Category Archives: Memories

Staying curious vs making resolutions

Happy New Year! I hope you and your family had a good and relaxing holiday season.

My family wasn’t big on making new year resolutions, but my mother did cultivate habits when it came to expanding her knowledge. For years, she would open a dictionary each day and read a word and its definition. When I was younger, I thought it was a bit of a quirky but admirable habit. Now, I work in a field where I monitor how popular content is in online search and I was a bit surprised to find that a consistent top performer is “word of the day.” If Mom was still around, she wouldn’t need to lug a heavy dictionary from the shelf, she could just click an app on her phone.

While I may not be a word of the day follower, I did inherit my mother’s curiosity streak. I’m constantly searching for insights and educating myself on a wide range of topics. Some people become experts in particular niches but I tend to gravitate towards learning a little about a wide variety of topics, and then dedicating more time to a few areas for a deep dive. I can’t imagine not continuing to learn throughout my life; I can honestly say I’ve learned more by just living than I ever did in school. Not that a educational foundation isn’t important, it’s more about continuing to grow and evolve your knowledge base over time.

Do you make resolutions for the new year?

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Happy Holidays

Wishing you and your family a holiday filled with love.

For those of us grieving the loss of a loved one this holiday season, may you find some sense of peace and solace in honoring your loved one’s memory in a way that is meaningful to you. For me, that is looking at photos from my childhood. I created a virtual snow globe featuring a photo of my parents at Christmas.

Remember the caregivers in your life, and if possible, offer to pick up a task so that they don’t feel overwhelmed this holiday season and can carve out a bit of self-care time. Respite care comes in many forms.

Need a last-minute gift? E-books make a great gift. Smashwords is running the 2025 End of Year Sale through Jan. 1. You can get the e-book version of my award-winning personal essay collection, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off.

Image generated by Google Gemini.

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Marking 14 years since my father’s death

Today marks 14 years since my father’s death. The events of that day in 2011 and receiving the call that every family member dreads is so sharply engraved in my memory that it’s difficult to believe so much times has passed. Yet my own life and the world has transformed so much that it’s equally as difficult to believe all of these changes have occurred in the last 14 years. Grief processing tends to warp the time element.

For those of you experiencing grief during the holidays, thisWhat’s Your Grief? resource posted by Happy Healthy Caregiver in a recent newsletter may be helpful. It offers 64 tips on how to manage grief and honor the memories of departed loved ones during the holiday season.

Finally, I want to express gratitude for those who read this blog. The Memories Project was born in the immediate aftermath of my father’s death. I’m grateful to the caregiver blogging community for their support and sharing their own caregiving journeys. The blog led to personal essays and then my award-winning book, The Reluctant Caregiver. For those grieving this holiday season, consider a creative outlet to process those complex emotions. Most of all, give yourself the space to simply be with your emotions.

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Happy Halloween

I’ve been out of the country to attend and speak at News Reach Con, a conference for those in the news SEO industry. In Germany where I was, celebrating Halloween is growing some in popularity but not to the same level as in the US. As I’ve written many times on this blog, I’ve always enjoyed Halloween and have mostly fond memories of celebrating the holiday as a child. Halloween also makes me think of how my father took on a neighborhood bully who had been mean to me at a community gathering, which I write about in The Reluctant Caregiver.

While at the conference, one of the speakers, Louisa Frahm, was wearing a fabulous “Elvira Mistress of the Dark” dress. We chatted about growing up with Elvira and how as children, the racy innuendos flew right over our heads as we just enjoyed the costumes and silly movies. I credit Elvira with inspiring my love of cheesy B-horror movies, something that I continue to enjoy to this day.

Zoom in to see Louisa’s fabulous Elvira dress! Photo by Markus Mielek.

I hope your Halloween brings more treats than tricks.

Halloween animation generated by Google Flow AI with Veo.

