May 4, 2013 · 10:22 am

Taking a second look

When I was going through Dad’s old photos and documents again, I came across a recommendation letter that I wrote about in a previous post This was from Dad’s New Orleans years. I know very little about that time period of Dad’s life. At least the date on the letter, March 12, 1959 gives me some point of reference. Dad left Belfast quite young (I believe Aunt Maureen said Dad was 17) and worked a couple of years in England. Then he came to America in the early 1950s and lived in New York City (primarily Brooklyn I believe). By 1959 he was obviously living in New Orleans. By 1965, he was living at the Cecil Hotel in Los Angeles, according to his naturalization record.

Dad-ltr-2

I’ve been trying to piece together more on that New Orleans period. I happened to Google the man’s name on the recommendation letter, James A. Comiskey and discovered that he became a federal district court judge and was outspoken about civil rights. He died in 2005.

You never know what you might stumble upon when looking through old documents that seem to be mundane in nature. I highly recommend taking a second look at any photos or documents you have of loved ones because they may contain interesting bits of history just waiting to be discovered.

4 Comments

Filed under Memories

Tagged as ,

April 29, 2013 · 12:32 pm

Are all diseases treated equally? – I say no!!!! Alzheimer’s far behind all others

An interesting and thought-provoking perspective. Should the government fund disease research equally across the board? Currently, Alzheimer’s is WAY behind other diseases like cancer and AIDS. Yet, Alzheimer’s care cost the government and society far more. A difficult issue that warrants further discussion.

Richard Kenny's avatarRichard A Kenny's Alzheimer's | Dementia | Caregiving | Caregiver | Family | EndALZ | Parents

I recently attended the Alzheimer’s Advocacy Forum in DC. I also heard our message that we need to ask for additional funding, but our goal is not to take from any other diseases that are funded by the National Institutes of Health (NIH).

In some regards, I disagree with this! I know my opinion will not be shared by many, if any!

Fact:

Alzheimer’s is the costliest disease in the country! (Medicade/Medicare and family funded)

$140+ Billion paid by Medicaid and Medicare and only $483 Million in research dollars last year. If we invested $14 Billion a year towards Alzheimer’s research, that would only be 10% of what the federal government spends on Alzheimer’s care. I think that is a good investment to reduce our future expenses.

“… Alzheimer’s is the most expensive malady in the U.S….”

“… skyrocketing at a rate that rarely occurs with a chronic disease.”

“……

View original post 1,846 more words

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

April 23, 2013 · 12:53 pm

Melting pot woes

With the profile of the two Tsarnaev brothers who are suspects in the Boston Marathon bombing evolving, it appears they were once grateful immigrants to America. Of course, they were children then. As they grew up, something apparently changed, especially for the elder brother. I’ve been thinking a lot about Dad and his own experience as a young man immigrating all by himself to America from Northern Ireland. He would have been about the same age as Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, the surviving suspect and the younger of the two brothers.

Like the Tsarnaev brothers, my father hailed from a war-torn region which had seen a lot of bloody conflict with the government that controlled the area. Dad spoke openly about his hatred for the ruling British system in Northern Ireland and his deep-seated belief that Northern Ireland Catholics should be free from British control. From time to time, he would make vague mentions of IRA membership and how he couldn’t return home to Belfast because of his past activity. I’ll never know for sure but I will guess this was just a bit of paranoia on his part. I do believe that if he had stayed in Belfast and never immigrated to the U.S., he likely would have become heavily involved in the IRA. Dad was a very proud Irishman and while not a violent person, I do believe he would have been willing to lay his life on the line for the cause.

A joke card from one of Dad's bars back in the day.

The only thing this made Dad a member of was a bar.

The IRA is of course designated a terrorist organization, though Dad always defended the group whenever there was an IRA-sponsored bombing that caused casualties and made the world news report. The U.S. government has played a mediator role in negotiations, with a mixed record of success. Still, I can’t imagine Dad being involved in an attack against his adopted country to make some sort of statement for the IRA.

Certainly, radical Islam and the IRA are two very different beasts. America was a very different country when my father arrived in the early 1950’s, though still heavily broken down by ethnic groups where he lived in Brooklyn. In the light of the tragic Boston Marathon attack, I wish I could ask Dad more about his experiences as a young immigrant trying to find his way in a rapidly developing America. Did he have doubts and frustrations? Did he ever want to leave and return to Ireland?

