January 6, 2016 · 8:04 pm

Dad: ‘TV is for my dog’

One of the great treasures I came across as I was doing one of the final sweeps of my parents’ condo after Mom passed was the discovery of a scrapbook.

Dad didn’t seem to be the scrapbooking type, but I can only assume he was the one who collected his letters to the editors of various newspapers across the country. Perhaps Mom collected them, but some of these letters go back to well before my parents met. At any rate, it’s a neat collection, albeit only half-full.

Most of my father’s letters were very serious in nature, mainly about the conflict in Ireland during the 1960s and 1970s, the Vietnam War and crime. But my dad did have a good sense of humor.

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He wrote one letter titled, “TV Is for My Dog.” In it, he bemoans America’s obsession with television programming, an ailment he nicknames “TVitis.” Dad writes that he dreads going to work on Mondays because  everyone will be talking about the weekend’s TV programming, like the Ed Sullivan Show or Candid Camera, and all of that bores him to tears.

Dad proudly declares that he doesn’t watch TV, and only listens to the radio and reads books. Dad says he only turns on the TV for his dog, who likes to watch Lassie.

Of course, my dad eventually did give in to the TV bug, and ended up enjoying quite a bit of television, from The Three Stooges to The Twilight Zone and The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.

But my favorite line is about the dog. Dad never had a dog, but it’s still a funny line.

If watching less television was one of your new year resolutions, my dad would approve.

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December 31, 2015 · 6:23 pm

Lifting spirits as new year approaches

I know this has been a tough year for many of you who read my blog. We’ve had personal losses near and dear to our hearts. Thanks to all of those who read my posts and sent encouraging words, it is much appreciated. I hope for all of us a happier 2016.

After working a crazy month of overnight shifts, I ended up with a nice chunk of time off. If I’d known ahead of time, I could’ve planned a trip to Europe, but it being last minute, I considered closer-to-home options.

Then I realized I never made it to New Orleans.

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Many years ago, back in college, we drove through there, lost some money at the casino, and drove on. But ever since I found the letter in my dad’s belongings from The Roosevelt Hotel, proving that he worked there, I have wanted to visit the city and stay at the hotel. I decided to take the train, to give myself extra time to read and write.

Dad Roosevelt Hotel letter

I had an enjoyable trip and The Roosevelt is certainly a hotel to visit, especially at Christmas. I also got to do something in honor of my mom, which was to visit the butterfly garden at the Audubon Insectarium. It was beautiful, and to be surrounded by so many live butterflies was breathtaking. Mom would have loved it so much, and I have to believe that if reincarnation exists, she’s there, making the young and old alike smile.

I’m not big on resolutions, but while in New Orleans I had my oracle read (I also stopped in a church to light candles for my parents so I covered my spiritual bases.) Anyways, I don’t necessarily believe or disbelieve in oracle readings, it’s all just information to consider. The woman told me that I’ve been making little changes to my routine, and that I should continue to do that in the new year, as chance encounters may lead to greater insights.

And the truth is, I have been changing my routine. Ever since Mom died, I wanted to avoid getting into a rut. I wanted to try and appreciate each and every day more, and expose myself to new experiences. Not all of these were particularly exciting endeavors (working the graveyard shift) but certainly it offered a new way of looking how I organize my life what my priorities are.

So I will prod myself to keep experiencing the world in new ways, even if it’s just taking a different route home. There is much to gain even in the most mundane of activities.

If you have goals for the new year, I would love to hear about them.

 

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December 22, 2015 · 8:01 am

A bittersweet Christmas week, with gift of hope

This week was a double whammy for me, as not only did I mark the fourth anniversary of my father’s death on Dec. 20th, yesterday marked seven months since Mom died. Somber anniversaries just before Christmas.

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Mom’s last Christmas card to me.

While I think of my parents daily, I honestly let the 20th slip by without officially marking my father’s death anniversary. Four years out, there is naturally some healing and closure. I know this will eventually happen with how I feel about my mom as well.

Just after Christmas, I am paying my father tribute by visiting New Orleans. I will be taking the train, one of my dad’s favorite modes of transportation (after a boat.) I will be staying at the Roosevelt Hotel where my dad worked for a brief time.

My dad never provided a great deal of detail about his time in New Orleans, but when he did speak of the city, he spoke of it fondly. I’ve been once before, but was just passing through. I look forward to reconnect with one of my dad’s old stomping grounds, when he was a young and carefree man.

I also hope that being “stuck” on the train will free up time for me to focus on writing.

For the other bloggers out there dealing with loss or illness this holiday season, I send along thoughts of peace and comfort.

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December 15, 2015 · 5:43 pm

Tree of memories

Each year, it seems that there is another memorial ornament to hang on the Christmas tree.

Welcome to middle age, I guess.

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The top of this year’s tree is loaded with memorial ornaments and pet collars of departed pets. While the sheer number of the dearly departed is a bit shocking, I don’t mind that the Christmas tree has become a memorial tree of sorts.