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Be mindful of fall risks this fall season

A few years ago around this time of the year, I fell hard at the park while walking my dog. It knocked the wind out of me, something I hadn’t experienced since I was a child. The shock of the fall caused me to drop the dog leash but fortunately my rescue dog didn’t take off. After catching my breath and assessing any injuries (fortunately nothing broken or sprained) I was able to slowly make it home. For the next week I was bruised and sore. I was fortunate this was a minor incident, but it was a reminder that falls can happen at any time and can cause more significant injuries.

I was reminded of how falls can be deadly this past week. Ace Frehley of the legendary rock band KISS died after suffering a fall in his home. He was only 74.

Falls can lead to all sorts of health issues from the obvious broken bones that may require surgical repair and a lengthy rehabilitation period to less obvious injuries like internal bleeding and concussions. My mother suffered a fractured shoulder after a fall in the home and it never did heal properly, limiting he ability to raise that arm. My father suffered multiple falls at the memory care center. Falls can be sneaky because internal injuries are not always immediately apparent. It’s important to monitor for any emerging symptoms and changes in mental health status in the days after a fall.

This time of year can be a wonderful time to walk and be out in nature. The temperatures are more moderate and the leaves are turning gorgeous colors. But once those leaves fall to the ground along with other tree debris (we get a lot of hard balls that litter the ground below the tree canopy in my neighborhood) it can create a risky walking surface. Depending upon what shoes I’m wearing I either stomp on these hard balls or try to scoot them out of the way to avoid walking over them. I’ve had a few close calls over the years when walking around the neighborhood during the fall season.

For caregivers of elders or anyone with mobility challenges, just be extra mindful during this time of year. I think it gets less attention that winter, where snowy and icy surfaces are well known for being dangerous conditions. Try to keep the outdoor paths around your home clear of leaves and other fallen debris. Make sure your loved one is wearing sturdy shoes. Guide them through leaf-covered walkways carefully. Remember that after a rain, slick leaves can present an extra slipping hazard.

With a little extra preparation, the autumn season can be enjoyed safely by the young and old alike.

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Football memories with Dad

Today the NFL played a game in Dublin, Ireland. It made me think about my childhood and watching football with my father. Of course, being from Northern Ireland, my father’s first passion was soccer, which he continued to enjoy watching throughout my childhood. He was fond of listening to the Spanish simulcast, even though Dad didn’t understand Spanish, because of the enthusiasm of the announcer. It may have been Andrés Cantor, because I remember the famous “gooooooal!” call and how my Dad loved to try and mimic it.

The first sport I learned from my father was baseball. We would watch Dodgers games and Dad would remind me that the team was once located in Brooklyn, where he once lived. The timing of the team’s move from East to West Coast was right around the time my father arrived in the US, so I doubt he got to see the team play in Brooklyn but he no doubt learned the team’s lore during his time in the Big Apple.

We did watch American football as well. I mostly remember watching college football with my dad when I was a teenager. Of course my Dad rooted for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish. Being a teenager, I would choose the opposing team. I remember watching the Colorado-Notre Dame Orange Bowl rivalry, and how it was one of those rare bonding moments with my dad during my adolescence, as were often like passing ships in the night with his work schedule and my school and work schedule.

I also remember watching NFL games with my father. One specific memory is Super Bowl XXV. I’m pretty sure my father was cheering on the Buffalo Bills because of their quarterback Jim Kelly. Dad tended to support anyone with an Irish name. I remember the “wide right” missed kick by Scott Norwood, which cost the Bills the championship and began a heartbreaking string of Super Bowl losses for the team.

I think Dad would have liked seeing a NFL game being played in Ireland. And I think he would have approved of a Steelers win, a team owned by the Rooney family with ties to Ireland.

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A visit to New Orleans

I attended a conference last week in New Orleans. As I’ve written about in the past, the city holds special meaning for me because my father lived there briefly as a young man. It was a pit stop between his initial years as a new immigrant in New York City, and on his way to Los Angeles, where he would spend the bulk of his life.

