Tag Archives: caregivers

December 14, 2025 · 9:00 am

Coming to terms with ‘exhaustlessness’ as a caregiver

The holidays can usher in a mix of loving family moments and caregiver burnout. I read an article by psychotherapist Mike Verano on Today’s Caregiver in which he named the common caregiver condition of feeling both exhausted and restless at the same time as “exhaustlessness.” It’s an accurate term for two emotions that seem on the surface an unlikely combination until you experience what Verano calls the “emotional hurricane” of caregiving.

I definitely can relate to being completely exhausted but also being overwhelmed with a restless energy due to being hypervigilant. Verano refers to the physical sensation as being “like taking a sleeping pill and an energy drink at the same time.” Exactly! Caregivers know that they have a limited window for sleep and self-care, but at the same time, they can’t shut off their brains from going through to-do lists.

Even after a caregiving situation ends, it can take quite awhile to disconnect oneself from that hyper-aware state of monitoring. It can feel that something is missing if you are not constantly looking for problems to arise and fix. Being gentle and patient with oneself during such transition periods is essential.

For those feeling “exhaustlessness” due to their current caregiver situation, the holidays can be a good time to discuss the need for more support while family members are gathered together. Talking to a mental health professional, one trained in family caregiver dynamics, can also be helpful in learning how to establish boundaries, so that you don’t always feel like you are caught up in an emotional storm.

Illustration generated by ChatGPT.

2 Comments

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , ,

December 6, 2025 · 4:31 pm

Holiday gift ideas for caregivers

Each year I consider a wide range of useful gifts for caregivers, everything from books to high-tech gadgets. No matter how amazing a gift is, I’ll always believe that personal time away from caregiving duties is the most precious gift of all. Respite comes in many forms, and can be as simple as an afternoon off to engage in self-care. For the family caregivers on your gift list this holiday season, think about how you can give them a bit of personal time back.

The good news is that in a year in which many are struggling financially, giving someone else time need not cost money, but only sacrificing some of your time. Offer to sit with a loved one to free up time for the caregiver. Volunteer to assist with a time-consuming task, like grocery shopping or making meals. Cleaning the house or tackling household repairs are other ways to give the gift of time.

Here are some other thoughtful gift ideas for caregivers:

Joe & Bella: Dressing can become a time-consuming challenge for those with dementia. I love the line of adaptive clothing from Joe & Bella, which looks nice and includes clever additions, like magnetic closures and CareZips to save time and reduce frustration.

Happy Healthy Caregiver: Check out the digital gifts, such as a self-care journal and for something with a personal touch, create a Caregiver Jar filled with affirming and inspiring quotes.

Alzheimer’s Association Gift Guide: Thoughtful gift ideas for caregivers and people living with dementia. I like that the guide offers suggestions at different stages of the disease.

Of course, I will take a moment to recommend my book. Beginning Monday Dec. 8 through Jan. 1, Smashwords is running the 2025 End of Year Sale. You can get the e-book version of my award-winning personal essay collection, The Reluctant Caregiver, for half-off.

Happy holiday gift giving!

Image generated by Google Gemini.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , , , , , , , , ,

November 23, 2025 · 4:01 pm

Gen X caught in an extended ‘sandwich generation squeeze’

Every generation has its challenges, but Generation X finds itself in an extended “sandwich generation” role, raising children and taking care of aging parents who are living longer than ever, but not without their share of health issues.

In the recent Generations issue by the American Society on Aging, an article by Grace Macalino Schauf describes her overwhelming caregiver situation and how she had a breakthrough that helped her better manage her many caregiving duties. Schauf found herself caring for her 80-something parents, including her mother with vascular dementia and helping her young adult sons navigate college while also filling the childcare gaps left by her sister-in-law’s sudden death.