It’s a nice way to reflect on those we shared so many holidays with, and who will always hold a special place in our hearts.

Do you hang memorial ornaments or otherwise honor the departed during your holiday celebrations?

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December 8, 2015 · 9:02 am

In support of tough women

I stumbled upon this photo of my mom and my aunt Helen, and it made me laugh out loud. I’m not sure if they were trying to look mean or not, but they look like two tough gals you wouldn’t want to mess with!

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My aunt Helen preceded my mom in death by about a year. She was tough. She had survived cancer, back when Cobalt was the primary treatment method and it apparently had brutal side effects. Helen soldiered on, raised a family, took care of her husband (my mom’s brother) when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and outlived him to a ripe old age. Even though she was afflicted with painful conditions as she neared the end of her life, she continued to travel the country and Canada with her family.

Born in the 1920s and 1930s, Aunt Helen and my mom knew tough work from a young age, but they also knew the love of a strong family.

Aunt Helen and my mom grew closer as they grew older, no doubt because they outlived many of the other members of the family. But the two also could talk for hours, with Aunt Helen serving as my mom’s eyes and ears back home in Newport, Tennessee where most of her family lived.

It was a big loss for my mom when Aunt Helen died, as she lost a key connection to her family. Younger generations prefer to text or email, something my mother never did. The phone grew silent.

Now I feel the same way with Mom gone, and the silent phone. I don’t miss it ringing to be honest, but the severed connection cannot be replaced. At least I have this outtake photo, showing the toughness and sense of humor our family have.

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December 1, 2015 · 7:38 pm

Like it or not, change is constant

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Photo credit: Mark Brannan/FreeImages

While I knew my mother’s death would be difficult to process, one thing I secretly looked forward to was the idea that my life would settle down once I was off the caregiver roller coaster.

For several years, a phone call could turn my world upside down. I seem to remember a time when life was not so unpredictable. My early twenties was filled with some standard life changes, graduating college and moving to a big city to begin the working girl phase of life. Certainly there were ups and downs throughout the rest of my twenties and early thirties, but I had established a relatively drama-free domestic life.

I thought once Mom was at peace, I would be able to reestablish a comfortable routine in my life. I would have welcomed a period of boredom.

Maybe it’s just the demands of middle age, but the six months since Mom’s death have been anything but boring. There have been some good moments and some bad ones, but the one constant thing is change.

For example, this week a coworker of mine had to take emergency medical leave and I find myself working overnight shifts for the time being. I volunteered, finding myself not as resistant to change as in the past.

I still find myself getting stressed out by the potholes and roadblocks of life, but begrudgingly I have to admit that for the most part, while unwelcome changes can be temporarily annoying, life has a way of working itself out.

The bumps in the road may seem endless at the moment, but things will smooth out eventually.

If you wait for life to settle down, it may pass you by.

 

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November 26, 2015 · 5:20 pm

Thankful for memories

I discovered recently while having Christmas ornaments made with family photos that my family did not take a lot of holiday pictures.

There were a handful of photos when I was a baby and small child, and then virtually nothing during the rest of my childhood. Of course, back then, we didn’t have the devices that make taking photos and videos so easy now.

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It made me a bit sad that there were so few photos of holiday celebrations, but I am thankful I have the memories. There were no fancy Thanksgiving recipes, it was all from boxes and cans, but it was my favorite meal of the year, because it was made with love and it was a meal my parents and I looked forward to so much.

There won’t be any more meals with my parents in this lifetime, but I consider myself fortunate to have such memories.

 

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November 21, 2015 · 5:28 pm

A fragile healing over the grief

Today marks six months since my mother died. In many ways, it seems impossible that so much time has passed. A half a year! I think of her multiple times daily, and honestly, most of my thoughts are fixated on those last months. I wish her end had been less painful, though I know dwelling on it will not change anything.

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But certainly there are some things moving along in the right direction. The house is refinanced, and I hope to have credit card debt cleared in less than a year. My job is going well, and I’m thankful for the good benefits it provides.

I’m writing not quite as much I think I should, but I am writing. I won a writing award. I was interviewed for a documentary.

To use a not-so-lovely analogy, my grief feels like a bad wound that is slowly healing. If I leave it alone, and don’t pick at it too much, it will eventually heal and a scar may be the only reminder. But it won’t burn or hurt permanently, if I tend to it well. If I let time take its course, and focus on other things, the healing process will work.

I just need to trust in that process.

I need to resist the temptation to open that wound.

My mom would wish me peace over pain. I need to honor her wishes.

 

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November 19, 2015 · 8:00 am

Guest post: 5 tips for reducing your risk of developing Alzheimer’s

By Vee Cecil

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Image via Pixabay by JanTemmel

It seems every week, there’s a new study recommending that people do this or don’t do that to reduce their risk of Alzheimer’s. The most reliable tips line up with an overall healthy lifestyle. Guest blogger Vee Cecil highlights several popular recommendations. – Joy

Alzheimer’s disease isn’t a normal part of aging, although it is much more prevalent among seniors ages 65 and older. In fact, the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease rises with age, doubling every five years beyond age 65. The aging population in the United States continues to grow as the Baby Boomer generation enters its senior years, thus, the incidence of Alzheimer’s disease is also on the rise.

