll make sure of that.” After the end of her coaching career, Summitt worked tirelessly to raise awareness for Alzheimer’s by establishing The Pat Summitt Foundation.The Pat Summitt Alzheimer’s Clinic at the University of Tennessee Medical Center is scheduled to open in December.

Summitt’s passion and dedication will be missed on and off the court. I hope her death at such a young age will at least make people take note that Alzheimer’s is not just an “old person’s” disease, and that it can claim the lives of even the toughest fighters among us. (Though one could argue that death is victory over Alzheimer’s.)

May she rest in peace, and my thoughts are with her son Tyler and the family.

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The most important conversation of all

Many of us have struggled with having end-of-life discussions with our loved ones. But “the talk” is one of the most important conversations we can have with those we care about the most. Christopher MacLellan tackles the talk and offers some practical advice.

The best preparation for tomorrow is doing your best today. H. Jackson Brown, Jr. Having “The Talk” does not have to be hard or difficult, yet the talk does have to happen at some point in our lives. I’m not referring to the birds and the bees talk our parents have with us when […]

via Having The Talk: How To Make End Of Life Wishes Easier — The Purple Jacket

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Gratitude on Father’s Day

 

It was an emotionally exhausting week to be a journalist, with the mass shooting in Orlando yet another example of America at its worst. But as always is the case in these national tragedies, stories emerge that show America at its best: brave, compassionate, able to put aside differences to help others in need.

A father in Seattle talking to his 8-year-old daughter about the Orlandodad-joy-sm incident was surprised when she innocently asked, “Do the fathers still get a Father’s Day card?”

That spurred a project where 49 Father’s Day cards were created for each father of a victim in the Orlando shooting. The city got involved and over 300 people signed the cards.

It’s a difficult Father’s Day for too many families struck by senseless tragedies.

It’s a heartbreaking Father’s Day for those who have recently lost their fathers.

It’s a bittersweet Father’s Day for those with fathers who have Alzheimer’s disease.

But somehow, somewhere, we have to dig deep and be grateful for what we do have. So I am grateful for a father who has been freed from the prison of Alzheimer’s, who loved me and was proud of me and for all of the old photos and mementos I have of his life that I will treasure forever.

If you celebrate Father’s Day, I hope you are marking the day in a way that is meaningful for you.

 

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Supporting caregivers of wounded warriors

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I’m always eager to support caregiver causes, and this upcoming documentary caught my attention.

“The Weight of Honor” is a documentary about family caregivers tending to their loved ones who were wounded while serving in the military. These caregivers, often young and caring for young children, find themselves suddenly tending to spouses who have suffered catastrophic injuries and who are dealing with PTSD.

You can watch the trailer here:

I recently watched a very moving PBS documentary, “Of Men and War,” that focused on a PTSD treatment center, the first of its kind. To hear what these men went through, and what they are battling to overcome, was gut-wrenching, but something that deserves more recognition and support.

Like many documentary filmmakers, funds are tough to come by, even for such a noble cause. Director and producer Stephanie Howard has started a crowdsourcing campaign for finishing funds for the film. If you would like to support the project, please consider a donation and share information about the film on your blog and social media.

I look forward to seeing this documentary and learning more about what military family caregivers experience.

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Dad on Ali

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With the death of Muhammad Ali, I couldn’t help but think back on Dad’s love of the sport. I never got into boxing, but I remember Dad watching the matches available on network TV (before they moved to pay-per-view, as we never had cable.) He would light up and was as enthusiastic as he was about watching his beloved Notre Dame team or watching a soccer match. As a young man, he even started writing a novel about a boxer, which he never finished.

I’m pretty sure Dad was an Ali fan. I don’t know if he supported all of his viewpoints, but I think as an Irishman, he could appreciate Ali’s showboating. Also, as a northern Irishman, my dad could appreciate someone from a minority group who was being marginalized and brutalized taking on the establishment. I can hear my dad’s voice imitating the crowd when Ali came to the ring, chanting, “Ali, Ali, Ali.” I remember my dad becoming very animated about describing one of Ali’s historic matches.

Even if you are not a boxing fan, it’s worth checking out some of the old interviews and matches with Ali. The way he handled himself, not only as an athlete but as a citizen in this world was unmatched. Yes, you could call him arrogant and egotistical, but part of that was his persona, and alongside that, there was a sincerity and genuine concern about the world. The way he challenged the status quo as a black man in the 1960’s was remarkable and courageous. He stood by his religious beliefs, being banned from his profession for three years. He was no saint, of course, with multiple marriages and a penchant for affairs, but he never claimed to be, only saying he was the best he could be.

After boxing, he could’ve just rested on his laurels, especially after being diagnosed with the debilitating Parkinson’s disease, but he chose to walk the walk when it came to humanitarian causes. He traveled the world, set up foundations and did what he could to ease suffering and support the downtrodden.

