Tag Archives: birthday

July 19, 2025 · 3:05 pm

Birthday reflections: The gift and burden of self-care

Birthday breakfast treats!

Today is my birthday. After last year’s leap of faith, I’m keeping it simple this year with a staycation. An at-home vacation gives one opportunities to indulge in self-care.

I’m a believer in self-care; my project Respite Care Share is all about helping caregivers take breaks from caregiving duties. (I’m wrapping up a refresh of that project, more to come soon.) There are numerous studies about caregiver burnout and the dangers it presents to caregivers and care recipients. Taking regular caregiving breaks is key to recharging and maintaining an identity outside of caregiving.

But reality check: self-care doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand. I wish it did! For solo caregivers and single folks, self-care is yet another task one has to perform on top of all of the other chores and duties necessary for a functional life. And at some point, caring for yourself can feel like a burden.

If you find yourself struggling with self-care, try connecting with resources that are meaningful and authentic. I listened to an episode of the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast recently with two of my favorite people in the metro Atlanta caregiving community: Elizabeth Miller and Hope Cross. This was a down-to-earth discussion about the challenges of caregiving and taking care of oneself. You may remember I’ve written about Hope before, as she cared for her husband, Steve Dezember, who had ALS. She is now a licensed counselor with a practice focused on family caregivers.

If you are looking for ways to incorporate more self-care into your life (most of us need to!) the Happy Healthy Caregiver website is a good resource. From my own experience with Respite Care Share, it’s best to start small, with easy to manage and access respite activities, even if it’s just getting away for an hour and enjoying your favorite beverage at a local cafe or taking a walk in the park. Respite can be designed to fit the caregiver’s needs and caregiving situation. For some, it might mean a weekend away; for others an afternoon to recharge. What’s important about respite and self-care is not so much what you do, but how often you engage in caring for yourself.

Looking at old family photos is a favorite respite of mine. If you haven’t tried My Heritage’s new AI feature, Live Memory, consider giving it a spin. You get to try it for free. It brings motion to images. It added an extra sweet dimension to this beloved photo with my father.

Here’s hoping you can find a way to make self-care the gift it should be and not a burden in your life.

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July 6, 2025 · 9:00 am

Thinking of Mom on her birthday

Today Mom would have been 88 years old. My mother and I shared a birthday month which always made July special to me. Now it’s a little bittersweet, but I still carry the memories of how my mother tried to make my birthday special each year and how I did the same by making her handmade cards and crafts. What my gifts lacked in artistic talent they made up for in love.

Even though my mother and I were born in the same month and the same astrological sign, we were opposites in personality. I write about those challenges in The Reluctant Caregiver. But one thing we shared was a love of creativity and the arts. Over her lifetime my mother learned how to play the guitar and took dance lessons. She made fabric art wall hangings. I’m grateful to have inherited a love of creativity as well, as it can make the world a better place during challenging times.

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July 27, 2024 · 1:08 pm

Highs and lows and embracing resilience

My 50th birthday was memorable in the best and worst of ways. The day before I turned 50, I traveled to Las Vegas and did the SkyJump at The Strat. It’s an 855-foot plunge from a platform on the 108th floor. Jumpers are attached to a cable and guide wire system for a controlled descent. It’s described as a vertical zip line.

It’s important to note that I’m terrified of heights. I can’t climb a ladder more than a few rungs without my knees shaking. It’s for this reason that I wanted to challenge myself and face one of my biggest fears. Letting go and stepping into the sky is a sensation like no other.

You can watch the video of my SkyJump below. Yes, I screamed all the way down, a mixture of fear and exhilaration.

It’s a good thing that I was still running on the high from the SkyJump because when trying to return home, I ran into the flight software issue that plagued airlines over the past week. I ended up spending early Sunday morning sleeping on the floor of the Las Vegas airport, only to have my flight canceled Sunday afternoon. There was a lot of sitting and waiting, which reminded me of all the times I spent with Mom in doctor’s offices and hospital waiting rooms. It’s a mixture of anxiety, dread, and boredom but my past caregiver experience has built up a reservoir of resilience for such situations. My main concern was not for myself but for my pets, and fortunately I was able to find a pet sitter to fill in at the last minute for my extended absence. I finally made it home Tuesday morning.