As members of the Baby Boomer generation are expected to live longer, healthier lives than the generations before them, Baby Boomers, as well as younger generations, seek ways to maintain their health and well-being long into their golden years. While there is no surefire preventative measure that eliminates your risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease, there are a few lifestyle changes that may help to reduce your risk.

  1. Exercise regularly and avoid excessive weight gain. A healthy weight and a physically active lifestyle help you to avoid developing diseases such as heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes. In fact, studies have linked diabetes to a higher risk of Alzheimer’s disease. If you are among the 10 percent of older Americans who have diabetes, proper management of the disease is essential. If you aren’t already physically active, consider taking up a cardio activity like walking or swimming. Swimming is an especially good choice for seniors because it strengthens muscles that help reduce your risk of falling and is also easy on the joints.
  1. Eat a diet rich in vitamins and nutrients. According to an article appearing in ABC News, 16 researchers presented convincing evidence of the benefits of various nutritional strategies in reducing the risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease at the International Conference on Nutrition and the Brain in Washington, DC, in 2013. For instance, minimizing your intake of saturated and trans fats and getting enough vitamins and other nutrients from diet staples such as vegetables, legumes, fruits, and whole grains may contribute to a reduced risk of developing Alzheimer’s disease.
  1. Berries, in particular, have beneficial properties that may combat memory impairment. “Berries contain high levels of biologically active components, including a class of compounds called anthocyanosides, which fight memory impairment associated with free radicals and beta- amyloid plaques in the brain,” explains Prevention.com. For maximum benefit, make berries a part of your daily diet.
  1. Reduce your risk of heart disease. Scientists continue to research prevention strategies, but there is not yet a proven way to prevent Alzheimer’s disease. However, there is strong evidence to suggest that many of the same risk factors that increase your risk of heart disease also increase your risk of Alzheimer’s disease; therefore, it’s possible that lowering your risk of heart disease would also lower your risk of developing Alzheimer’s. Such risk factors include high blood pressure, high cholesterol, excess weight, and diabetes. A combination of physical activity, cognitive stimulation, social engagement, and a healthy diet is a multi-component approach in development with the hope of reducing the risk of Alzheimer’s disease.
  1. Stay mentally active. That includes reading, writing, and participating in any activities that engage your brain, such as puzzles, games, and even activities like sewing or crocheting. Studies have shown that people who remain mentally active and regularly participate in reading, writing, and other brain-challenging activities perform better in tests that measure memory and thinking. Learning promotes brain health, and activities that engage your mind are thought to help reduce memory decline over time.

There may not yet be a proven method for preventing Alzheimer’s disease, but taking steps to ensure your overall health and well-being will help you lead a longer, more vibrant lifestyle long into your golden years. Because the risk factors for Alzheimer’s disease overlap with those associated with other diseases, such as diabetes, a proper diet and regular physical activity will go a long way in preserving a healthy body and mind.

Vee Cecil is passionate about fitness, nutrition and her family. A Kentucky-based personal trainer, bootcamp instructor, and wellness coach, she also recently launched a blog, where she shares information on how to lead a happy, healthy lifestyle.

 

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November 15, 2015 · 10:19 am

Finding comfort in terrible times

As I’ve mentioned before, I’m a journalist and I’m often required to cover tragedies like the Paris terrorist attacks. In this digital age, where we are all just a tweet or a Facebook post away from another even if we are physically an ocean apart, watching the horrific scene unfold virtually live was chilling.

It’s also soul-draining to watch the death toll steadily rise, and watch the videos of the blasts and people running and screaming for their lives, as CNN and other news network repeatedly air the footage.

Artwork created by Jean Jullien.

Artwork created by Jean Jullien.

While the evil forces at work seem almost impossible to defeat, there are always signs of humanity, even in the darkest of times. For example, there were reports of strangers in the area opening up their homes to people fleeing the multiple attack scenes. These people offered shelter to those who needed it most, and did so without prompting. In an example of technology being used for good, a Twitter hashtag was set up so that those escaping could find a nearby safe haven. Churches and temples also opened their doors.

There was also a restaurant in the area of the attacks that was placed on lockdown for several hours. Though it’s doubtful that anyone had an appetite as word spread about what was happening around them, the restaurant served everyone a lovely meal. The staff said they were just doing their jobs. This was the definition of comfort food, offering sustenance to the weary.

It makes me think, on a much more personal level, how strangers and acquaintances have offered me comfort in my darkest days of caregiving. Even in the worst of times, there are people around us willing to make a difference, to offer a helping hand.

To those near and far, who offer comfort to those who need it the most, thank you.

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