Excellent post and so true, self-care in of itself is not an adequate solution for the multi-faceted support that caregivers need.
Category Archives: Memories
New research finds walking just 4K steps daily offers health benefits
For caregivers who may wonder if they or the loved ones they care for get enough exercise, a new study offers recommendations that are more achievable than traditional guidelines.
According to a study published recently in the European Journal of Preventive Cardiology, walking just 4,000 steps per day is associated with a lower risk of death. A 2017 study cited by NBC found that the average person in the U.S. walks 4,774 steps per day.
I’ve been using a smart ring that tracks a variety of health-related metrics including steps. You might be surprised how many steps you log by doing daily household tasks. Cleaning, gardening, caregiving: exercise comes in many forms and offers health benefits.
For those able to move a bit more, the payoff was even better, with every 1,000 extra steps per day associated with a 15 percent reduction in a person’s overall risk of death, according to the new study. Walking has also been associated with a reduction in the risk of dementia.
But what about the 10,000 steps per day rule? That was actually based upon a Japanese marketing campaign for a pedometer, according to NBC. The number caught on and became standard, but according to a health expert interviewed by NBC, it’s a misconception and there’s a wide range of recommended daily steps depending upon age and physical ability.
I inherited my father’s love of walking. While walking didn’t prevent my father from getting dementia, it kept him lean and in decent physical health despite being diagnosed with COPD due to smoking. He would do laps at the memory care center and maintained his mobility up until the last couple of months of his life.
Photo by RDNE Stock project.
Filed under Awareness & Activism, Memories
Being a Human Being
“Stop thinking you’re a human doing. You’re a human being.” That’s a message all caregivers need to hear.
Tonight I spoke with a caregiver. His mother has dementia and lives in a local nursing home. Previously she had been in assisted living, but it was obvious she needed more care. And it’s obvious she is progressing.
He doesn’t know what to do.
I get it. Many of us are programmed to take action. We want to fix. We want to solve. And we take pride in fixing and solving.
But sometimes there is nothing to fix or solve.
You didn’t cause dementia, and you can’t cure it. If you are like me, you think you must be missing something. Maybe there’s some puzzle to solve and you haven’t cracked it yet. There has to be answer. Perhaps if you read more books. Or look at more Facebook pages (please don’t do this).
I want to tell you it’s okay to stop. It’s okay to stop and be. Just…
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Filed under Memories
Happy Father’s Day
Happy Father’s Day. For those whose fathers are still living, I hope you get to spend quality time together. Its not about the gifts or the celebrations but simply time spent together.
Dad wasn’t one for big events. Father’s Day in our household were simple affairs, maybe a walk in the park and then a dinner at one of his favorite restaurants. In this photo we were at a park that had a library next to it. My father’s idea of heaven on earth!
For those of you like myself, whose fathers are no longer living, may you find treasured memories to reflect upon. And for those who have/had difficult relationships with their fathers, I hope you can focus on your own healing today.
Filed under Memories
Merakoi seeking patients, caregivers to interview
If you or someone you care for has mild cognitive impairment, in the early stages of normal onset Alzheimer’s or appears to have memory loss issues, merakoi, a company seeking to “to create healthcare solutions that help people better navigate life with a disease,” is inviting you to join their network.
Those interested in joining the merakoi network must be a US resident and age 65 or over. You will be compensated for your participation in interviews at a rate of $150 per hour.
Here is a direct link to the merakoi network sign-up form. Please select the memories project in the How did you hear about us? drop down menu. Full disclosure: I will receive a referral fee for those who sign up to the merakoi network through The Memories Project blog.
Take some time to review the merakoi website to see if you are interested in participating. The company is focused on facilitating a patient-led approach in designing health solutions.
Filed under Memories
Marking 8 years since my mother’s death
With each passing year, it becomes more difficult to believe so much times has passed since my mother’s death in 2015. Death has a way of warping time, so one can feel the distance of those elapsed years but also be surprised at the sharp pangs of grief that can arise at random moments.
I made an active choice to stay in the caregiver community after the death of my parents and have no regrets about that, but it does keep the illness and end-of-life memories fresher than perhaps they would be otherwise. What is most disappointing is seeing so many family caregivers dealing with the same bureaucratic roadblocks and healthcare challenges that I experienced.
I’m grateful to be able to share my caregiving story and read the moving accounts of other caregivers.