America’s diversity in race, religion and culture has been a unique and overall successful experiment. But tragedies like the Boston Marathon also highlight the struggles the melting pot creates.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , , ,

April 17, 2013 · 12:22 pm

Living with grief

I’ve been contemplating grief, both mine and others lately. This was even before the tragic events at the Boston Marathon. I’ve watched documentaries covering the topics of the dying and the grieving process for those left behind. I watched “Griefwalker” featuring Stephen Jenkinson, a fascinating man who has dedicated part of his life to helping spiritually care for the dying. He makes some interesting points about how much humans fear death, even now with technological advances that removes much of the pain and suffering. We have convinced ourselves we fear the suffering, but it is really the unknown that death offers that strikes fear in our heart.

Image credit: OrphanWisdom.com

Image credit: OrphanWisdom.com

With Alzheimer’s and dementia patients, it’s so hard to know how much they still understand as they move towards their own dying process. I know my father was very afraid of dying, and especially of the thought of being placed in a coffin and buried. At least we were able to take that worry from him by having him cremated. But there is no way of knowing if those who are mentally compromised grasp the notion of death even in the moment it occurs. Perhaps it doesn’t matter at all to the dying, perhaps they are already on a different plane. Perhaps it is only those that are left behind who must grapple with the dying process.

I often think back to the morning my father died in the shower of the skilled nursing facility. Was there any recognition on his part that he was departing this life? Or was he trapped within the murky world of dementia until his last breath?

In ways I think we try too hard to make sense of the very natural processes of living and dying. We complicate matters by trying to rationalize every aspect of our world instead of allowing ourselves to feel both the pain and joy of living.

This quote from Stephen Jenksion is very simple yet profound: “Grief: It’s how you love all of those things in life that end.”

Indeed.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , , , , ,

April 13, 2013 · 6:49 pm

Sexual Behaviors in an Assisted Living Facility

This is an important topic that no adult child wants to have to deal with but it is simply human nature at work.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

April 10, 2013 · 5:17 pm

Dad’s 81st birthday

Today would have been Dad’s 81st birthday. I never expected my father to live that far into old age, as I always suspected his nearly lifelong smoking habit would catch up to him sooner rather than later. Despite being diagnosed with COPD and emphysema he never suffered the severe consequences of those diseases. He wasn’t one of those people who needed to carry an oxygen tank with him or who could not walk a few steps without getting out of breath. He remained in decent physical shape until the last few months of his life. It was the parts of his brain that stopped working properly that caused him the biggest health-related issues.

A visit with the ducks.

A visit with the ducks.

Today is a beautiful spring day where I live. Okay the pollen that has covered everything in town with a yellow dust isn’t so pretty but the experts claim that doesn’t cause the bad allergy reactions. I wasn’t going to let a little pollen stop me from honoring Dad’s birthday. I took a walk through the park, imagining how much Dad would have enjoyed such beautiful scenery. I visited the lake with the ducks and a pair came right up on the platform where I was for awhile before honking and taking off. I always enjoy seeing the ducks as it reminds me of happy childhood memories of visiting the park with my parents and feeding the ducks. And those honks made me think of Dad’s impersonations of Donald Duck that I loved so much as a little girl.

A Titanic souvenir.

A Titanic souvenir.

Next I finally made it to the Titanic exhibit. I know Dad would have loved to see the old photographs and recovered items from the world’s most famous ship. You receive a boarding pass with a name of an actual Titanic passenger with your ticket. At the end of the exhibit you get to see if “your” passenger survived or perished. Sadly, my passenger was Mrs. Benjamin Peacock who perished along with her two small children. They were coming to America to join Mr. Peacock who had already arrived in the U.S. the year before and was awaiting their arrival in New Jersey. The whole family was supposed to travel together but the wife was ill at the time and so her husband went on ahead of the family until she was well enough to travel. Sadly, that coincided with the maiden voyage of the Titanic.

I’m going to wrap up the day with an Irish whiskey toast. Last year I had just started a new job so I didn’t have time to honor Dad’s 80th birthday properly. Today I felt Dad’s presence with me throughout the day and I’m glad I was able to mark Dad’s birthday in a special way.