Schauf explained that in her Filipino culture, the eldest daughter is expected to fulfill the caregiver role in the family, yet she realized that she was being stretched beyond capacity. The breakthrough came when she developed a “caregiver identity integration.” The framework created boundaries and required an identity reset, to fully integrate the caregiver role into her life instead of trying to manage fragments of her identity that left her frustrated and bitter.

I definitely understand the feelings of resentment that can surface in the family caregiver role. It’s one of the reasons why I wrote The Reluctant Caregiver. I also shared my Gen X caregiver experience on the Rodger That podcast. People shouldn’t feel guilty about such negative feelings, but for their own emotional health and to be a better caregiver, it’s important to address these feelings, reach out for support and develop a caregiving plan that works better for you, much like Schauf did. The process can be painful and messy, much like caregiving itself. But as Schauf said, being present, not perfect, is the goal. Being present as a daughter is something I wish I had done more of, versus being worried about every aspect of my caregiver role.

This holiday season is a great time to assess your family caregiver situation and determine if changes need to be made.

Illustration created by ChatGPT.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , , , , , , , ,

November 16, 2025 · 12:35 pm

Gratitude comes in many forms and sizes

I was attending an event this weekend where we were talking about grief and gratitude. It’s an appropriate topic for November as we quickly approach Thanksgiving where we are reminded to be grateful for our blessings.

But when one is going through difficult times or actively grieving, tapping into gratitude can feel impossible. A person at the event I attended suggested that the bigger and deeper the grief, aiming to engage in smaller moments of gratitude can feel more achievable and still have a significant impact. The last thing one should do is force themselves to be grateful, because authenticity is essential. The last thing someone who is grieving should do is feel guilty because they cannot muster feelings of gratitude.

What can be helpful is taking time to be present in the moment. Recognizing the complexity of the more negative emotions and understanding that grief’s depth mirrors the bond you had with what is gone. Those relationships that were complicated may trigger even a deeper mix of emotions. Honoring those feelings over time can slowly make space for other feelings to emerge, such as gratitude.

It can also help to focus on something outside of your current situation. I find nature to be one of the simplest and most satisfying ways to ground oneself in a moment of gratitude. Being of awe of the stars in the night sky, a gorgeous sunrise, the colors of the leaves in autumn — these simple moments of gratitude have helped chip away at the oppressive grief I have felt at times during the holiday season.

Hope these tips help if you are navigating grief this holiday season.

Illustration generated by Google Gemini.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

November 8, 2025 · 2:20 pm

How prepared are you for aging?

Courtesy of John Hancock’s Longevity Preparedness Index

As we enter the holiday season, where some will have more interaction with family members, it’s a good time to assess your family’s preparedness when it comes to aging well. Anthony Cirillo shared on The Aging Experience a “Longevity Preparedness Index” produced by John Hancock in collaboration with MIT’s AgeLab.

Courtesy of John Hancock

The Longevity Preparedness Index , surveyed over 1,300 Americans in 2025 to assess readiness across 8 top aging areas: social connection, finance, daily activities, care, home, community, health, and life transitions.

As Cirillo points out in his post, Americans didn’t fare well overall, scoring just 60 out of 100 for longevity preparedness. He offers actions people can take to increase their ability to age well, from growing social connections to having frank conversations about financial planning and life transitions.

The key theme is that the time to prepare is before one becomes older and before health issues need to be addressed. The one area in which Americans are least prepared is one of the most important when it comes to aging: care. Scoring just 42/100, the majority of those surveyed do not have a care plan and do not know who would take care of them if a health issue required assistance. Creating an advanced care directive is vital.

No one can predict the specific care needs you or your loved ones will require in the future, but considering these critical area of aging can help families be more prepared and make smart decisions that will offer them the best chance of aging well.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , , ,

October 19, 2025 · 11:06 am

Be mindful of fall risks this fall season

A few years ago around this time of the year, I fell hard at the park while walking my dog. It knocked the wind out of me, something I hadn’t experienced since I was a child. The shock of the fall caused me to drop the dog leash but fortunately my rescue dog didn’t take off. After catching my breath and assessing any injuries (fortunately nothing broken or sprained) I was able to slowly make it home. For the next week I was bruised and sore. I was fortunate this was a minor incident, but it was a reminder that falls can happen at any time and can cause more significant injuries.