An unusual thing happened this morning after I published this blog post. As I came down the stairs, arms full of laundry, I turned to a portrait of my mother that hangs on the wall at the top of the staircase. I said, “Hi Mom,” and continued on my way. About an hour later I was in the kitchen when I heard a crash and then something tumbling down the stairs. When I went to see what had fallen, it was the portrait of Mom I had just acknowledged an hour before. Mom was never a subtle communicator. It would be just like her to make a dramatic statement. For now, Mom’s portrait has a new spot in the living room.
Filed under Memories
Mother’s Day and loss
I was going through family photos ahead of Mother’s Day and opened an envelope that I haven’t look in very often because it’s photos of my grandmother in her casket at her funeral. My grandmother on my mother’s side died exactly 2 months before I was born. I had never noticed that my grandmother’s funeral date and my mother’s day of death were just a single day apart in the month dedicated to mothers.
Behind the funeral photos were a set of tiny photos, just a bit larger than postage stamps. I don’t remember seeing these photos before. They were of my grandparents at the grave of my beloved uncle, Jim Carroll, who died just before his third birthday. He died from complications after an accidental drowning. I can only imagine the pain and sorrow his untimely death caused. My mother was born the following year, and she always said that she believed God gave her a sense of humor to lift the spirits of the grieving family, especially her mother.
In the photos, my grandparents are older, so I can assume this was taken in the late 1960s or early 1970s. Little Jim Carroll died in 1936 but the decades that had since passed had not lessened the love for their beloved child.
I think of Jim Carroll often, as I have what is a most precious heirloom: his shoes. Still caked with clay, the tiny shoes were handed down to my mother, who was disturbed by the sight of them. I told her to keep them for me. Now they sit on top of my family memorial display, next to his moving obituary.
If you are grappling with family loss this Mother’s Day, I hope you can find some peace and comfort.
Filed under Memories
Marking Dad’s birthday
Dad would have turned 91 today. This is the earliest photo I have of him, taken at school and addressed to his beloved mother.
Such a serious young man, with his whole life ahead of him.
Dad didn’t have an easy life, but I’m sure while his feet were planted in the grass of his beloved Belfast, Northern Ireland, he never thought he’d live in sunny Los Angeles. His journey as an immigrant shaped his life, but he never forgot home.
At the end of his life, while in the final stages of Alzheimer’s, he talked about returning home, to see his sisters. We were able to honor his wish, in a way. Some of his ashes were sent to his family in Belfast.
Celebrating the Irish spirit
My father was fiercely proud of his Irish heritage, but was not a fan of the commercialized St. Patrick’s Day festivities. As I grow older, the more I appreciate the culture of my Irish ancestors: resilient, creative, and brilliant storytellers who can tell the funniest of jokes and sing the saddest of songs and care deeply for family and country.
Of course, there is a darker side to every culture and I witnessed my father struggle through what he called “black” moods of depression and over-indulging in alcohol. I touch upon this in my book, The Reluctant Caregiver. But his love of his hometown of Belfast, Northern Ireland and his hopes of a united Ireland never wavered. In fact, in the last conversation I had with him just a month before he died, deep in the fog of dementia, he told me he wanted to go to Ireland.
So I will raise a toast to Dad with some Irish whiskey tonight and continue my exploration of my Irish heritage.
I have a lucky giveaway to share with you. Get my e-book, CBD for Caregivers, which I recently revised, for free through April 1.
Filed under Memories
Wishing you a happy, healthy new year
Another year is in the books. As we look back on 2022, it’s easy to focus on the negative, but I hope you will cut yourself some slack and take time to celebrate what went well this year. Finding those good moments can be difficult when one is in a challenging caregiving situation. One suggestion that I’ve seen online is to get a jar and write on a slip of paper one good thing that happened each week. At the end of the year, the jar will be filled with highlights. If you are more digitally inclined you could keep a spreadsheet or use an app. It’s a simple way to make sure you don’t overlook your achievements.
My biggest achievement in 2022 was publishing my children’s book, Slow Dog. I began the year taking a course on writing for children, where I came up with the idea but waited until the summer to get serious about the project. If I had waited any longer, the book may never have existed as I got laid off from my job just two months after it was published. Timing is everything and sometimes the universe gives you a nudge just when you need it.
I hope 2023 will bring you good health and success in what matters to you.
Photo by Moritz Knöringer on Unsplash.
Filed under Memories
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The Memories Project 