1 Comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , , ,

April 8, 2013 · 8:12 pm

Dementia does not discriminate

The big news today was the passing of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher. A polarizing political figure, my father was definitely never a fan of hers. However, my father ended up having something in common with her when her daughter revealed in 2008 that Thatcher suffered from dementia. A powerful woman who was known for her sharp and keen intellect, her memory was destroyed by disease over the last several years of her life. It’s a cruel twist of fate for sure, regardless of how you feel about her political career.

Dementia does not discriminate between rich and poor. Political allies and world leaders Margaret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan battled dementia at the end of their lives. While it’s true that the economic burden of the disease is lifted for the rich and famous, it doesn’t take away the fact that all of the money and power in the world can’t cure dementia.

Alzheimer’s and dementia awareness advocates know the horrors of this disease and the damage it does to families. High-profile cases bring greater awareness, not that I ever want another person diagnosed with this dreaded disease. But in our society, the rich and famous do have power to highlight the various injustices of the world, from disease to poverty to racism. Maybe other world leaders will take note and reconsider better research funding for Alzheimer’s and related dementias.

1 Comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , ,

April 3, 2013 · 6:54 pm

Dementia an expensive disease

I’ve written about this before, but it is worth beating the drum again. Dementia care is expensive. If we think the past few years in the U.S. were bad with the housing crisis and the rising unemployment rate, just wait until dementia meets the baby boomers in a terrible perfect storm.

What this most recent study reveals is something that family caregivers of dementia sufferers have known for quite awhile. It’s not medical care that most dementia patients need, but the necessity of institutional or professional home care that drives up costs astronomically. The per-person cost was estimated to be between $40,000-$60,000 per year. My father only required a year of institutional care, but my aunt that recently passed away who had Alzheimer’s spent the last several years of her life in a facility. You do the math, it’s depressing. The average family will go bankrupt very quickly if something is not done to remedy this situation.

As I’ve said before, I don’t know what the answers are. If there were more support, financially and otherwise for family caregivers, some families would choose to keep their loved ones with dementia at home for longer. I’m not a fan of more taxes or government programs, but it does seem as a government and as a society we are letting down the elderly generation. We pay property taxes so children can get a free public education. Fine. But what happens after you grow up, you work all of your life, pay taxes while saving up as much as you can, and then your mind gets sick? You lose everything and it becomes a family problem.

Really though, Alzheimer’s is a world dilemma. Whether or not it touches everyone’s family directly, this disease has a lasting impact on society.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as ,

March 31, 2013 · 2:53 pm

Easter Memories

I remember going on a few Easter egg hunts as a kid. I believe we usually went to the one at the neighborhood park and I think we went to a hunt at the shopping mall one year. Dad didn’t mind taking us to these kiddie events, though he always lurked far away from the festivities, smoking behind a tree patiently. As a kid perhaps I would have preferred a more hands-on father who became excited about plastic eggs and jelly beans and chocolate bunnies, but as an adult, I totally understand his indifference. At least Mom was there with enough enthusiasm for the both of them.

dad-easter

I’ve written previously about our humble but pleasant Easter family traditions but I also remember Easter egg hunts in our apartment. Dad would be roped into helping, though I doubt he put much effort into it, which was a bonus for me! To be fair, it was pretty difficult to hide anything in our small living quarters, but Mom could get pretty creative. I remember enjoying these at-home Easter egg hunts even more than the public ones. (Well let’s face it, since I was an only child I had no competition at home!)

I don’t have any bad memories of Easter. The holiday just floated by in a sweet haze.

Leave a comment

Filed under Memories

Tagged as , , ,

March 27, 2013 · 9:24 pm

Job recommendation for Dad

LinkedIn and other career-related online tools are so much a part of our professional lives now. Asking for a recommendation is as simple as sending someone an online message. But back when my father was a young man in search for work, you had to work a bit harder to get those recommendations.

I would love to know more about how Dad came to know the law office in question and what group it was that he helped with the planning of the St. Patrick’s Day celebration. St. Patty’s Day in New Orleans? Now that must have been a blast!

Dad-ltr-2

It is curious that the author of the letter incorrectly stated that Dad’s hometown was Dublin. I don’t know if that was deliberate or just an oversight. But his description of my father as a worker was spot on. “Able and capable” and whose “honest and integrity could be relied upon.” Yes, indeed that sums up Dad in his professional life. Even though he worked in blue collar jobs all of his life, he was always grateful for the opportunity and never thought he was too good to perform a certain task.

Like the doctor at the hospital in Albuquerque said, they don’t make them like my dad anymore.

3 Comments

Filed under Memories