I was reminded of how falls can be deadly this past week. Ace Frehley of the legendary rock band KISS died after suffering a fall in his home. He was only 74.

Falls can lead to all sorts of health issues from the obvious broken bones that may require surgical repair and a lengthy rehabilitation period to less obvious injuries like internal bleeding and concussions. My mother suffered a fractured shoulder after a fall in the home and it never did heal properly, limiting he ability to raise that arm. My father suffered multiple falls at the memory care center. Falls can be sneaky because internal injuries are not always immediately apparent. It’s important to monitor for any emerging symptoms and changes in mental health status in the days after a fall.

This time of year can be a wonderful time to walk and be out in nature. The temperatures are more moderate and the leaves are turning gorgeous colors. But once those leaves fall to the ground along with other tree debris (we get a lot of hard balls that litter the ground below the tree canopy in my neighborhood) it can create a risky walking surface. Depending upon what shoes I’m wearing I either stomp on these hard balls or try to scoot them out of the way to avoid walking over them. I’ve had a few close calls over the years when walking around the neighborhood during the fall season.

For caregivers of elders or anyone with mobility challenges, just be extra mindful during this time of year. I think it gets less attention that winter, where snowy and icy surfaces are well known for being dangerous conditions. Try to keep the outdoor paths around your home clear of leaves and other fallen debris. Make sure your loved one is wearing sturdy shoes. Guide them through leaf-covered walkways carefully. Remember that after a rain, slick leaves can present an extra slipping hazard.

With a little extra preparation, the autumn season can be enjoyed safely by the young and old alike.

Image generated by Google Gemini.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism, Memories

Tagged as , , , , , , , ,

October 12, 2025 · 9:00 am

‘Presence over perfection’ excellent advice from a dementia caregiver

A recent post on the Alzheimer’s Association website offers a message for those who may feel like they are struggling as a dementia caregiver.

Gemma O’Donnell, whose father has Alzheimer’s, is also a registered nurse, educator, researcher, and dementia care advocate. The disease has had an impact on her life both personally and professionally, O’Donnell said.

“The heart of caregiving is not perfection, but presence. What has stayed with me is how much the small moments matter—sharing a laugh, holding a hand, or simply sitting together when words are no longer possible.”

– Gemma O’Donnell, Desert Southwest Chapter volunteer

She shared another tip for a common issue that dementia caregivers experience, and one that my mother struggled with in caring for my father. “Over time, I learned that joining someone in their reality brings far more peace and connection,” O’Donnell said.

I also loved her quote encouraging caregivers to seek support: “Asking for help is an act of love, not failure.” I totally agree and that is why I created Respite Care Share. Don’t ignore the signs of caregiver burnout.

Image generated by Google Gemini.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , ,

August 17, 2025 · 3:38 pm

Self-care can make one a better caregiver

One of the main challenges I hear from family caregivers is the lack of time they have for themselves. When you are a dementia caregiver, you are always on duty, watching over your loved one to make sure they stay out of harm’s way. When your loved one is your priority, your own well-being is neglected.

This happened to my mother, who put her own health needs and screenings on hold while caring for my father, only to be diagnosed with stage III colon cancer six months after my father’s death.

This blog post about being a caregiver without losing yourself offers helpful and practical tips on organizing supportive resources so that you are not going through the family caregiving experience alone.