As many have pointed out, there is some irony in the fact that Ali got Parkinson’s disease, a condition that stripped away his physical beauty and his famous “Louisville Lip.” Was God teaching him a lesson for being an arrogant big mouth? Ali took the diagnosis in stride, and didn’t shy away from society. Instead, he used it as another teaching moment.

Ali was brash, talented, controversial and courageous. He was truly one-of-a-kind. I hope he’s free of his broken body and that his spirit continues on somewhere, floating like a butterfly.

On another note, there was also another boxing connection this week. A relative of mine reached out on Twitter, the grandson of Dixie McCall, who I’ve written about before. He was my aunt’s husband. Social media has its faults, but it is so neat that we can make family connections via a tweet.

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Thanking Jim Garner and family

I have been following Jim Garner’s inspiring, heartbreaking, well-documented journey with early-onset Alzheimer’s.

He died in April, five years after his initial diagnosis. His mother and brother also died from the disease.

https://twitter.com/alzjourney4m/status/716447814511767552

Garner was only 53 years old, and leaves behind a wife and two children. The family showed remarkable strength, grace and selflessness in allowing the Daily Press to document how Alzheimer’s impacted them over the last several years.

In a struggle for aid, Garner, a veteran, was denied access to government programs, including Medicaid, Medicare and social services. Despite 23 years in the Air Force, he Veterans Administration only offered Garner  a 30-day respite stay in a one-star facility.

A friend of Jim’s wife set up a GoFundMe campaign with her reluctant approval. Karen, Jim’s wife, was overwhelmed by the outpouring of support and donations. The money raised allowed Jim to be placed in a secure memory-care unit for the remainder of his life.

Don’t underestimate the power of a caring community.

Karen wants to dedicate the rest of her life to raising awareness for Alzheimer’s, but knows that she will have to get a job to support her two children. Just by allowing her family’s struggles and triumphs to be documented, she has done so much to personalize the toll that this disease takes on the entire family.

One quote from the interview with Karen really struck me. She was talking about how Jim always was about not sweating the small stuff and taught her to appreciate the seemingly mundane things in life. “We don’t realize how lucky we are that we can empty the dishwasher until we can no longer do it, “she said.

So true.

Wishing the Garners love, peace and healing as they mourn their loss.

 

 

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How the dying teach empathy to today’s youths

While some may feel empathy is not something that needs to be taught, but is something that should come naturally to human beings, I do think people need opportunities to experience empathy.

A unique class for high school seniors in New York is doing just that. Simply called “hospice,” the students learn how to take care of the dying and a whole lot more.

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I was moved by the students’ experiences, and how they learned to cater to the resident’s needs, both physical and emotional.As anyone knows who has cared for a dying person, it is usually the smallest of actions that mean the most. A student helps a woman who was a speech pathologist but now ironically battles frontal lobe syndrome do a word puzzle. Another student rook time to read a memoir that a resident had written about his life, to get to know him better.

Sometimes the students experience death, up close and personal. It even hits close to home sometimes, as one student enrolled in the class has to deal with her dying grandmother who has been admitted to hospice.

The students shared what they gained from this most unusual of courses. They liked the fact that it was non-competitive, and it was a reality check that we are all going to die someday. Another student liked the class because it wasn’t competitive like most of his other courses; it’s simply about helping other people.

While I say kudos to The Harley School for maintaining such a course, and there may be similar classes elsewhere, I would like to see this become a more widespread movement. We’ve heard about the “scared straight” classes that send troubled teens to the morgue, and while that may shock some into choosing a better path in life, I think being around those who are one step away from death is far more valuable.

 

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Honoring the departed with gratitude

Today has been the day I have been eyeing on the calendar for quite some time. My mother died one year ago today.

It is hard for me to believe one year has passed since that moment that I dreaded so much, yet brought some peace and stability back to my life. I didn’t want my mother to die too soon, but even more so,  I didn’t want her to suffer.

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But today is not about mourning. I have done enough of that over the past year, and rightfully so. Today I decided to make about gratitude.

As I’ve mentioned previously, my mom always showered kindness and appreciation on those she encountered in her daily life, from the convenience store clerk to the shuttle driver to her doctor. But it was those in the service industry, those who are often overlooked or taken for granted, that my mother really connected with. Sure, sometimes I would internally roll my eyes when Mom would talk my ear off about how the her favorite convenience store clerk was having surgery on her knee and a granddaughter on the way.

But it floored me that when Mom was in the hospital recovering from surgery, not only would she remember the CNA’s name, but her granddaughter’s name as well and that the kid was going to be in a spelling bee. I couldn’t even remember the nursing assistant’s name!

So today, I visited local businesses in my community and handed out thank you cards. For whatever reason, I felt a little silly, but when I saw the smiles light up the faces of the employees, I felt good. I think Mom would be proud that her daughter is carrying on her torch of goodwill.

It’s still a work in progress, but here is a link to the scrapbook I started for my mother.

Mom’s scrapbook

Thank you, dear blogging friends and followers. Your support means so much to me.

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