It’s not the way I would have preferred to end my birthday trip, but as one gets older and experiences the highs and lows of life, one learns how to better adapt to challenging circumstances.

For caregiver tips, check out my Caregiver Product Recommendations page, with a list of products that I used while caring for my parents.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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July 18, 2024 · 8:00 am

Reflections on turning 50

I’m turning 50 this week. Age may just be a number, but 50 feels like a significant milestone.

While I’m very grateful for my good health, I’m eager to move beyond the worst decade of my life. Within a year of turning 40, my mother died. A few years later, my nearly 20-year relationship ended in divorce. A year later, the coronavirus pandemic shut down the world and left us fearing for our lives and sanity. Just before Thanksgiving 2022, I was laid off from my job. I said a heartbreaking farewell to several beloved pets over the last decade of my life. My 40s was witness to a political firestorm in the U.S. that to my horror, gets worse with each passing day with no resolution in sight.

As I was reminiscing, I came across a blog post that I wrote when I turned 40, and what I hoped to accomplish during this decade of my life. I was prepared for cringeworthy commentary, but in fact, I accomplished all three of the items on my 40s list! I wrote and published a book (a total of 3 in fact!), I went to Ireland and N. Ireland, and I’ve grown my Alzheimer’s awareness advocacy efforts.

It reminded me of the worthy accomplishments that I achieved during my 40s, even if those things are often overshadowed by the barrage of difficult times. Reflecting on the good and the bad, I see a pattern emerge: good often follows the bad. For example, I was able to replace a job that was draining my energy with one that has allowed me to grow and gain new skills. I’ve been able to welcome new rescue pets into my life. Caring for my parents taught me many things about the healthcare system and the resilience of caregivers.

I’m not making a to-do list for my 50s. Instead I’m focusing on challenging myself to face my fears and be open to new experiences. I hope good will follow the bad for me this decade.

For caregiver tips, check out my Caregiver Product Recommendations page, with a list of products that I used while caring for my parents.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

ICYMI: I’m participating in the Smashwords Summer/Winter sale. Get the e-book version of my award-wining collection of personal essays, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off (just 99 cents!) during the entire month of July. Enter the code SSW50 at checkout.

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July 6, 2024 · 12:22 pm

Thinking of Mom on her birthday

Mom would have been 87 today. While Mom and I were opposites in many ways, I did gain an appreciation of music from her. She loved her Martin guitar and it survived several moves with her. She taught me to play a bit when I was a kid; it kept me occupied over those long, hot summers in California. After she died, the guitar was one of the mementos that I cherished the most, so it’s now in my home. I’ve attempted to play it again sporadically, and hope one day I can dedicate enough time to be able to play casually again.

I also inherited an appreciation of a wide range of music from my mother. She loved listening to everything from Mozart and Beethoven to Johnny Cash and Willie Nelson. She even tried to appreciate the music I loved growing up, and the music video craze of the 1980s. I think Cyndi Lauper was probably her favorite, because she was so fun and colorful.

Mom would be proud knowing I was still sharing our family caregiving story with others. You can listen to my appearance on the Caregiver SOS podcast on Spotify or your preferred podcast hosting service. I’ll write more about the appearance in my next post.

A reminder: I’m participating in the Smashwords Summer/Winter sale. Get the e-book version of my award-wining collection of personal essays, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off (just 99 cents!) during the entire month of July. Enter the code SSW50 at checkout.

Check out my summer book recommendations for caregivers for even more books to help you on your caregiving journey.

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

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April 10, 2023 · 8:00 am

Marking Dad’s birthday

Dad would have turned 91 today. This is the earliest photo I have of him, taken at school and addressed to his beloved mother.

Such a serious young man, with his whole life ahead of him.