Check out my website, Respite Care Share, for more respite resources.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , ,

August 9, 2025 · 3:12 pm

Diving into the Caregiving in the US 2025 report

The National Alliance of Caregiving released a new report, Caregiving in the US, which offers insights on the latest trends in caregiving. This comprehensive 140-page report provides data on America’s family caregivers, including insights on who is providing care and what type of care, the financial impact and the ongoing challenges caregivers encounter when trying to access support and resources. In addition, the report takes a look at how caregiving affects a person’s emotional, physical, and mental health.

Key findings:

  • Approximately 1 in 4 American adults is a family caregiver.
  • The average age of a family caregiver is 51, which happens to be my current age. My parents were older when they had me, therefore I began the family caregiver journey sooner than some of my peers.
  • Women make up the majority (61 percent) of family caregivers.
  • Twenty percent of caregivers live in rural areas, which can complicate access to care resources and support.
  • 40 percent of caregivers live with their care recipient.
  • Family caregivers spend an average of 27 hours per week providing care; nearly a quarter provide 40 or more hours per week.
  • 7 in 10 caregivers also work, which can add to a caregiver’s daily stress of trying to juggle two demanding positions. For many caregivers, not working outside of caregiving is not an option, with almost half reporting at least one negative financial impact. Finding affordable care support services has also become more expensive.
  • It should come as no surprise that caregivers’ own health is negatively impacted. According to the report, 1 in 5 family caregivers rate their health as fair or poor and 64 percent experienced emotional strain.
  • Caregivers are performing a wide range of duties: two-thirds help with at least one activity of daily living (ADL) like bathing, dressing, toileting, feeding, and mobility assistance. 8 in 10 caregivers are handling multiple instrumental activities of daily living (IADLs)—such as shopping, managing finances, preparing meals, and arranging transportation.
  • An alarming statistic: more caregivers are performing complex medical or nursing tasks such as managing catheters, giving injections, or monitoring vital signs. While more than half (55 percent) perform complex tasks, only 22 percent received training. Learning medical tasks on the fly is common but definitely stressful. I wrote about this aspect of caregiving in The Reluctant Caregiver.

One statistic that stuck out to me due to my advocacy work in respite care is that few caregivers (just 13 percent) are utilizing respite resources, even though nearly 40 percent recognize that respite services would be helpful. This reluctance to use respite care and the barriers that prevent caregivers from seeking respite is one of the main reasons I started Respite Care Share. As the study points out, the low usage of respite care is not just due to lack of accessibility; for some caregivers, there are cultural connotations to accepting help that must be addressed in order to reduce the risk of caregiver burnout.

How caregivers want to be supported

According to the caregivers surveyed in the report, tax credits and direct payments were nearly equally cited as preferred sources of financial support. Paid leave also received support from a majority of caregivers.

In addition to financial support, caregivers requested services like respite care, emotional support, and health care training. As pointed out above, it’s not enough to just offer these services but find ways to break down barriers to make sure the services are truly accessible and designed to meet the diverse needs of communities throughout the country.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , , , , , , ,

July 26, 2025 · 4:47 pm

A new and improved Respite Care Share

While I had the week off for my birthday, I spent time revamping my website, Respite Care Share. This is a project I started back in 2016 as part of a challenge to launch new initiatives to support end-of-life caregivers. Over the years I’ve added to the resources page, but the website itself, one of those freebie templates that comes with a domain purchase, was lacking in style and functionality.

In comes “vibe coding” which is AI-assisted coding programs. I maintain a healthy skepticism of AI’s powers but I have to say that l’ve been impressed with using AI to update a website. I was able to create a fresh new web design and add a table of respite care resources in the U.S. which is something I’ve been wanting to do for awhile. Before AI coding assistance, I would have had to hire a web designer to do a reboot, which I don’t have the budget for right now. I enjoy learning new tech skills and had fun doing this project.

International Self-Care Day was July 24th so it’s the perfect time to share this updated resource.

I hope to add more resources in the future, including self-care tips and respite suggestions. Hope you find the resource helpful, I’d love to hear your feedback.

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness & Activism

Tagged as , ,