My father worked at The Roosevelt Hotel in New Orleans, which still exists. Any time I’m in New Orleans, I make sure to stop by The Roosevelt and have a drink to toast Dad at the Sazerac Bar. I was chatting with the bartender and he said he’d heard so many similar stories over the years, especially relatives of those who performed at the hotel’s legendary music venue, the Blue Room.

Taking in the sights and sounds of NOLA, I wonder about the culture shock Dad must have experienced upon arriving to this eccentric and vibrant city as an immigrant from Northern Ireland, after living in one of America’s other iconic cities, New York City. He didn’t stay in New Orleans long, but he did help with the planning of the St. Patrick’s Day Parade while he was there. What a thrilling experience that must have been!

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Birthday reflections: The gift and burden of self-care

Birthday breakfast treats!

Today is my birthday. After last year’s leap of faith, I’m keeping it simple this year with a staycation. An at-home vacation gives one opportunities to indulge in self-care.

I’m a believer in self-care; my project Respite Care Share is all about helping caregivers take breaks from caregiving duties. (I’m wrapping up a refresh of that project, more to come soon.) There are numerous studies about caregiver burnout and the dangers it presents to caregivers and care recipients. Taking regular caregiving breaks is key to recharging and maintaining an identity outside of caregiving.

But reality check: self-care doesn’t happen by waving a magic wand. I wish it did! For solo caregivers and single folks, self-care is yet another task one has to perform on top of all of the other chores and duties necessary for a functional life. And at some point, caring for yourself can feel like a burden.

If you find yourself struggling with self-care, try connecting with resources that are meaningful and authentic. I listened to an episode of the Happy Healthy Caregiver podcast recently with two of my favorite people in the metro Atlanta caregiving community: Elizabeth Miller and Hope Cross. This was a down-to-earth discussion about the challenges of caregiving and taking care of oneself. You may remember I’ve written about Hope before, as she cared for her husband, Steve Dezember, who had ALS. She is now a licensed counselor with a practice focused on family caregivers.

If you are looking for ways to incorporate more self-care into your life (most of us need to!) the Happy Healthy Caregiver website is a good resource. From my own experience with Respite Care Share, it’s best to start small, with easy to manage and access respite activities, even if it’s just getting away for an hour and enjoying your favorite beverage at a local cafe or taking a walk in the park. Respite can be designed to fit the caregiver’s needs and caregiving situation. For some, it might mean a weekend away; for others an afternoon to recharge. What’s important about respite and self-care is not so much what you do, but how often you engage in caring for yourself.

Looking at old family photos is a favorite respite of mine. If you haven’t tried My Heritage’s new AI feature, Live Memory, consider giving it a spin. You get to try it for free. It brings motion to images. It added an extra sweet dimension to this beloved photo with my father.

Here’s hoping you can find a way to make self-care the gift it should be and not a burden in your life.

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Thinking of Mom on her birthday

Today Mom would have been 88 years old. My mother and I shared a birthday month which always made July special to me. Now it’s a little bittersweet, but I still carry the memories of how my mother tried to make my birthday special each year and how I did the same by making her handmade cards and crafts. What my gifts lacked in artistic talent they made up for in love.

Even though my mother and I were born in the same month and the same astrological sign, we were opposites in personality. I write about those challenges in The Reluctant Caregiver. But one thing we shared was a love of creativity and the arts. Over her lifetime my mother learned how to play the guitar and took dance lessons. She made fabric art wall hangings. I’m grateful to have inherited a love of creativity as well, as it can make the world a better place during challenging times.

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Happy Father’s Day

Thinking of Dad today and what it would be like to take a long walk in the park with him and discuss all of the troubles happening in the world right now.

Hope you get to spend quality time on this Father’s Day with your fathers or those who serve as father figures in your life.

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