Dad didn’t have an easy life, but I’m sure while his feet were planted in the grass of his beloved Belfast, Northern Ireland, he never thought he’d live in sunny Los Angeles. His journey as an immigrant shaped his life, but he never forgot home.

At the end of his life, while in the final stages of Alzheimer’s, he talked about returning home, to see his sisters. We were able to honor his wish, in a way. Some of his ashes were sent to his family in Belfast.

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April 12, 2017 · 7:58 am

Missing the milestones

dad-easter

My dad would have turned 85 on Monday. It’s been several years now since his death, and the milestones are starting to become less likely to imagine.

My father has one sister who has lived into her 80s, but most of his family died in their 70s or younger. His immediate family survived the brutalities of WWII so they’re a hardy bunch for sure. Dad made it to 79, and was just 4 months shy of his 80th birthday.

But it’s difficult to imagine my dad at 85. A smoker since his teens, who was diagnosed with COPD and emphysema, those conditions would likely have taken a great toll on him by now, and perhaps he’d be tied to an oxygen machine. He definitely would have hated that. And would he have become so frail as to need a wheelchair? That’s another thing he would’ve loathed. The man loved to walk in a long, fast, striding gait. This was a major problem when he developed dementia, because of his tendency to wander.

So all in all, I’m at peace with the fact that Dad’s not around to be an octogenarian. If I’ve learned anything over the last several years, life isn’t about reaching a certain age but the quality of your day-to-day living.

Since Dad’s birthday is close to Easter this year, I thought it was appropriate to include the one Easter photo I have of us together.

 

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July 22, 2013 · 1:15 pm

A solo performance

Friday was my 39th birthday. This year I have a lot to be grateful for, compared to the grim circumstances of my last birthday. Mom was just 11 days out of major surgery at this point last year and in a skilled nursing facility so she could learn how to walk again. She had a colostomy bag and there was no way to know if the cancer had been successfully removed at that point. I visited her at the nursing home and she labored in writing me a birthday note. I was touched by her effort, which I recorded in last year’s birthday post.

bday cake

Mom has come a long way in the last year. Things are almost back to “normal” whatever that is. Of course, Dad is and always will be the missing piece of that puzzle. As I’ve written before, the long-standing tradition was for my parents to sing “Happy Birthday” to me over the phone, since I usually was not with them for my birthday. They would practice and Dad loved the chance to break out his Bing Crosby impersonation. Last year, things were so crazy that I didn’t even think about the birthday serenade.

This year, Mom was ready for her solo performance. But as she began she was clearly choked up. It took me a moment to understand why and then I knew she was missing Dad as her duet partner. But she got through it and did the big dramatic ending that she used to do with Dad. It made me smile and tear up at the same time.

At some point after losing someone close to you, you adjust for the most part to a “new normal” in your day-to-day living. It’s in these small, rare special moments that the loss hurts the heart the most.

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April 10, 2012 · 7:00 am

Happy birthday Dad

My dad would have turned 80 years old today. It would have been nice if he could have reached that milestone, but not with Alzheimer’s.

He spent his last birthday at the assisted living facility. The staff bought him a McDonald’s meal as a birthday treat. My mom had visited him shortly before his birthday and I called from Atlanta. I have never felt so dishonest as when I mustered up whatever cheeriness I could find in my voice to wish him a happy birthday.

I knew there was no way that it would be a happy day for him. By his 79th birthday, Dad’s dementia, along with the increased medication being fed to him at the care center, had left him an emotionless shell. He wasn’t necessarily sad or angry; he just didn’t seem to be feeling anything at all.

But I always felt that there was this lingering despair that my dad somehow was clinging to, that somewhere deep below the fog of Alzheimer’s, he was aware of his condition and how hopeless his future was.

I hope I was wrong.

Even when he was well, Dad never made a fuss about his birthday. A card, a small gift like cologne and dinner was about all he wanted. I think birthdays in his mind put him closer to death, which he always feared, so he approached the day with trepidation, instead of a spirit of celebration.

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